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Unable to brush under the carpet this time.

(22 Posts)
Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 17:59:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

something2say Sun 31-Mar-13 18:02:09

Find out your legal position.
Stop feeding him and doing washing.
Thank god you saw the light.
Which you are right to do.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:03:44

Is he having any treatment for his bipolar?

Who looked after the kids when he worked?

Do you own your own house?

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 31-Mar-13 18:04:48


I think I'd wait until after the holidays and speak to a solicitor.

Does your DH look after your daughter while you work? Or does she go to alternate childcare?

Bipolar depression and gambling are often linked, so he may not be lying. But if he's not getting help, either by taking medication or undergoing therapy, it's not much of an excuse.

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 18:07:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:11:54

If you're married and bought the house together, it doesn't generally matter whose name is on the deeds.

Yes I thought you were going to say he wasn't getting any treatment for his condition. That's his responsibility then.

So you go to a solicitor and work out how you'll divide finances and childcare/residence when you split.

CajaDeLaMemoria Sun 31-Mar-13 18:12:48

The concern is whether he'd be able to argue that historically he is the primary care of your children. If you work away from the home and he is home with them, that might be the case.

Could you afford to move out without the money you put into his house? Forcing a sale to get your share back can take some time.

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 18:18:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 18:28:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 18:35:18

So you reiterate that you're deadly serious about splitting up and won't change your mind and point out that living separate lives in the family home will fuck the children up, so it's best if he moves out and sees a solicitor to protect his financial interests and to discuss residence, just like you will be doing.

If you're serious about this and know you've had enough, don't get sucked back into discussions about his lies and just focus on parting as amicably as possibly.

Tortington Sun 31-Mar-13 18:40:08

just cos there is no equity in the house doesn't mean you shouldn't sell - unless negative equity. I would force a sale

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 18:53:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarBetterNow Sun 31-Mar-13 19:22:21

MUMSNET - Please note:

Quote ironic that there is an advert for 'Luxury Casino - PAY NOW' at the side of this thread.

So you are doing all the work and he's just throwing the cash away.

FarBetterNow Sun 31-Mar-13 19:23:57

'Luxury Casino - PLAY NOW' - though PAY NOW is more true

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 19:29:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:31:47

So what have you decided to do?

JuliaScurr Sun 31-Mar-13 19:40:28

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 19:43:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:47:32

He'll only take you seriously if you actually do something about it. If you leave it and do nothing about getting legal advice and putting in train a separation, he'll think you make empty threats and back under the carpet it will all go till the next time....and the one after that.

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 19:49:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

badinage Sun 31-Mar-13 19:54:46

Can you clarify what you mean by money? For legal advice? Some sols do a free half hour and you could post in Legal or find out a load of stuff online.

If you mean to live separately from him then yes, that might be difficult in the short term. But at least the money you earn or claim will be untouched and won't be lining a poker den or bookie's pockets eh?

Hurdygurdywoman Sun 31-Mar-13 20:03:40

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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