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Councelling

(11 Posts)
MrsBonkers Wed 03-Apr-13 21:09:20

I feel like my marriage is all but over.
Not sure I could talk him into it, but if I could talk DH into councelling, what's it like?
I'm scared I'll be made to look like I have unrealistic expectations (I just want to be happy) and get talked into staying when I feel unfulfilled.

Hello, I don't have any experience but I think one of the things you will realise from counselling is whether you have a future or not and if you don't, they will help you resolve this amicably and help support you in things like helping your DCs (if you have them) adjust - I wish you well MrsBonkers; you sound really unhappy ((hug))

MrsBonkers Wed 03-Apr-13 21:40:24

Thanks.
Yes, I have a DD 2.5yrs. That's part of the reason I don't want to give up on us.
He's a good man and I don't want to hurt him. I also don't want to wake up in 20yrs time and feel like I've wasted my life.
I had my own place and lived on my own before I met him, so I know I can do it.
So confused sad
Relate looks expensive. Are there any other organisations that do couples councelling?

I'm not sure but Relate is means tested, also it will accept a payment plan style (I think) You sound lovely, I am sure whatever you decide will be the right decision xx

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 03-Apr-13 21:59:25

Is it your DH that is telling you it is 'unrealistic' to want to be happy?

MrsBonkers Wed 03-Apr-13 22:12:46

Not really, but he thinks were fine. That's what makes me think maybe its me wanting too much.

irokurok Wed 03-Apr-13 22:43:59

My dh thinks we are fine too. We really are not. Maybe you just have different expectations of how happy you should be? I've found relate helpful, the sessions we went to together were based on staying together and improving our relationship, but in sessions alone it was easier to speak about possibly separating. Could you go alone for a few sessions to help you decide how to proceed?

MrsBonkers Wed 03-Apr-13 23:04:53

Yes, I could try to go alone. I have a history of depression, so he'd think nothing of me going for a session.
There are some local councillors that say they specialise in relationship councelling.

If you don't mind me asking, what sort of things did they ask you?

irokurok Wed 03-Apr-13 23:19:11

To begin with: the basics, like how long we've been together, relationship history, what we feel has gone wrong for us. Then each of our family backgrounds. Then current problems and our feelings around it all.

For me it was all a bit torturous, but worth doing as it helped us see things more clearly and understand our selves better. Nearly a year on we are back there again though. I think this time relate are going to be helping us to part amicably.

Good luck, hope you find a counsellor who is right for you and some resolution either way xx

irokurok Wed 03-Apr-13 23:19:44

To begin with: the basics, like how long we've been together, relationship history, what we feel has gone wrong for us. Then each of our family backgrounds. Then current problems and our feelings around it all.

For me it was all a bit torturous, but worth doing as it helped us see things more clearly and understand our selves better. Nearly a year on we are back there again though. I think this time relate are going to be helping us to part amicably.

Good luck, hope you find a counsellor who is right for you and some resolution either way xx

deliasmithy Thu 04-Apr-13 00:49:27

If you go together they will let you both lead it by asking what you want to achieve - a decent service wont tell you or judge you, but help you with your own conclusions.

Some sessions might be more about you, others more about him. Some might be about past experiences and others on current feelings.

Id say if youre going to give it a go, agree to try three or four sessions before deciding whether its not for you.

Ultimately if youre unhappy, your partner needs to know that if things are going to improve.

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