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how to unboil my piss?

(12 Posts)
NCtogetflamedwith Wed 03-Apr-13 22:08:59

Everything can be going perfectly well, then he'll do something to piss me off.

I will try to speak about the thing in a balanced way, and he'll say I'm having a go.

So say it's 'don't leave your crumbs on the clean worktop'. I've asked this a lot of times in 10 years. I have explained why I don't like it (disrespectful of my efforts yada yada).

So the minor infraction he does boils my piss, and then he gets a shit on that I'm moaning about it.

He tries very hard. He's not a dick. He does lots of useful and kind things.

He says nothing is good enough for me and he's right.

I am destined to live by myself and be lonely forever because no one does things the way I want them to be done.

I could not mention the things that annoy me, but it wouldn't stop me raging inside about it. I get livid about things.

How do I get less angry?

strongerandstronger Wed 03-Apr-13 22:31:55

What other things does he do to piss you off? If he is generally useful and kind then is it more minor things that he does?

Pilgit Wed 03-Apr-13 22:33:07

No idea. If you find out please let me know as I also have this problem! Sorry, not helpful....

Hassled Wed 03-Apr-13 22:43:33

Are you busy enough? I ask because when I frankly wasn't busy enough - or at least, I had plenty to do but nothing that actually involved me having to use my brain - then the little things became massive whopping great big things. Having to actually think about things outside the house calmed me right down. In hindsight I was very very bored, and fixated on irrelevant shite like crumbs.

You're going to tell me now you're a FT rocket surgeon with 6 kids, aren't you?

CoolCadbury Wed 03-Apr-13 22:58:57

There are always things that gets on my nerves but how much it tips me over the edge depends on what else is going on in our lives. If we are generally getting on, then doesn't bother me much. If I don't particularly feel close to him ie feeling resentful or I think he is being a dick, then I get super-irritated and start getting angry. Sometimes it's easier to get angry about the little things rather than the bigger things. Displacement, I think they call it.

ThatVikRinA22 Wed 03-Apr-13 23:05:02


i think you need something else to fill your time and something else to boil your piss.....
do you have kids?

crumbs do piss me off - but silently.
we have just had a new bathroom - he never uses the squeegee just right (as i would obvs!) and i keep finding little pools of water where no water should be.....
he is very tall and his aim (for toilet purposes) isnt great....

he had lots of redeeming features. so i generally let the little annoying things go....

does he have any redeeming features?
perhaps if he does you should focus on those for a bit.

MushroomSoup Wed 03-Apr-13 23:12:35

I was making a cottage pie and DH actually got a knife and started to help chop the carrots. I found myself getting annoyed becsuse they weren't chopped to the right size. Now I'm no Nigella, so I don't know what came over me.

I had to bloody grit my teeth to stop from yelling at him.
WTF is all that about?!

deliasmithy Wed 03-Apr-13 23:23:48

My OH leaves hair in the sink, drizzles coffee down the cupboards, will use the last of the loo roll, will tread on the post as he comes in the door and leaves it, I could easily go on.
When I think about mentioning it I remind myself what he would say - that I believe there is a washing up fairy, I dont turn the lights off, etc. I also remind myself of all that he does that is awesome.
If I still feel at risk I ask myself "is this worth the end of the relationship".

Maybe its the belief you have behind the behaviour that leads you to feel irate?

The two things that helped me begin to let go were:
Letting go of the feeling that he was doing it to be disrespect ful etc. There is no feeling behind it. Sinks and hair don't register in his world. Light switches don't in mine.
Imagine living with someone exactly like yourself. Imagine that they were demanding perfection and what you did was never quite good enough. How would it make you feel?

SweetSeraphim Wed 03-Apr-13 23:41:03

Yes, you're a control freak. I know this because I am also one of those grin

Count your blessings... that's what I have to do regularly. Otherwise there would be a moider wink

BrianButterfield Thu 04-Apr-13 07:21:48

DH and I have friends who will start a fight with each other over crumbs, the dishwasher, etc etc. It means they're always bickering and it seems disrespectful to us. Of course we all get pissed off over little things but I think it's better to hold your tongue, appreciate that you would also do annoying things sometimes, and let it go rather than live in a snidey atmosphere.

One rule of thumb is never speak to your partner in a way you wouldn't speak to a friend or colleague.

HappyDogRedDogToss Thu 04-Apr-13 07:36:14

My ex used to boil my piss with just by breathing pretty much everything. Now my DH does about 50% of the same things that previously sent my blood pressure soaring. I don't care. Doesn't annoy me at all. Because I also know he does lots of other things like ensure I never run out of toilet paper and always puts the right bins out, but mostly because he's not my ex

Moral of my story: it's not what is being done, but by who

BloooCowWonders Thu 04-Apr-13 07:45:21

Might be worth asking yourself if you're already perfect grin
I am of course, but dh still can't quite meet my standards about some things.
But as I'm perfect already, I can forgive...

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