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Am i being unreasonable?(2 Posts)
Hello.. sorry for the essay but i need to lay it out... please respond with both sides in mind as best and as honestly as i can put it.
I am 22, my partner for 2 years is 40. We have an 11 month old boy who i love with all my heart. I am a full time mother, my partner owns a business with his ex wife (who he has 2 children with) whom he sees everyday monday to friday and he works from 8am until he comes home at 8:30 sometimes 11 due to private jobs he takes on. i occasionally see a couple of friends during the week for short periods of time but i am still looking after our son so in mother mode i guess. As i am young and used to go out a lot with my friends, i have calmed down considerably since having Alfie (our son). I am a great doting mother and my partner works hard to support us and his other family, and he does do that well and understandably is under a lot of pressure in the current economic/ financial climate.
There are a lot of problems with our relationship, its turbulent and fine for a while but the same arguments re-accur..mainly due to his opinionated Ex and pressures of his work and his anger issues (he can be very aggressive and sometimes close to violence). We have had a massive row once again about the fact that once a week i would like to see my friends for a few drinks round the corner in the local pub, harmless and i certainly love my family so never act like I'm single. I have on occasions come in late around 2-3 but its sometimes been hard to get out of my old habits of being young and a student (recently graduated)... But he thinks this is unacceptable and taking the piss because thats too much to go out once a week, even if i promise to be back before 1. He knows who i am with but because he doesn't have time (work etc.) to make more friends, i feel he is resentful that i do have friends and really need to interact once a week because i work hard during the week... he had all washing cleaning etc. done and food on the table every night, even when he comes home at 11pm i cook. He shouts and yells and slammed doors in front of our son which makes me cry because i hate him being witness to that... i keep my voice down but he cannot control his temper and rage. When i cry he storms out quote "pathetic" and doesn't "suffer fools gladly" (had an insensitive mother growing up". I try to understand why he reacts like this but am finding it difficult being with a man that has before had me oiled down so hard that my chest was bruised and said he was gonna "kill you you cunt". I feel like all the resentment i hold over his business with his ex wife and things i can't talk to him about because of his anger, i need to see friends once a week because otherwise i feel trapped and isolated. Is this too much to ask for? am i being unreasonable? I asked him to bring me a compromise and tell me how much he thinks i should go out but he refused and said i was putting him on the spot and how dare i do that. Please give me some advice on how to manage all of this. I will not have my son bear witness to this... jumping out of his skin and sitting on the floor in the corridor looking both easy confused because he doesn't understand or know which way to go. It literally rips my heart out of my chest but i don't want him to see me cry either, Please help.
He's a bully.
Do you have anywhere you can go if you need to?
I think you know you will have to leave him don't you.
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