Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Present from Ex BF

(7 Posts)
BicBiro Sat 30-Mar-13 16:36:32

Hi all

I just wanted to get some opinions on this. My BF and I split up at the beginning of Jan after 2 years together. It was probably a 'too intense' relationship looking back, and both of us struggled with it at times. I particularly struggled with feelings that he wasnt as committed as me which caused problems as I worried about the future/marriage/babies and talking about these things was all one way and quite honestly sticking pins in my eyes would have been preferable, those conversations were so awkward as he never knew what he wanted. Anyway, we were away for a month over xmas, fantastic holiday, no problems while we were away but the underlying ones hadnt gone so when we got back so I ended it. That was the beginning of Jan.

Now we've since each other once about a month after the split - was v emotional with lots of crying. No real contact since. I've avoided seeing him as I know it would hurt too much.

So its my 33rd bday this weekend. At the end of last week I got an email from reception at work saying he had dropped a bag in for me. I went to get it and found a present for my bday, card and easter egg. Nothing expensive but thoughful things he knew i would like. He didnt hang around to give it to me in person. Reception said he had seemed pretty awkward/nervous.

So what the hell is that all about then? I'm not sure I would give a present to him if it was the other way round as I would think it would complicate things. We arent at the friends stage yet although we did both say we would like to be friends. I really dont want to read too much into it, but still cant quite understand it. It is just because he feels guilty at not being able to give me the things I hoped for in the relationship?

Any thoughts?

Verbalpunchbag Sat 30-Mar-13 16:52:42

Think it's his way of showing you your still in his thoughts, only real way to know is to ask.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 30-Mar-13 17:44:00

My feeling is that he hasn't properly accepted he is dumped. He's trying to restart contact & stimulate a conversation again, presumably to see if there's another chance. If you call or text to say 'thank you'... that's his opportunity.

LittleChickpea Sat 30-Mar-13 21:18:50

I am really sorry o hear about your split. I am sorry but I am a little confused. Do you still love him? Did you only end it because he wasn't redy to talk about children and marriage after only two years together?

It seems he still cares about you. You mentioned you didn't want to read into it. If you have ended it, what would there be to read in to?

If in your mind ts over then I would reiterate it to him and let him know dropping gifts etc. isnt helpful. But if you are hopeful the break may shock him into changing his mind on marriage and kids then maybe you need to speak to him. If its a no go for him then at least yo know and if its what you want you can move on with no ifs or buts..

BicBiro Sun 31-Mar-13 00:09:54

Thanks for your responses. I ended it because I was feeling more and more insecure about the future and it had become a big issue between us, well mainly for me. I really regret letting this happen. I became a bit obsessed with worrying that I was just going to waste years and years and he'd never commit and I'd never have a baby and so on and so on...

So I guess because I am feeling quite responsible for that part of things (although he has responsibility for other parts which didnt help either) I havent fully moved on from him yet so when I saw him and he obviously hadnt moved on either I had a bit of hope that maybe it wasnt all over and given a bit of time.....maybe it could be different. Then I thought well there's no point going straight back to that insecurity so tried to move on again, now getting the present has taken me back to that place of maybe...

Re asking him - I'm stuck in a place of feeling like I havent fully worked out why I was so insecure so if we try again it will probably just go back to that, so that would be a huge mistake.

I did text him a really nice text to say thank you and how touched I was, he responded to say he was glad I liked them. so perhaps it really was just a nice gesture.

i think my head's just a bit wrecked with trying to move on. It's bloody hard work. I've never got over someone from start to finish before so dont really know what to expect (always started a new relationship really quickly after the previous one ended) and i was determined to end that pattern and go through it all this time.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sun 31-Mar-13 07:54:30

You broke up because you were obsessing about an uncertain future. And what you achieved in the process was an even less certain future.... hence why you feel disorientated.

You say you've always gone from one relationship to the next. The answer, therefore, is probably not to go back to someone from the past hoping they'll have some mammoth change of heart, and it certainly isn't going out there hunting someone new to fulfil this baby-obsession, but to make some concrete plans how you can make yourself feel more secure and happy in your skin as an independent woman. Boost your confidence, find some peace of mind and then maybe you'll be able to leave the feeling of desperation behind

BicBiro Sun 31-Mar-13 22:07:38

thanks cog smile

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now