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Am I right to be annoyed by this?

(67 Posts)
Mouseyinmyhousey Sat 06-Apr-13 10:26:14

There is history here but I don't want to go into it all because I want to ask opinions on just this. Otherwise people will all just be saying he's a waste of space anyway.

Basically my p was really ill starting Monday with flu like symptoms, he was really, really bad, with fever, aching and even threw up. By Wednesday I'd caught it too and we've both been terrible. P seems to be over the worst now but today ds (4) has got up really ill, high temp and vomitted.

The reason I'm upset is the way p has acted. First he said he thinks he got ill because he hasn't had his hair cut and can't wash it properly, which I think is ridiculous because it's only regrowth from a normally number 1 cut. Then he said he thinks he's got ill from pulling the fridge out at the weekend as we cleaned behind it and it was all dusty. He's been having a go at me for taking paracetamol and ibruprofen saying that they're making me worse, even though I feel that they bring me fever down and relieve my headache.

Last night he really upset me, I went up to bed first and spilt some of my glass of water on the duvet as I was weak and shaky. The duvet was folded over and the water would have been directly on p when he came to bed, so I flipped the duvet over so that the water was on my side but on the top. P came up a bit later and started having a moan about why the quilt was the wrong way over and how he couldn't sleep like that, I told him why but he said we'd have to flip it back, turn it round and meaning I'd have the wet patch on my feet, I said I didn't want the cold wet patch on my feet and he was yelling saying I'd have to curl up and it was my fault for spilling the water and how he couldn't sleep as the top of the duvet cover was bobbly and irritating his skin.

Today he'd planned to get his hair cut and then do some work round his sisters new house, fitting some electrics which will take the whole day. I was fine with this but as ds has got up and is now really poorly too, I thought he should give the electrics a miss and give me a hand.

The house is like a bombs hit it because we've both been so ill all week. P made himself a dinner last night and there isn't a thing clean in the kitchen and he's just left it all.

I'm fed up of him, there's loads of diy jobs that need doing here but he spends half of his time doing jobs for his family instead.

I basically said as ds is now ill too and I still feel terrible couldn't he stay but he just went off on one said he's still ill too so what use will he be, and apparently it's my fault ds is ill for cuddling him.

I just really fucking hate him right now.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 13:28:19

He's still being vile. As far as he's concerned I'm the one who should be saying sorry.

He said he's still ill and I need to just get on with it like he is.

I'm feeling really shit I can't believe he's acting like this he was nice as pie going back 8 weeks promising everything would change. He's still saying it's my fault ds is ill and he reckons he does more than a lot of blokes would do.

I noticed a mole had developed a red spot and today appears to have crusted over, I mentioned that said I'm worried I've Bern told there's nothing wrong with it and I'm being stupid.

Loulybelle Sun 07-Apr-13 13:42:10

Sorry Mousey, but he will never change, hes just not emotional at all.

Also a crusted over mole, is a cause of concern, get it checked.

SquinkiesRule Sun 07-Apr-13 19:04:58

Sorry OP he wasn't changed he just managed to behave himself for the last 8 weeks and now he's himself again.
Get that mole checked at the Doctors ASAP.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:37:37

You're not being oversensitive, he sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant man.

Ditto others who have commented on the getting flu from washing your hair and not taking paracetamol etc. He's either got some mental health condition or he really is thick as mince.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:39:19

I'm going to make an appointment tomorrow. It looked like a red spot next to the mole Fri and now it has crusted over. P just said I'm being stupid and its just a spot on a mole apparently he gets them all the time.

I'm really fed up starting to wonder if its just me, he's still adamant that he's done nothing wrong. He hasn't even come back is at his mum, said he will tomorrow to get his stuff for work and have a chat.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:39:38

The comment about your late aunt is just disgusting.

I'm reminded of when my lovely gran died and my XP couldn't be bothered coming to the funeral because he was too busy at work.

Angelico Sun 07-Apr-13 19:40:12

Get shot of him. Good luck.

flippinada Sun 07-Apr-13 19:40:17

Lovely, its really not you. He's a thoroughgoing arse.

expatinscotland Sun 07-Apr-13 19:45:42

'He's text saying that if I say sorry maybe he'll come back. I said he's the only one who can't see how horrible it was to bugger off out all day leaving me to the house in such a state his response was f off and its my fault ds is ill for cuddling him and I must have wanted him to get ill. Just gets nicer doesn't it.'

I'd tell him not to bother, just to get to fuck and come back for his clothes.

RemoteControlledChaos Sun 07-Apr-13 19:48:34

It's not you!! Please don't think it's you.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:49:37

I really wasn't sure if I was expecting too much. Had it just been myself ill I'd have not batted an eyelid but being ill plus ill and vomitting child and house in a tip has been hard going.

And as I say it's not the first time, in fact its almost as though there's been a concious effort to avoid being around if one or both of us is sick.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 19:57:24

Something else he said which I thought was really off.

He told me he'd been sick twice. I said I thought it was only once. He said it was twice but he didn't tell me as the first time he'd been sick in the sink and hadn't cleaned it as in bleached it. I said that was disgusting as ds washes his hands and face in the sink. He then said he was only joking. I asked why he would joke and he said because he wanted me to think her been sick more than once.

I don't even know if he really was or not but really don't understand why he'd do or say that.

DippyDoohDahDay Sun 07-Apr-13 20:27:57

Hi op. have just checked back in. He is a head fuck. He has you doubting yourself over things that you know are not ok and then telling you that your behaviour is at fault.
On your last thread, did no one tell you to read Lundy Bancroft 'why does he do that?: inside the minds of angry and controlling men'. Please, get on amazon and order a copy, ASAP. Then highlight every sentence that rings true. Then take notice. I did. I hated splitting my family up, but I much more hated the idea of my sons growing up with his behaviours and values.

Mouseyinmyhousey Sun 07-Apr-13 20:38:56

No but I'll download it, have heard of it before.

I know how I feel about it but just can't help wondering if it was worth the fallout.

Walkacrossthesand Sun 07-Apr-13 21:17:28

How about 'the only chat we need to have now is about the details of our split - see you tomorrow!'

sipofwine Sun 07-Apr-13 21:31:16

I can only add to what everyone else is saying but feel compelled to join in anyway!! He sounds like an arsey little child with absolutely no empathy. The way he lay in the bath whilst your son was covered in vomit smacks of someone who is selfish and, well, an idiot. I hope you are strong enough to end this relationship once and for all - particularly for your son's sake. He deserves to live happily with his mum.

Alambil Sun 07-Apr-13 21:37:23

he's abusive.

you need to get him out of your house and lives before he does lasting damage to your children and yourself.

"I'll change" is one of the most classic lines - they will change as you found out - for a very short time and then they'll slowly revert to type.

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