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what was the last straw?

(72 Posts)
Newmumsuchfun Tue 02-Apr-13 10:24:26

what did your ex other half do that made you decide enough was enough? or what could your current partner do that would make you leave?

NinaHeart Tue 02-Apr-13 10:51:13

I had a hospital appointment for a "one stop shop" regarding a breast lump. He wouldn't come with me as he was playing golf.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 02-Apr-13 10:54:31

That's a 'how long is a piece of string' question. There are women on this board who have become so acclimatised to sustained aggression over a long period of time that they struggle to see it is abnormal and therefore never decide enough is enough. There are some that live with a very badly behaved, poor excuse for a man but - bizarrely - don't want to say enough is enough because it might upset the children. There are others that operate zero tolerance and ask the partner to leave for something that, to others, might seem relatively trivial. All sorts....

What's happening in your relationship that you are at that stage?

purplewithred Tue 02-Apr-13 11:02:08

Some last tiny straw just tipped the balance - I think it was the umpteenth time when we had a 'talk' for him to call me to task yet again for clearly not being happy and committed to the relationship, and tell me what I was doing wrong, without ever asking what he could do to make things right again or what he was contributing to my unhappiness. Suddenly, it was all over, the time had come.

MsNobodyAgain Tue 02-Apr-13 11:04:07

I agree with cog. I put up with years of abuse. Clung onto a long dead marriage.

If you are even asking yourself that question, it's time to get out.

EggwiniasRevenge Tue 02-Apr-13 11:08:55

£40 worth of valentines trash and a dozen soppy poems for the other woman.

A shitty card promising all his love forever for me.

nurseneedshelp Tue 02-Apr-13 11:12:29

Agree with cogito, sometimes you reach the point where you just can't tolerate any more and can't imagine yourself in the same shitty situation in a year's time.

I took a massive beating because I was half hour late home from work.

I work as an A+E nurse and was terrified of a trauma coming in as my shift was finishing as I'd get the silent treatment for days if I was few minutes late!

My life couldn't be any more different now with my new DP if I'm late home I get a big cuddle and a cold glass of wine :-)

I love my "new" life and know I'll never let myself be treated like that again!

Lueji Tue 02-Apr-13 11:32:04

The second time he assaulted me. I called the police to make him leave the house.
Stupidly I still let him back in again, still reinforcing that we were finished.

What really, really, really broke the last straw, was two days later when he threatened to kill himself, and said he would take me and DS, if we didn't go back together.
I was out of the house within one hour (he thought he had "won") with DS never to return.

baw70 Tue 02-Apr-13 16:18:36

DS2 was born 12 weeks too early and was in SCBU for a long time. ThenDH refused to hold him the week after he was born, in case he was sick on his suit. The look on the nurse's face said it all. Later, he refused to do the baby CPR training required before the baby was allowed home. We had been told that it was something both parents had to attend, so I was worried DS2 wouldn't be allowed home and queried it with the nurses. They told me that they were under no illusion as to how little parenting ExDH would be doing and they more or less classed me as a single parent for the purposes of the criteria for DS2 being allowed to come home. His behaviour throughout the pregnancy had been callous and unpleasant, as it was throughout DS2's time in SCBU and after. Although it took a further 4 years for us to separate, I knew right then that I would not be spending the rest of my life with this man and that it was just a matter of time.

Marymoo73 Tue 02-Apr-13 16:26:21

First affair when DD was 6 months old and I was suffering crippling PND. Found him out, he promised to change, would never do it again etc etc....6 months later he was at it again. Finally saw him for the weak, pathetic wanker he truly was and got rid.

SanctiMOMious Tue 02-Apr-13 16:28:22

I put up with years of abuse too, but I think for some there is a moment of lucidity and it comes in the middle of something which is no worse than thousands of things that went before it.

AnyFucker Tue 02-Apr-13 16:36:43

I do believe it is often something insignificant in the scheme of things that can be the Last Straw.

Betrayedbutsurvived Tue 02-Apr-13 16:54:17

1st ex, he was hitting me again, and he said, "I'm going to make your life hell" it suddenly dawned on me that he would, and started planning my escape that day.

Ex number 2, we had a row and he left me with no money, several miles from home in the middle of the night,, and drove home. When I finally managed to get back ( had no option but to walk) I pointed out I could have been raped, his response was that it would have served me right if I had, I left the same night, and to this day he can't understand why.

NiniLegsInTheAir Tue 02-Apr-13 16:55:58

From what I know, the 'last straw' is usually something that as AnyFucker says, is insignificant in the scheme of things.

For me - the last straw was not when he tried to strangle me, nor when he hit me and claimed he didn't, nor the years of emotional put downs, or even the refusal to offer me any support when both DD and me were distressed in labour. No, my last straw was when he dropped into conversation that the tickets he'd booked to a concert for both himself and FIL was for the day of our wedding anniversary. He'd deliberately not told me as he knew I'd be upset and didn't want the aggro.

This was recently, so I'm not out yet. But I'm forming real, concrete plans for the first time.

Does this help OP?

FennCara Tue 02-Apr-13 17:10:17

Agree with insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

He let a door swing back at me, so I got stuck in the door. He rolled his eyes (denies this) and I said "Sorry!"

He told me to fuck off.

We drove 300 miles back home the next day. I collapsed unconscious at a service station and he still walked out as soon as we got home. We haven't been together since.

Still18atheart Tue 02-Apr-13 17:14:44

looking back really silly

but i was walking back to my house with a heavy load and i knew that even if i wanted him to be and if he wasn't busy that even then he would't help me

After that I did a pros and cons list, the cons vastly outweighed the pros and I though enough was enough

Ahhhcrap Tue 02-Apr-13 17:19:08

After years if EA he lost his rag with me because I put a pan of water on the wrong ring shock so I told him I was leaving (it was most defo the straw that broke the camels back in my case) he said 'if you walk out that door ill never let you back in' do I walked grin the look on his face was priceless

Newmumsuchfun Tue 02-Apr-13 19:08:07

Just to say I am still here and reading all responses. thank you. maybe i should have asked- looking back, what should have been the first straw? As in, what did you ignore that you shouldnt have ... in the first instance.

AnyFucker Tue 02-Apr-13 20:07:53

OP, have a look here

Newmumsuchfun Tue 02-Apr-13 20:13:07

that's a good website. thank you.

AnyFucker Tue 02-Apr-13 20:14:44

Yes, I think it is too

are you ok ?

Ahhhcrap Tue 02-Apr-13 21:11:07

I ignored him being stroppy, to such an extent I stopped, when I saw my friends. He also told me if I didn't move in with him he'd finish with me (I was 17), married at 26, left at 27..

Newmumsuchfun Tue 02-Apr-13 21:34:49

yes i think i am ok. There has basically been an incident but dont want to go into detail. A physical incident but I started it.
I pushed.

Uppatreecuppatea Tue 02-Apr-13 21:44:21

Bear this (I think, wonderful) saying in mind when thinking of last straws:

"It's not the death of a loved one that drives you round the bend but a broken shoelace with no time to spare".

Basically, it's the little things that get you in the end. Good luck OP

AnyFucker Tue 02-Apr-13 21:47:28

It's ok if you don't want to go into detail. Any time you like, you will get support here.

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