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I need a rant. So pissed off

(72 Posts)
parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 10:19:22

Hi i need to vent, so I'm using this. Friends are useless and family live miles away.

My useless cocklodger bf has been out of work for the past 3 months. Every day he sits on the play station, eating all the food I've put in the cupboards and fridge and he doesn't lift a finger. He leaves all his dirty plates lying around (im in the living room just now and i can see 4) and as soon as he feels like it hes off to the pub. With my money.

I'm 6 months pregnant, work 45 hours a week and we have a 4 year old. He refuses to look after the little one whilst I work forcing me to use family members when I can and a very expensive nursery most of the time. To be honest, I don't really trust him to look after her anyway because he is too selfish. I'm on supermarket wages so im not left with a lot. I pay all the rent, council tax and bills and he contributes nothing at all. Never has done. This morning he has an appointment with the job centre. I got up really early to start the housework before work (12pm start) and he kicked off saying I was making too much noise. I decided to have a bath (showers broken he won't fix it) and again he kicked off because I was using the hot water and he needed it (I pay for it). I gave up and had a wash (I'll shower at work later) and left him to it. He got out the bath and kicked off because he couldn't find a pair of jeans that he had given to me 3 weeks ago (it was 3 days ago) to wash. I can't find them and they must be in a pile of washing somewhere. This resulted in me being told how awful I am and how lazy I am. Every other woman manages to have all the washing, ironing and drying done and I can't keep on top or it. I tried explaining that I'm 6 months pregnant, tired and exhausted from working 6 days a week and trying to look after a 4 year old too. He just doesn't understand. He doesn't do any housework at all and never helps with the washing. He doesn't even know how to use the washing machine and when I offer to show him he says no that's woman's work.

I got some money today (im entitled to a small amount of tax credit) and hes now just went off on one saying he's due his friend £400 and he needs all the money out the bank. I've said no and now he's threatening to kill himself unless I give it to him.

Over the past few weeks I've given him nearly £2000 and never even got help in return. He just expects it.

I've managed to get a lease that's just in my name so I've got the rights to the house.

I'm working all the hours I can to please him. I've had enough.

How do you kick someone out if they refuse to leave?

So bloody angry

Sorry it's so long

I'm 25, he's 37.

Machli Thu 28-Mar-13 11:08:59

Ok cross posted. Phone your Big Dad and get him round then take the afternoon off work to put his belonging out.

I PROMISE you this is what I would do because I DID but I didn't have family help and had to call the police in the end.

In your position I wouldn't hesitate a moment longer.

Oh and do NOT call yourself fat and ugly! Don't you dare! I bet you're not and there's plenty (including him no doubt) that will talk crap about you, you don't need to do it to yourself. You sound lovely. Where are you? If you're near me I will come round and help you, I am experienced in putting useless, abusive men out where they belong wink.

EggyFucker Thu 28-Mar-13 11:09:46

Ring in sick at work today.

Put all his stuff out of the house.

Get your dad round and tell him together that he no longer lives with you, as of now.

Take his keys off him. Ring the non emergency police number and inform them so they will react more quickly if he kicks off. Then if he tries to enter your house again, call the police

Desperate times, desperate measures because this cocklodger won't leave quietly of his own accord.

delilahlilah Thu 28-Mar-13 11:15:06

What Eggy said. She has saved me some keystrokes. You are worth far more, and he will only continue to drag you down in order to maintain the status quo. Remember you owe him nothing, he brings nothing to the table, and none of this is of benefit to your or your DC.

delilahlilah Thu 28-Mar-13 11:16:00

Oh, and it is not a girlfirend he wants / needs it is a Mum.... to clean up after him and provide endlessly for him.....

Teeb Thu 28-Mar-13 11:25:33

Please remove this man from your home, and change the locks after. He sounds horribly abusive and a complete waste of space.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Thu 28-Mar-13 11:38:17

He verbally abuses you, cheats, lies and takes all your money. He doesn't lift a finger and you say that generally the relationship is not too bad?

I feel really sorry for you. Your self esteem must be in your boots if you genuinely think that being treated like that could ever happen in a relationship that 'wasn't too bad'.

Please enlist the help of your family to get him out.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 11:57:13

Definitely no time like the present. Take advantage of him being out of the house, get Dad round to help you fit a few security bolts and sling his stuff. £2000? shock You're just a cash machine to him aren't you?

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 20:24:18

Thanks everyone. I'm back from work and hes been told to stay away for a couple of days so I can only hope he does. I've left my keys in the door so he can't use the lock later on if he comes back drunk.

I am pretty much a cashpoint and slave to him and ive had enough. Spent the day at work worrying about everything and it's not good for me.

ErikNorseman Thu 28-Mar-13 20:45:47

Generally the relationship is not too bad

Are you fucking kidding? This relationship is completely horrendous.

number41 Thu 28-Mar-13 20:55:52

Why are you with him?

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 21:00:37

So what are you going to do if he does come back?

You don't seem very enthusiastic about getting this hideous person out of your life

parisfernandez Thu 28-Mar-13 21:03:11

I just keep thinking 'better the devil you know' and that things will get better. I've stuck it out for years and it's never really changed. I'm by no way a gold digger but im sick of paying for everything and it feels like I'm looking after another child.

Walking away from the father of your kids is a very hard thing to do and with my pregnancy at the moment I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it sad

I need to man up a bit i think for the sake of my kids.

Squitten Thu 28-Mar-13 21:11:59

Well your two first sentences immediately contradict each other, don't they? You're hoping for changes that you can see are not happening. You are absolutely correct - he is like another child and you don't want that in your partner. Your partner is supposed to be your support and your companion, not a burden around your neck.

I think you do need to do this for the sake of your kids if you can't do it for yourself. Imagine them learning how to behave from him?! Imagine this being their role model for future relationships. Would you want your DD to grow up to live with someone like this?

You CAN do this and I guarantee your life will immediately get better without this leech draining it out of you. Let's face it, you alreay do EVERYTHING on your own - you are ALREADY alone. What's to fear?

tiredlady Thu 28-Mar-13 21:24:09

You really need to tell him to fuck off.

What kind of example is he setting to your dd?

Do you want her growing up thinking this is an acceptable relationship for a woman to be in?

You may not think it, but you really would be better on your own.

something2say Thu 28-Mar-13 21:45:40

Well done Paris, good job.

Listen, we all have to leave useless men sometimes. It will be ,ich easier when he is gone xx. Well done love xxxx

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 21:52:18

Been like this for years? You are only 25 you don't deserve to feel like this.
You don't feel strong because he has ground you down. You hold the strong hand here, you have the tenancy turf him out.
I guarantee when he is not there all the time draining you things will be so much better.

dopeysheep Thu 28-Mar-13 21:56:11

And he's not much of a father if you have to put the kids in nursery and don't trust him to look after them on his own.
Sometimes it's hard to admit you have made a mistake/tied yourself to the wrong person but you should feel supported and loved not like a skivvy.

Helltotheno Thu 28-Mar-13 22:41:15

Yeah I'm a bit overweight and im ugly
Listen honey, never say that about yourself again. You are a great person with a huge amount to offer. Your family loves you, that's why they despise him, because they know you can do so much better.

Get Dad over to rough him up kick his sorry ass out and then take stock of your life. You have unresolved issues about your self-worth from the bullying you had when younger and you really need to get counselling to work through that. Stay away from men for a long while because while you're feeling that negative about yourself, you'll only attract arses.

Remember you came into this world equal to everyone else, you are just as good as everyone else and you do not have to take crap from people. Get rid of this sorry, pathetic excuse for a man and start living on your own terms.

lovesherdogstoomuch Fri 29-Mar-13 01:12:27

get. the. pig. out. of. your. house. end of. good luck. Oh and get your dad round. he's right.

Beckamaw Fri 29-Mar-13 01:18:52

Listen to me, I know about nob heads.
My ex H was a nob head. His nob-headedness is no longer my problem. My children are quite happy that I no longer live with that nob head.
Any nob head who tells you to stay with a nob head, can be safely ignored.

You are NOT a nob head.
Life is a lot better after you have got rid of a nob head.

When I read your OP, the resonating thought was that his threatened suicide sounds like a decent scenario for you.
That's bloody sad really, isn't it?

Please leave the nob head.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 01:33:19

he's threatening to kill himself unless I give it to him

Keep refusing then!

He is a cocklodger
He doesn't contribute financially
He doesn't look after his own child while you work
He doesn't do anything around the house
He treats you like shit
He's living in the 1950's
He's abusive (emotionally)

What exactly is it that you can't do (easier) on your own???

It will be a walk in the park bringing up your kids on your own compared to living with this man-child-leech.

ChippingInIsEggceptional Fri 29-Mar-13 01:35:45

I like your Dad smile I'm surprised he hasn't already done this without your say so mind you!

imaginethat Fri 29-Mar-13 04:27:01

Wow you must have zero self esteem to put up with this crap.

You will be infinitely better off without him.

Please let your dad remove him and transfer your energy to building your confidence. Overweight and ugly indeed. You are a much loved mum and daughter, and obviously you are an excellent worker. What you need is to look after yourself better which can do once you are rid of that resident waste of space.

NeedlesCuties Fri 29-Mar-13 08:23:33

Get him out, then when he goes RUN FOR THE HILLS.

He brings nothing to your life apart from grief, and that isn't good for you or the DC.

I second all the advice given here - get your dad round and change the locks.

You're very wise to have the house in your name.

Ruprekt Fri 29-Mar-13 08:33:31

Come on Paris...... Don't be like those posters who come on and moan, look at the advice and then keep putting up with all the crap.

He is of NO use to you at all.

You can raise these children alone with the help of your family.

He is sucking the life out of you and you are only 25!!

You will be so much better off without him and richer too.

Shame on him for not being able to support his family. I could not respect such a man.

Pack a bag for him now and say he can collect the rest of his stuff next week.

Kick him out.

Do it NOW!!smile

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