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Relationship with PIL!

(2 Posts)
velmafromscoobydoo Tue 02-Apr-13 17:56:03

When I first met my PIL I thought they were ok, but over the years things get stranger.

My DH has never been the favourite, he is lovely, kind and has done well in life but he's always been the butt of his father's jokes. MIL doesn't make fun of DH but she never corrects FIL either. PIL is in general not a nice person, but comes across as very jolly when you first meet him. MIL is quiet and quite pleasant. DH has never been keen to spend time with PIL really, even when I first met him.

When BIL (the favourite) had his DD, he soon split with the mother and his weekend duties have been taken over by PIL. Their choice as I seem to think that they want to be 'parents again' and BIL has given in to it as he has a free weekend to go out with the boys. I remember in the early days that his girlfriend used to complain that 'PIL have my baby again', so we've been wary of them taking over with our children too. DH feels the same so we usually meet up together with the kids supervised by us. I know that PIL would love to have them more, but we're not keen. I think PIL think that we are controlling, but it is based on their behaviour with DN and how they've taken over. Never have said that though.

Over the years their house has got progressively worse (hoarding), it is a dreadful mess and we used to visit but don't any more, they are always welcome here. This was ok, but PIL would always turn up late to visit (around 9pm) and DH had to tell them to come round earlier as DD has recently started school and we want to put her to bed at a reasonable time.

I also recently had DD2 and I was out by the next day so didn't want visitors on the ward, we just wanted it to be the four of us in hospital (DH picked up DD from school).

In between the no-visitors at hospital/ asking them to come to our house earlier they seem to be sulking and don't call as often/ visit as often.

To be honest we are quite enjoying the peace, but I also have a twang of guilt.

I know this is all a jumble and there's lots more going on (just little bitty things), but I'd be writing an essay if I wrote it all down. I guess I just want some insight.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Apr-13 18:54:37

Never mind that they think you are controlling. It's your life, your family, your children and if you only want them to be involved to a certain degree that's entirely your prerogative. If they want to have a relationship with their son and their grandchildren, they'll eventually toe the line.

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