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unsure about DS after leaving H, advice please?

(7 Posts)
catkin14 Thu 04-Apr-13 12:32:55

Its been 3 weeks since i left my EA H of 27 years, thanks for all MN help so far, had a lots of support form you.

I have posted before as H was trying to get to me through DS of 14, by crying all the time, asking DS questions about what i am doing, telling DS hes so lonely, got no hope, nothing to live for and couldnt he (H) come and live with me and DS for a while??! I moved out and left him.
H is a very articulate clever professional man.

Since the weekend DS and H been skypeing a lot which is good but DS seems very distant with me atm and given his age I do not like to ask what he and H talk about.

Not sure how to play this, do i give him space and try to be as normal as possible?
Big thanks for all help, feel like im drowning a bit atm..

NutherChange Thu 04-Apr-13 13:49:02

Didn't want to leave you post unanswered.

It's sadly not uncommon to use DC to carry on EA. I've had this with all 3 of mine and they eventually saw through it and have no contact with EXH now.

Just let DS know you are there to talk if there are any problems.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 04-Apr-13 15:16:57

I think a lot of teens can be 'distant' without Dad treating them like the Samaritans. Trick is not to probe or pry but to find some common ground where you can communicate. In our house, for example, it's the plots of various computer games. (Goes mostly over my head but DS can wax lyrical for hours). Another good connection time I've found is the long car journey. Deprived of computer games, TV and Radio 4 (that's my zone out of choice) we end up talking about everything and nothing in pretty natural way.

catkin14 Thu 04-Apr-13 15:24:13

Thanks for replies.
Yes i am trying to be here for him and not ask about H unless he volunteers but this is one of the ways H is playing it, arranging to do stuff with DS and not telling me.
DS always very happy to talk about computer games! : ) again i dont have a clue what hes talking about but he is still happy to talk : )
I hate to see him feeling caught in the middle though, so im just going to tell him Im here for him, love him and will talk if he wants to but no pressure.

laptopwieldingharpy Thu 04-Apr-13 15:31:36

how awful of him to be manipulating DS like this at such a pivotal age.

Can someone mediate and talk sense into ex to stop doing this?

catkin14 Thu 04-Apr-13 18:17:30

Thanks yes it is, H very self centred man.
Our older 2 DS are going to talk to H tomorrow so hopefully he will listen to them, he thinks i am just trying to turn youngest DS against him and wont listen to me.

SquinkiesRule Fri 05-Apr-13 05:49:17

Will the older kids have a talk with the 14 year old for you too? They could explain how Dad is trying to get at you by upsetting him and playing head games that he used to reserve for you.
Poor kid, I hope you can help him get it sorted.

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