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Help me not to care

(13 Posts)
Skillbo Fri 05-Apr-13 18:56:03

I did post for some advice a few months back about my h who walked out with no warning at new year. It was suggested he was having an affair but i really wasn't sure although the signs were there once i started thinking about it.

Three months on and I'm pretty bloody sure he was cheating as this woman has appeared, they do everything together, my poor children spend no one on one time with their father anymore and i hate it. He was still denying it last time i asked, well accused him!

The DC are with him this weekend so i called to speak to them as normal and they're clearly at his aunts house at a party and - lo and behold - this woman and her DS are there!

I know i shouldn't care but i am hurt beyond belief that his family seem to have just accepted I'm yesterday's news and moved on! These are the people who I shared Xmas day with and thought might actually care for me having been with h for 9 years and mother to his two DC!

So please help me see that it doesn't matter. I am not engaging with him anymore which i know means disconnecting with them too but the fact they are just accepting the OW with no disapproval or censure is really hard to take.

keepyourroomtidy Fri 05-Apr-13 19:36:28

I have been there so offer my sympathies -it is soooo hard when you feel as though you never existed and my i laws were way more subtle and thoughtful of me than yours seem to be. I tell myself that they are just trying to keep some semblance of family life going but it hurts like hell. The whole situation is awkward on so many levels but it gets easier to bear over time. Sorry not to offer any magic bullet!

Skillbo Fri 05-Apr-13 19:40:09

It's the first time I've cried for weeks but cut me to the quick sad

Almost as bad as DD raving about her new best friend, the bloody OW's son!

AnyFucker Fri 05-Apr-13 19:42:40

that is shit !

You are entitled to feel upset, so have a cry and a wallow just for today

then tomorrow, onward and upward thanks

Lonecatwithkitten Fri 05-Apr-13 20:41:49

I really feel for you my ex-PIL seemed to just accept other woman so I know exactly how you are feeling. It has come to light through my ex-MIL writing to my mum that they are terrified that if they express any kind of disapproval they will not get to see DD their DGD. Ex-MIL wrote of really not enjoying the situation, but feeling that to maintain her relationship with DD she had no choice.
I wouldn't be surprised if you ILs feel the same.

chocmallow Fri 05-Apr-13 20:54:47

So sorry OP - I can't imagine how painful this must be for you.

I'm sorry I can't really offer any advice, I'll just echo what AF said pass you a wine x

Skillbo Fri 05-Apr-13 21:15:13

Lonecat - that's a possibility but i have made it clear that MIL would be welcome to spend time with my DC whenever - she doesn't need to wait for his weekends. And if I'm honest, it doesn't surprise me that she would just accept it as her DS can do no wrong.

I think it was knowing his extended family were all there and being super fine with the situation (i could hear his cousin in the background talking to the OW's DS for example)...

No wine in the house unfortunately but plenty of brew so not all bad!

AnyFucker Fri 05-Apr-13 21:24:31

any chocolate ?

You can have some of mine, I have loads

Charbon Fri 05-Apr-13 21:45:30

I'm so glad you know the truth now Skillbo. I remember your more recent thread too where your ex was trying to blame the break up on your 'emotional abuse'.

This is why knowing there was an OW always helps. But some men like your ex husband are just too cowardly to admit that's why they want to leave a relationship.

I'd be very surprised if all of his family truly believe this is a new relationship, but what's more important is that you don't. What I hope most is that this brings more perspective for you on the build up to your marriage ending so suddenly and without warning and will stop that blame he was trying to give you that you described in your last thread.

iwantanafternoonnap Fri 05-Apr-13 22:07:36

I know exactly how you feel. Ex's family all moved on and discarded me and DS without a backward glance. This was despite me sending texts saying that although ex had left and did not want contact that they were more than welcome to visit DS whenever.

Nothing from any of them, no christmas or birthday presents. They are all there though congratulating him getting engaged to OW and liking it on facebook etc. It's disgusting and vile and I have now realised that I don't want my DS around people that think that kind of behaviour is acceptable. Still hurts though.

My ex sounds like yours and he blamed me for the break up, accused me of all sorts of things and denied OW despite booking a holiday over christmas and new year with her less than 2 days after leaving me!!

Skillbo Fri 05-Apr-13 23:45:27

Wow iwant - that is just so cold!

As Charbon said though, it's things like this that will help me come to terms with and move on from the relationship. I hope it's helped you too...

Anniegetyourgun Sat 06-Apr-13 11:25:26

And if I'm honest, it doesn't surprise me that she would just accept it as her DS can do no wrong

Well that's probably the reason he grew up thinking leaving your wife and children at the drop of a hat for his next bit of fun is perfectly ok. We learn morals and standards from our parents. Or, in some cases, we don't.

iwantanafternoonnap Sat 06-Apr-13 16:06:33

It gets better the more you start to realise they are fuckwits! grin

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