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how often do you have sex?

(12 Posts)
therewearethen Thu 28-Mar-13 08:28:27

Just that, on average how often if your in a long term relationship

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 08:31:40

You realise you're going to get answers ranging from 'never' to 'thrice daily'... and all will be irrelevant? There is no right answer. What's more important than PIV sex per se is that you and your long term partner are affectionate & loving with each other in a way and of a frequency that satisfies both of you.

jasmineramsden Thu 28-Mar-13 08:49:24

Cogito has it in a nutshell!

therewearethen Thu 28-Mar-13 08:55:43

yep know your right, and no I'm not satisfied or happy sad in fact I feel fat, ugly and rejected sad

TisILeclerc Thu 28-Mar-13 09:00:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 09:37:11

Also sorry you feel the way you do. Being rejected is never a good thing.

therewearethen Thu 28-Mar-13 11:18:55

Tbh it's been an ongoing theme for years now, every few months though it really gets to me. I have pretty low self esteem/confidence but being rejected would make anyone feel like shit I'm sure!

Everything else is fine, or at least I think it is. We tend to do the same thing week in week out which bores me but we don't have anyone who can babysit the kids for us to go and do the things we did pre children.

The only other thing that bugs me is DP plays stupid army games on his phone morning, noon and night instead of talking to me sad

ComeOnBeANoOne Thu 28-Mar-13 11:33:16

Hi. Sorry you're feeling that way OP. This happened with me and my XP over the course of a year and a bit. We'd have sporadic weeks maybe of rekindling our love life but she would then reject me for months sometimes, the affection stopped on her part (kisses, I love you's, hugs etc), all the other little things that keep people close. I was always to scared to address it then a couple of weeks ago she ended our marriage for a few reasons which had been affecting her for a while.

I'm not trying to scaremonger, but she'd had underlying reasons for not being affectionate for a while - and would also sit watching telly on laptop/playing Sims instead of talking to me. What I would suggest is having a gentle talk about your feelings with DP. Try and find out if he has anything that he needs to get off his chest so that you both know how to work on your relationship.

it will be an uncomfortable chat, but it's best to know these things now rather than regret never addressing it once it's too late. Hope you feel better soon x

CogitoErgoSometimes Thu 28-Mar-13 11:50:50

It's clear your confidence is affected. A confident person would tell him to put down the stupid army games, stop being rude, stop ignoring you and demand a bit of TLC. And that's what I suggest you do. Tell him straight that you find him boring, unaffectionate and you need more out of the relationship or what's the point?....

Courage.

therewearethen Thu 28-Mar-13 23:03:01

I'm sorry for whinging just needed to vent! I'm useless at talking, we both are so I don't even know where to start! it's not like I haven't mentioned it before I have but nothing changes. I really wouldn't blame him if he didn't fancy me anymore, I'm not wot I was but just wish he'd be honest with me, the oh I'm tired excuse just doesn't wash anymore. sorry if I'm rambling

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 29-Mar-13 12:43:52

Sounds like you need to work the whole 'useless at talking' thing because it's stopping you from expressing what desperately needs to be said. 'Mentioning' sounds rather feeble & obviously isn't getting to the root of the matter. Neither is being hard on yourself and thinking you're unattractive. You may not be 'wot (sic) I was' but I'm guessing he's no Brad Pitt... confused

Somehow you have to find the courage and motivation to say 'I'm not happy with the way things are. I'm not happy being ignored. I'm not happy that you prefer some game on a phone to me'... really mean it and, rather than blaming yourself, demand to be taken seriously. Otherwise, you're destined to feel frustrated, unhappy and rejected for the rest of your natural.

Floralnomad Fri 29-Mar-13 12:52:16

It sounds like you need to work on your self esteem , perhaps you could get some counselling ? Don't wait for your husband to revitalise your life ,do it for yourself - lose weight ,get a new hair cut ,take up some hobby . I know its not easy but you can do it .

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