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Fed up with DH's moods

(15 Posts)
JoansRivers Mon 01-Apr-13 21:34:36

DH and I hve been married for 7 years with wo DDs. He is so unreasonable and moody that I can barely stand it. I honestly feel like a second class person in the marriage. In a good mood, he is lovely and we have a laugh, but I walk on egg shells to avoid him being in a mood. He dislikes all of my friends, I never socialise anymore, he particularly hates a close male friend who I barely see now. He's convinced that the friend is after me, which he isn't. He socialises most evenings when he's working away and is a very heavy drinker on nights out. We don't have a joint bank account, and although he works away every week, he gives me limited cash. He does virtually nothing to help me. My car has a puncture which he won't fix and he hates my driving his car, so I feel stranded. He hates all the teachers and Mums at the DDs' school. But he does like my family. My Mum thinks I should leave him. But I know he'd give me no money and I'd hve to fight for every penny. I am so miserable since he's in a mood about something tonight. Luckily, he's heading off tomorrow morning and won't be Back until Friday.

RandomMess Mon 01-Apr-13 21:36:19

Jeez sounds horrendous and tbh abusive - leaves you short of money, has isolated you from friends and you spend your life treading on eggshells...

dopeysheep Mon 01-Apr-13 21:43:25

He sounds massively controlling. He would have to give you money via CSA if you left.
Are you scared of him? Your situation sounds awful I think your mum is right.

JoansRivers Mon 01-Apr-13 21:46:19

I honestly don't think he is abusive. He is extremely selfish, self-centred and moody. He isn't cruel, doesn't criticise me and he loves me.
But, he even went ino a mood yesterday because DD1 was asking me questions and not him. I asked him for extra money this week since it's the Easter holidays. He went out in the car in a huff about 45 mins ago. It's miserable.

JoansRivers Mon 01-Apr-13 21:47:47

I'm not scared of him at all. Just fed up. If he didn't work away four days a week, I don't know what I'd do. But, weeks go by when everything's fine.

dopeysheep Mon 01-Apr-13 21:49:15

Also he hates all your friends, all the teachers and mothers at school? Anyone who might help you see how badly he treats you.
He has cut you off from your friends and he is happy to leave you with no transport.
He sounds nasty.

happystory Mon 01-Apr-13 21:53:09

You have got to decide what you want from this marriage. The early years can be tough. but personally I wouldn't stand for having to beg for money and being glad he was away half the week. Not my idea of a partnership.

happystory Mon 01-Apr-13 21:54:52

and your mum seems to see you are unhappy...

JoansRivers Mon 01-Apr-13 23:03:12

I do see that it reads that way, but he is only really just incredibly selfish.

Fairenuff Mon 01-Apr-13 23:07:26

What you are describing is abuse.

izzyizin Mon 01-Apr-13 23:09:27

Jeez, honey, Are you ever fooling yourself!

He not 'just incredibly selfish'. He's an alcohol dependent emotionally and financially abusive twunt who is an appalling role model for your dds.

It sounds as if your dm has got his number - listen to her and take heed of what you'll be told on this thread.

RunningAgain Mon 01-Apr-13 23:10:31

Financial and emotional abuse sad

ThreeTomatoes Tue 02-Apr-13 00:02:35

Have a look around this website.

Spiritedwolf Tue 02-Apr-13 00:26:46

I understand why you are back tracking at the sight of the word abuse . Its a big scary word that you don't currently associate with your life.

But he is controlling you with these moods and with access to money. In a normal relationship, if your husband didnt like your friends then he might choose not to socialise with them himself but he wouldn't make you feel you couldnt see them. If you need a car repair to get around safely then it would be fixed if as a family you could afford it.

There are different styles of bullying. If he can get what he wants by sulking, moaning or by just refusing you access to money then he doesnt need to frighten you to control you - does he? What would happen if you did something he disagreed with like arranging an evening with friends or getting the car mended? How would he react?

I like your mum too, I think its worth listening to her. You need to think about how much longer you want to stay in a relationship like this.

redskynight Tue 02-Apr-13 09:54:44

He is financially abusive, isolates you, controlling, doesn't let you socialise or go out but is always out himself and drinking, moody, you walk on egg shells => emotionally abusive. And you say you are so miserable sad. If you were watching your daughter or friend in a relationship like this, what would you want to say to them? No one should feel like a second class citizen in a relationship, that is not normal. You deserve better. A lot better.

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