Ive been with my partner for 6 years and im at the end of my tether, feel like im going to explode. Hes useless. I feel so resentful towards him at the moment.
He doesnt sort out anything or take any responsibility for anything - I do all the childcare and the majority of the housework. DS is 9 weeks and was unplanned, DP was adamant i got a termination but i couldnt do it and every argument we have about me being tired or stressed comes down to the fact that 'you knew it would be hard' and it makes me weep! He is a good dad to our 21 month old DD but it honestly doesnt come naturally to him at all, his DF is a terrible role model (alcoholic abusive man). He will spend time with DS but as soon as he cries he gets angry and stressed and cant deal with him. He openly admits he hates babies and didnt start interacting with DD really until she was about 9 months and wasnt a baby anymore.
I sort all the finances, all the household problems and pretty much everything, all he does is pay the bills. I was on maternity leave but ive had to go back to work 2 days a week because all he does is critisise me for not earning and i thought that if i went back he would shut up but he hasnt. Im so stressed out. I do all the night shifts with the kids, he hasnt offered and im so worn down by it all that i dont ask. My job is quite stressful so i need a good nights sleep but DS is poorly and thats impossible.
He is expecting me to drive him to his parents this weekend (100 miles) for them to meet DS (why the fuck they havent been bothered to come and see him themselves is beyond me) and im considering putting my foot down and saying im not going. Im so tired i physically ache. DP doesnt drive, this is a HUGE issue to me and causes a lot of rows as it means i have to do all the driving and taking kids everywhere is a nightmare with 2 so young.
We were supposed to go at xmas but i was 37 weeks pregnant and not feeling confident, i put my foot down (with the help of lovely munsnetters) and we didnt go but it caused a huge argument and a pretty rubbish xmas.
I want to leave him but ive got no money and nowhere to go except my parents and i dont want to disappoint them. They know how useless he is and are very supportive and helpful but say that i knew that before i had DS (not exactly thrilled about me having another baby either) and i should just get on with it. Im worried about how it will affect the kids too.
Im sorry i waffled on, im just totally stuck, confused and fucked off! I think i just needed to rant but any advice on how i can make changes is appreciated.
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Bloody useless partner. Fed up of doing it all by myself.
Numbthumbs · 29/03/2013 07:42
I think you need to forget about disappointing your parents. If they're as helpful and supportive as you say, then they won't want to see their DD waste her life with this man - that WOULD be a disappointment.
What a shame you've had to go back to work so soon against your wishes 
This is what maternity leave is for - to get through the early months of sleep deprivation (and to bond with your baby)!
I wouldn't have him take a 9 week old that he can't look after, to his parents house, without me. If he was competent and caring, it might be different.
I think you need to make plans to leave. Having no money shouldn't be a barrier to this. It'll be difficult, but not impossible.
You are not waffling on.
My XP was exactly the same as this, bloody hopeless. He clearly thought it was "Womens work". I struggled for 2 years and he frigging well sat and watched me. I did every single thing. Even asking him to wash up (once) created such a scene I just stopped asking in the end. His DM (who I respect deeply despite this) did everything for him, resulting in an adult of 40 incapable of cooking a meal. It wasn't just that, he refused to learn how, to assist me. I used to think "I might as well be a single mother!"
My XP, like yours also went on and on about how I had the life of Riley, doing nothing all day while he was out at work. He was jealous that I was at home all day and constantly questioned what I'd been doing all day. He was in and out of work a lot and to be perfectly honest more out than in. He is lazy.
Further to my comment about being a single mother, I made myself one. I finished with him due to his violence and constant drinking. I no longer have to run round after him like a lunatic every day, keep checking he has a cup of tea or coffee, drive to all night off licences alone to get him more alcohol, skivvy round after his other DC's (not their fault, his fault, they 15 and 20 y.o.) and clean up in circles after him.
He now has DS for 2 nights a week and does more now than hes ever done. Mind you he has moved across road from his DM who is running him everywhere (he is banned for Drink Driving) and probably fussing over him daily. He is also a self confessed sexist. One of my favourite quotes by him=
"Did women invent the wheel? Did they fuck as like!!"
He is a rare gem.
The only reason I allow my son to stay with him is the fact his DM is constantly hovering around, and is responsible and keeps an eye on things.
I am better off without him. It's very hurtful and diminishing to be cooking a full meal and looking after a newborn and trying to maintain order in your home while your "D" P sits drinking stella watching you. I fucking detest him. Sorry for language. I just want you to know I know how you feel OP.
And you deserve better
my parents... are very supportive and helpful but say that i knew that before i had DS... and i should just get on with it
In what way is that supportive and helpful? 
Sounds exactly the opposite if you ask me.
In my view, if you make your bed and it isn't comfortable, you make it again. You don't lie there thinking "ouch, I really didn't straighten that sheet enough, and I think I must have left a sock somewhere under my hip - oh well, I can't possibly make it again now, I've done my bedmaking and that's how it's gotta be". You get up and do something about it. If you're in a rubbish job, you apply for different jobs. If you're in a tumbledown house with damp, you either get it fixed or you plan how to move out. And if you're in a rubbish relationship... well, you get the picture. Saying you knew how it would be so you should stick in the same situation for ever is counselling a rare degree of apathy. I don't think that is what parents should be doing, frankly.
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