Because... although I'm trying very hard not to engage with my ex, which will just end up a you said/he said circular bout of frustration, the flipside of that is when do I ever get to say what I am feeling.
He lets loose every now and then, and I get another email implying that having thought about it, the time when I did [whatever it was], he's concluded I was probably just doing [something nasty, deceitful or selfish] wasn't I, and he offloads about how awful he's feeling, and how heartless I am to just be getting on with it.
And I read some of the nicer examples on here, and think how comfortable it must be to have a partner who doesn't go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on at you all the time, getting you to defend and justify yourself.
Well I've just had another batch, so here is my list of things I would like to scream to the heavens, but have to keep to myself because we are not together any more and there is no point saying these things to him:
No, I didn't have an affair any of the times you accused me of it although you did it appears
No, I didn't 'coincidentally' dump you when I found a new job (implying what? I was keeping you around in case I wanted money?) - we had split up six months before I even applied.
No, I am not seeing someone else, and repeatedly telling me I am won't make it any more true.
We split up because you were violent to me. Because you were angry, aggressive, spiteful.
Yes, I know you were stressed. That has fuck all to do with it. I was in the same boat AND had to live with your shouting and raging and punching the doors in.
No, I am not mad. Nor am I being horrible to you. I am just not responding to emails other than the practical stuff.
No, I do not want vouchers through the post. I didn't send them back to make a spiteful 'point', but because you probably need them.
No, I don't know how much you loved me. Probably because you never actually showed it. Probably because you showed me the sort of behaviour you would use for people you despised.
No, I haven't been in contact with your ex.
No, I am not dead from the neck down, I just ceased finding you very attractive when you were bellowing in my face.
No, I am not 'punishing' you if I end a conversation because you're getting angry and incoherent.
No, I am not neurotic, and neither are my pets purely through proximity to me 
.
No, I don't have to try to trust you. You're twice my size and you think it's ok to physically bully me. Even my amazing intellect creaked into action to tell me that I probably wasn't going to be able to fix this when the police were round for the third time.
Those slaps on the arse hurt. And every time I said so, you just did it harder the next time. I had to sidle around my own fucking home.
"I know that in the brief spells when I've treated you properly and not been acting like a selfish arse, nobody has ever made me feel happier than you.". Brief spells? I look back and I could cry my heart out at the effort I put in.
No, wait, I've already done that.
I read a thread earlier talking about 80% of something versus 100% of nothing. Nothing? Being able to come back to your own home without fretting about what mood one is going to encounter, or what 'wrong' one has done that day, is not 'nothing'. It's bloody well everything.
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Relationships
You don't need to read this, I just need to type it out.
LeucanTheMopsis · 30/03/2013 21:44
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And breathe ((((((hugs))))))
Go for it, send it then delete him from your phone, email, life!!
He is still having a level of control over you, even from a distance.
I agree it's not 100% of nothing, it's regaining 100 % of your life 
That's very kind - you've reminded me of another:
No, I am not using 'long words' just to confuse you, I am trying to be as precise and honest as I can with the language I have.
He did like the old Dennis Waterman defence
Thank you Being, strangely, I do feel as though I have breathed out now. I'm not going to send it - that was never the intention. It's utterly pointless. What he doesn't know, he makes up. What I tell him, he dismisses as lies if it doesn't fit with what he's made up. And so on...
Unfortunately, he's left something rather valuable here so I can't just block him because at some point we have to liaise over when he gets it removed.
Erm, sort of done the Freedom Programme online 
, but am ashamed to say that after about six sessions of Name The Twat, I didn't find categorising twats was really helping .
Hissy and Inertia - it can't be moved easily, and he has the ownership papers, so he'll have to do it. He mentioned it recently, so my hopes are rising it may happen soon.
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