Hi, hope to be brief and to the point.
Didnt have boyfriends in teens and twenties (parents v controlling), had boys as friends but got anxious when anyone, no matter how nice, made a move. No sexual abuse btw, just being the good obedient daughter.
Met dh1 at 28, married at 30, had ds at 32, divorced obvious narc H at 35. Had a sort of friendship with a man for several years, it became sexual one night (had believed he was gay or something, although I did really fancy him), but got it into my head he was only interested in sex, didn't have own dc so thought him unsuitable as stepdad etc. practically ended relationship before it got started!
Colleagues urged me to try online dating at 41 and I did meet really great guys. But the spark was not there, gave it up for a year, started again and met a man who seemed nice. We became intimate pretty soon even though I sensed it was not going to be long term (no dc, pretty selfish).
I Just wanted a fling I think because I'd always been so straight laced. Big mistake. I ended it after 3 mths (because i met stb dh2 ) and he stalked me for a year.
Feeling uncomfortable with dh2 behavior now and reading all about narcs has lead me to believe the whirlwind romance we had, buying house together to make fresh start for all of us, (he has 2 dc) after only 5 mths seems unreal now. Married a year later. Both ds and dss are fine with us, dsd less so, but nothing major.
Maybe dh2 is not a narc, but only shows tendencies, eg unwarranted outbursts or embarrassing (me) behaviour in public, likes to be in charge, tells me what to wear, paint my nails.... (I'm not the girly type).
When I do online questionnaires I tick practically all the boxes for control freak behaviour in him, but I'm seriously questioning myself if I'm not the one with the problem? Aren't all men basically selfish machos who like getting their own way? Am I just over reacting to classic male behaviour? We are in counseling, its not very regular, and I feel now that we're concentrating on his behaviour he's off it and saying its just me unused to being in a couple, which is of course is true, too. Help?
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Is dh controlling or am I not couple material?
12 replies
Celticcat · 05/04/2013 09:01
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