Getting over it??

[Georgebooboo]

I posted a couple of weeks ago after my husband left me and our baby. I had lots of lovely support from u all most of you suggesting there was a ow. Some things have happened that make me fairly sure that's the case. I've come to terms with the fact it's over between us but what I wanted to know is how do u get over the rejected feeling. It's hard enough being left but so much worse when it's for someone else . Would like to know if anyone has come through the other side for the better? And did they live happily ever after? X

[TurnipCake]

Would like to know if anyone has come through the other side for the better?

Yes! I did. I had someone leave me for someone else and initially, it's the pits. I spent a lot of time around loving friends and family, sought therapy (which I was already in) and mentally took myself back to the drawing board to figure out what makes me 'me' and took up new hobbies. This doesn't all happen at once, mind, but little steps and all that. Not even a year down the line but I bounced back as will you.

As for my ex? I suspect he's still with the ow. I recently saw a photo of them together - posing awkwardly, her arms folded, about half a foot between them and he has a terrible attempt at a beard [/schadenfreude]

The point is, even though you feel rejection at this stage, often we choose people who reflect certain things about ourselves. Your ex has gone for this ow based on who he is - a liar, a cheat, emotionally unavailable etc.

Keep looking after yourself, focus on you and your lovely baby and you'll find yourself less focused on what he's up to.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

"how do u get over the rejected feeling."

Time, determination and keeping busy and distracted. In my case the rejection was long enough ago to be ancient history. Thinking back to the quality of the relationship I actually think the OW did me a HUGE favour taking fuckwit exH off my hands. However, it certainly changed my view towards potential partners, made me a lot less naive and gullible & far more assertive about putting myself first rather than feather-bedding someone else's neuroses ever again ... Did I live happily ever after? Coming up on 18 years and still single some might say no I haven't. But I beg to differ. :)

[TheOrchardKeeper]

Aww I'm so sorry to hear that. It's a double blow almost.

I wasn't left but I was treated like I wasn't wanted for a long time (before leaving in the end) & I sort of understand how humiliating & confidence-crushing it can be.

but it was the best thing that ever happened, in two ways.

Firstly, you learn a lot. I can safely say I'd never let myself be treated so badly again & would see red flags that I missed before (and I hope that's the same for you).

Secondly, once you recover some of your self worth & confidence you realize you're better off without...and may even go on to meet someone decent.

(I did )

Good luck!

[TurnipCake]

Yep, the OW gets the booby prize.

[TheOrchardKeeper]

(I also find it useful to think 'well I was strong enough to leave/cope without 'x' despite having a kid with him & being scared shitless of being alone...if you can do that, you can do anything...

Hope this bit passes and you start getting back on your feet soon)

[Georgebooboo]

Thank you for all of your kind replies. I'm so happy I've got my little one to keep me going, I do love him so much!! And I really do I hope one day I will think this heartbreak was all for the best x

[EllaFitzgerald]

Just keep reminding yourself that it wasn't you personally he rejected. He's a cheating, lying arse and he would have cheated, lied and been an arse even if he'd met and married some other poor woman. Then take your revenge by getting on with your life and making yourself and your little one very happy without him.

[izzyizin]

Exactly what Ella's said and, as leopards don't change their spots, he'll cheat on the ow if she doesn't cheat on him first - make sure he doesn't get to cheat on her with you [buwink]

[MsWinnieBaygo]

This isn't a rejection of you but a reflection on him as a person. Someone who is so deceitful, dishonest and callous does not get the right to determine your self worth as a person. You may not feel like it now but you are miles better off without him and I would feel nothing but pity for the OW. She knew what a cheating bastard he was, you didn't at the time - what does that say about her self worth and esteem willingly entering into a relationship with a man like that?

You deserve and are worth so much better - it's early days - take each hour at a time, then each day, then each week. Look on it as an exciting opportunity to eventually one day end up with a man who is worthy if you. The OW, on the other hand, is lumbered with a selfish cheating lying prick.

[Georgebooboo]

Thank u for all of your replies, I am taking each day as it comes. It difficult to come to terms with what's happened, it hurts and it's hard to switch off my feelings. Fingers crossed I will look back at this one day and know it was for the best. X