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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Hmmm. I don't like this fancying someone business.

73 replies

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 14:58

Broke up with my DD's dad 3 years ago and hadn't fancied anyone since then. Plus 3 + years of our relationship plus when I had started like him few month before = 7 years out of the game. Now I like someone and it's getting stressful already.

I feel like an idiot. Was terribly disappointed earlier on that he's not coming to this evening's drinks . Then I feel crap because he doesn't probably fancy me in spite me fancying him only for a week or 10 days after knowing him for 2 years. And he just broke up with a girlfriend he didn't get along with for a while. How do I keep my cool? I'm 30!

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MadBraLady · 03/04/2013 15:11

Oh I am rubbish at this. I don't understand why some people seem to think this bit is fun. I used to get impossibly invested and upset within days of meeting someone I liked (not in a "big white dress" way, just in a "why isn't he talking to MEEEEEE, he must HAAAAATE me, it's all hopeless!" way, and I'd just want it all to be over one way or another).

Lots of people will now tell you to not worry because you don't really have any way of knowing whether he fancies you or not. They will probably use phrases like "go with the flow, have a flirt when you next see him, see what happens". And you should probably go to the drinks anyway and "just have a fun time and forget about him for a bit, maybe try and meet someone else!"

They will be totally right, but this advice makes me about as relaxed as a sergeant-major, so I usually just wait till I'm in the vicinity of the victim target subject man, get drunk and trust to luck. Which is I guess what you were planning to do as well, hence the disappointment.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 15:27

Hi MadBraLady. I'm saying 'yes!' to all the points you made.

Yes, I was hoping to have some drinks and flirt ever so slightly... The thing is we had some drinks a week ago or so and I wasn't sure he was flirting with me or not. I won't quote all the conversation but I was wondering. It was after that night I started to fancy him.

I'm coming to the drinks anyway but won't even change . Had a prepared perfect understated, elegant, demure top that is silk so my boobs would look great in it. And fancy (but in an elegant way) shoes, because by accident the venue is not far from my place. A family member is staying with me, so no, I did not have any bad intentions!

You see, already given it way too much thought whereas men would be like;" a bird I like might be there later. if she's not the beer will still be there. shrug.'

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HotDAMNlifeisgood · 03/04/2013 15:28

Ha ha ha - oh I so relate to what you have both written.

Take heart that even if you become tense and obsessive about potential love interests, you are both very witty women? I love the thread title, and "about as relaxed as a sergeant-major"

OP, try and I know how hard this is to force yourself to think about something present and real and concrete (like work or chores or just the smell of daffodils or whatever) whenever obsessive and panicky thoughts about love interest crop up. Those thoughts lead nowhere good.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 15:29

My apologies for poor quality of the grammar. I should be doing something else right now but I'm writing crap here and I bet he's working hard. .

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RunningAgain · 03/04/2013 15:30

God I fancied someone recently and I found it hellish. Feel much better now it's worn off a bit and I feel back to normal. And I hardly ever see him so that's good. I'm obviously not very good at all that sort of stuff.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 15:37

Hi HotDAMN and Running. I once thought that I could potentially fancy him but I am busy with work trying to get a living out of it for me and my DD (self-employed) and obviously DD is still a toddler so she's with me when I don't work so I technically don't have time for dating. So then I didn't think about it anymore. And now it just hit me. ANd I see him pretty much once a week. Well, going by today I just look at everyone apart from him and then my eyes go above his head or below his feet... You see - a twat! Me that is.

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CartedOff · 03/04/2013 15:37

I understand you completely. I'm the same. I'll be going about my life in a productive, well-rounded fashion and then BAM, suddenly I like someone and they're consuming all of my thoughts. I'm there kicking myself for falling hard and fast again and rethinking everything I wear and planning to casually run into them at social occasions.

It doesn't happen often, but when it does...ugh.

You just want to know if they feel the same or not. It's the waiting around to find out that's torture. Ask him out for another drink and flirt some more

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 15:46

That's it CartedOff. I could swear just few weeks ago that now I have a child and I'm a grown up businesswoman, I would take any fancying in my stride. Well, that's bollocks. Off to do some work before I lose any left over respect. Will be back later.

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RunningAgain · 03/04/2013 15:47

I do still fancy him...but I've got no time for anyone else, and it'll probably all end in tears anyway so what's the point, and I'm scared of being hurt again etc, etc. I've got it under control now, but when it first happened, I was really scared by how out of control I felt, and how much I couldn't stop thinking about him, and that was just because I wanted to shag him basically. I can't begin to imagine how I'd cope if I fell in love with someone again.
My plan now is just to repress all feelings of fancying anyone and get on with my life. Only my son and friends are important to me now, maybe that's a bit depressing, but it's the only sensible way for me to be.

RunningAgain · 03/04/2013 15:48

It took me about 3 months to feel normal again, Drink. Hope you get over it quickly, if that's what you want of course...

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 15:58

Hmmm. Well, I'd like to see first if it can lead to a date. Not ready to give up just yet. I spent 3 years thinking exactly the same that I need to focus on my DD and work and friends. I'm very happy with the way my life is or at least with the direction it is going towards. But it would be nice to shag someone nice that I know is a decent bloke. Which this one is. Hmmm.

Hope you'll meet someone nice though Running, who will do all the running for you!

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RunningAgain · 03/04/2013 16:02

Thanks Drink, I doubt I will though
I do like the idea of shagging someone nice though! Hope you get there. I think niceness is very underrated sometimes.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/04/2013 16:18

Oh dear. Fellow saddos . Come let's cheer up a bit. Hmm, but if I flirt with him and he'll run for the hills iy might be a bit embarrassing week in, week out. Need to send him an email re work and I'm giddy thinking about it.

Yep, it's all crap.

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MadBraLady · 03/04/2013 16:45

Oh yes, the clothes planning! Just the right neckline for, you know, the bloody morning meeting or whatever. And the correct wording of emails that he will read in TEN SECONDS FLAT and then never look at again.

Thank you though HotDAMN

izzyizin · 03/04/2013 18:15

Put those boob enhancing glad rags on, gal.

You never know who may be raising a glass to with you and it'd be sod's law if, despite any report you've had to the contrary, the object of your lust puts in an appearance.

Enjoy your

eccentrica · 03/04/2013 18:22

Not in this place in life at the moment, but from past experience, you always end up seeing them when you haven't shaved your legs, done your hair or worn decent underwear

BOEUF · 03/04/2013 18:32

Just phone him and ask him out. Snimps.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 04/04/2013 08:40

Hmmm. Did go out last night. It was fun. One of the guys was paying me lots of compliments but he has a girlfriend . Even if he didn't I wouldn't be interested.

That's the second guy in a week showing interest but the one that I fancy and is single... Humph.

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HotDAMNlifeisgood · 05/04/2013 11:17

I'll be going about my life in a productive, well-rounded fashion and then BAM, suddenly I like someone and they're consuming all of my thoughts. I'm there kicking myself for falling hard and fast again and rethinking everything I wear and planning to casually run into them at social occasions.

Ha ha ha - oh lord, that is me too, exactly.

I was really scared by how out of control I felt, and how much I couldn't stop thinking about him, and that was just because I wanted to shag him basically.

That too. I wonder: wouldn't it be better to just shag them already? Not that I have the courage to - oh lord! But, isn't that better than the plan to repress those feelings? I mean, repression is my approach too at the moment. But hypotheticlaly speaking: we should be shagging these men, right?

MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 11:35

They say the quickest way to get over someone is to get under them and all that. It's too difficult though! How do you get from the standing awkwardly at the bar avoiding their eye bit to the humping bit?

MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 11:36

Actually thinking about it I DID do this once, just walked up to someone and asked them bold as brass and three sheets to the wind. And it worked! Admittedly it was crap because we were both wasted, but still. Got me over them!

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/04/2013 12:03

Hmmm. But I would like him to make the first step. Not because I'm a twee ladylike flower but because I've always done it the hunting. And I had a horrible dream when he introduced to me his tall, willowy, rather Posh English fiancée, while I'm neither...

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MadBraLady · 05/04/2013 12:05

Yeah, same. That's probably because we're intimidatingly gorgeous and fabulous though so nobody believes they can approach us.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/04/2013 15:19

Of course. Well, I can be a little scary but apprently he thinks I'm very nice, which he had told me before but apparently I don't listen.

Jeez, good job I haven't said it outloud to anyone in RL, because they would be ??.

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DrinkFeckArseGirls · 05/04/2013 15:20

It was meant to show up a a nodding off smiley face, zzzzzzz.

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