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Has anyone fallen passionatelly in love again with DP/DH?

(14 Posts)
Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 08:01:23

Someone said in a thread that people fall in and out of love all the time with long term DP'd or DH's. Do you think this is true?
I am really really hoping it is. I want to feel in love with DP again.
I know I opened a similar thread, and I got lots of advise as to what to do to get the spark back, but I am opening this one to see if anyone has actually experienced it, I'd like to read positive stories that will give me hope and reassurance when I get doubts (usually around TOTM...)

TobyLerone Fri 29-Mar-13 08:07:39

Why did you fall in love with him in the first place?

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 08:13:14

It was a lot of sexual passion. I felt very attracted to the way he was very serious and mature. This now has become grumpiness and a bit boring sad, although bless him he is really trying to change this as we have had a few conversations.
He has sleeping problems, and is often tired, which makes him grumpy.

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 08:13:59

Oh and I have lost my libido, so not having sexual passion now its my "fault". He'd happily have sex everyday!

TobyLerone Fri 29-Mar-13 08:17:05

Well, you've lost your libido because you don't fancy him any more.

I've just re-read your OP and realised that you've already had good advice about how to get it back. So, to answer your actual question, no I haven't.

Hopefully someone more useful will be along soon!

gingeme Fri 29-Mar-13 08:17:11

How long have you been together ?

andadietcoke Fri 29-Mar-13 08:19:43

I did. I walked out, and I swore I wouldn't go back unless I could fall in love with him again. When we were apart I didn't miss him, at first, but he fought for me, which I never thought he'd do. We talked a lot, about why I'd left, why I felt he was more like a housemate than a husband, and he kept forcing me to meet up and spend time with him, and over time I got lonelier, and realised I wasn't happier without him, and that the things I thought he wouldn't change his mind about (children), he could. We were apart for about three months and have been back together for a year. So much has changed. We're content in each other's company, and don't go out as much as we used to in a group. He's changed the things that drove me up the wall, and I make home life my priority over my work life. I sometimes look across at him and feel so so lucky that I had a second chance, and that he didn't just let me walk away. However, I also don't regret what I did. I think we needed that space to realise what we wanted as adults (we've been together since we were 14), and if I hadn't left, I'd still be miserable now. I'm so content now, just the two of us, with two more on the way grin

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 08:36:27

Thank you TobyLerone

andadietcoke congratulations!! for both things!
I told him I wanted to leave after Christmas but we do have a DD and although I feel time apart would do us a lot of good, it really is not that easy with a little one, she is 3 and a half.

But if that could be a solution it is something worth talking about...

We have been together for 7 years more or less, a bit on and off at the start.

andadietcoke Fri 29-Mar-13 08:53:36

kione it was easier for me - no kids. I think for you it's less straightforward, unless you can come to some arrangement. Does he recognise there's a problem and/or that you can't go on as you are? For my DH it came as a complete shock, but I also recognise that I probably didn't try and force a discussion about it before it got to the point that I left - I was so convinced there was nothing worth saving. Saying that though, I think we needed drastic!

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 08:59:27

We had a painful talk after Christmas, I was actually telling him I was leaving, this came as a shock to him and he did snap out of it. he has made a real effort to go out with us as a family, for lunches out, coffee in town (this is big, he hated going to town). So the ball is in my court, I just want to have my feelings back for him because it is my turn to do something now.

Dilidali Fri 29-Mar-13 09:45:17

We did. We had a lot of happy years before we got married. We got married and things went downhill from there, 10 years of misery( during which we had a child). We grew apart, never socialised together, rows, lack of respect etc. we reached a point where we both realised we had two choices: make a go of it again or go our separate ways. What helped was that as parents we never ever disagreed, not even behing closed doors, weboth have exactly the same approach to parenting our child. The respect was there, the communication... But only when it came to our child, everything else was hell.
So we had counselling. For a year. I have a temper and I am sociable, he's stubborn and selfish. I am a 'do-er', he's a 'something will come up'. We come from different cultures. We are the opposites of each other.
Nothing spectacular happened for me when we were in counselling. It was heart breaking even. I aged years during that time.

Few months later something must have clicked in his head. He made me a coffee unasked and said: you look shattered, thought this might help. He got me tickets to see a band I like. He must have made a list with all the things I ever complained about and went on a mission to accomplish them all, without grudge, but more importantly, he is enjoying them too. I would know if he was playing mind games, he's fenomenally shite at it so he's left me bewildered ( I was quite worried he's hit his head or something for a while), speachless and really happy. Little things. So now I see the man I fell in love with again.

The trust is back. And with that we went back to being US. Yes, we're most and foremost parents, we drop everything for our kid. But we spend time together without mentioning bills, headlice, timetables, shopping list. We're more curteous to each other, more respectful. I no longer indulge in husband bashing sessions with the girls although they have been a life saver for years and kept me sane. I never stopped looking after myself, but now I would think of an outfit to make his eyes pop out and giggle at the thought of it.
So yes, I suppose we fell in love again. I am not smug about it, it was heartbreaking till we got to this point. In our case it got to rock bottom and we realised we fell into a pattern that was making us deeply unhappy. Couldn't get any worse, so we went for making it better.

If you think about it, at work I am not someone's mum. With friends I am not someone's mum. With family I am not someone's mum. So why would I by solely the mother of his child? Why would I be the army general in the house? Why would I only be the cook/ cleaner/ breadwinner? Nah, see me as your girlfriend.
Works for us smile.

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 11:24:05

Thankd Dilidali! My DP is already doing the little things, so its down to mw now... So I guess I have to start to him as my boyfriend! I also think I dont find him physically as attractive as before sad . He did ask me this when we had a chat but I hadnt realised yet and told him no, that wadnt a problem. But maybe it is...
But thanks for both stories its GREAT to know that it can happen and I will focus on that smile

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 13:16:04

He went to get the papers and got me a.bunch of flowers reason smile and sad because I really really want to reciprocate! I gekt a wave of love for him but I wish it was all the time, more like being in love...

Kione Fri 29-Mar-13 13:16:35


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