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Dh looking at pics on net

(14 Posts)
Paddlinglikeaswan Sat 30-Mar-13 19:01:27

I have a dilemma, been together twenty years two great kids,sex life was ok but non existent now, I don't mind tbh.oh is doing a degree and working ft, great dad and hubbi.however a few times now I have come down early in morning and quietly and seen his screen with pics of topless women on, he's obviously flicking through them and when he hears me he quickly shuts them down....we are happy I don't want to rock the boat, I also have put on quite a bit of weight and have a lot of family stress with extended family, he is a good man and I am happy with my I confront him,or let it lie

izzyizin Sat 30-Mar-13 19:12:45

Why would you want to 'confront' him? Talk to him calmly about how it makes you feel to know he's ogling ow boobs on his computer and work on reviving your non-existent sex life.

Paddlinglikeaswan Sat 30-Mar-13 19:40:13

I am not sure how I could approach it calmly,how do I just drop it into conversation....and once it's said there's no going back

jinxdragon Sat 30-Mar-13 19:47:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paddlinglikeaswan Sat 30-Mar-13 19:53:14

Well he definitely would not be aggressive he would just shut down I think, more out of being caught and embarrassment than anything else

jinxdragon Sat 30-Mar-13 19:55:49

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 30-Mar-13 20:20:05

I have been there. We go ages without anything happening and then I accidently catch him looking again. He obviously does it a lot, I can't be catching him at it 100% of the time he actually has a crafty look.

I have told him time and time again that I don't like it. I can't speak to him for a couple of days, he's contrite and apologetic, we tiptoe around each other for a bit and then we gradually forget that we ever fell out and things go back to normal happy family life.

And then I spot him doing it again. And it makes me feel disrespected and unloved all over again.

The trouble is the rest of the time he is the most loving and respectful husband. He pulls his weight with the kids, he works really hard and is good at his career. He helps out around the house, even though I'm a sahp. We share all his earnings. We still have a fairly active sex life.

I can't justify ruining all that, all the happy normal life we have, and splitting up our family for the sake of a few moments of porn.

If that makes me look bad tough shit. I can live with it.

Verbalpunchbag Sat 30-Mar-13 20:26:35

You say you don't mind that your sex life is non-existent but it seems your husband still has an interest in sex, I think that is what you need to discuss with him.

jinxdragon Sat 30-Mar-13 20:27:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairylea Sat 30-Mar-13 20:29:55

I agree with verbal.

I think your dh is not as happy with the status quo as you are. Its a bigger issue than the pics.

What are the reasons you aren't having sex anymore? Could you openly talk to him about that and go from there ?

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Sat 30-Mar-13 20:34:58

Sorry Paddling that was a bit of a rant there. blush

I don't like it either but I don't seem to be able to do anything about it. I know it's not right but I don't think it's worth uprooting our entire lives for. I seem to have resigned myself to living with it. I don't think I'm entirely happy about it but I can't seem to find another solution. I really hope you manage to sort your life out a bit better than I have done.

Paddlinglikeaswan Sat 30-Mar-13 20:57:09

Ilovemydogs, I know what you mean, and he went off the sex not e, I tried and tried for a good twelve months but he just lost all interest, in every other way he is a fantastic partner,kind funny helpful,outstanding dad, hard working that's why I am torn do I say I know or just bumble on

bestsonever Sun 31-Mar-13 15:38:16

You could try having a proper discussion and try to get to the bottom of why he has gone off sex. If it's how you feel, explain to him that being sexual is important to you and that you would perhaps find it hard to see a future stretching out where there is no sex ever.
Only through discussion will you get to understand each others feelings and find a way forward, either together with changes so you are both happy or apart if it needs to come to that. The boob-watching is the tip of the iceberg, you have much to work through. GL

revolvenotevolve Sun 31-Mar-13 16:07:46

I personally wouldn't have a major issue with this especially if I wasn't bothered about having sex or initiating it myself.

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