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TOTGA (or, choco gets a life!)

(219 Posts)
chocoreturns Wed 27-Mar-13 19:49:26

well, it would be rude not to, wouldn't it?

This will be the least interesting thread opener in the history of mumsnet to anyone who hasn't seen my earlier threads, for which I apologise. I've managed to fall off the end of another one though, so here I am. For the tiny minority of you who actually care and know what TOTGA is, I promise that if and when there is anything to report, it will be posted here first.

In the meantime, anyone want to start a general stitch and bitch to while away the time?

chezziejo Wed 01-May-13 11:43:09

Just off to work now but hoping coffee goes well today Choco.

skyebluesapphire Wed 01-May-13 11:58:11

Hiya! Another one adding that I hope the coffee and chat goes well today and that you can salvage something from it.

chocoreturns Wed 01-May-13 14:51:46

he cancelled...


it's not looking good!

chocoreturns Wed 01-May-13 14:52:09

thank you for all the good luck wishes though x sad

getthegirladrink Wed 01-May-13 15:03:33

Is it too early to offer you wine?

themidwife Wed 01-May-13 15:08:38

Oh fuck him honey! His stuff is more important than yours obviously!

Onwards & upwards with more deserving men!!

chocoreturns Wed 01-May-13 15:59:10


I am ok, I have far too much on with work right now to worry about it. What will be will be etc. I'm going to do something really nice for myself this week and just be positive. Might go and get my nails done or something smile

Here's to finding the one who makes me a priority! <goes off to write cosmic order immediately>

skyebluesapphire Wed 01-May-13 16:02:54

sod him then. who needs a friend like that anyway?!

BerylStreep Wed 01-May-13 16:03:10

Oh dear.

AgathaF Wed 01-May-13 16:56:08

That's a shame, but if his life is so complicated and unstable at the moment, then it's probably not the right time for you anyway.

Glad you're ok.

saffronwblue Thu 02-May-13 03:35:53

You know, I don't think he is the one that got away, I think he is the one who does not have enough to give you.

chocoreturns Thu 02-May-13 08:31:35

I think you're right saffron the longer it goes between what happened and him not being in touch, the more I am realising that the idea of being with him may have been better than anything reality could offer. Yesterday I went out with a really lovely friend for lunch for her birthday, and we talked about the book - feel the fear and do it anyway, we were talking about taking charge of our lives really. I have been thinking about what that means wrt men, and I know that for my own sake I need to be willing to say no, that's not good enough, to any guy who doesn't respect me enough. It's not that they will all be bastards (and I still don't think TOTGA is, really) but that's not the point. If I don't raise the bar, even the reasonable guys will walk all over me. So I am raising it, and I am going to trust that someone awesome will be around the corner! I'm definitely not going to meet anyone awesome if I give all my attention to people who have nothing to give back though, am I?

Today DS1 has a trial at a preschool, we're getting ready to go and visit... I am so glad my life is extremely busy, it gives me next to no time to wallow! I would very much like a house elf to come and give me a hand... failing that, is chocolate an acceptable breakfast? grin

AgathaF Thu 02-May-13 09:08:52

Chocolate makes an excellent occasional breakfast grin.

Enjoy your day.

DoingItForMyself Thu 02-May-13 14:48:44

Choco, I agree that the idea of TOTGA was probably more appealing than the reality - it seemed so simple, tying up loose ends, resolving something left unfinished, not having to go through the hassle (and embarrassment!) of dating new unsuitable men etc.

Whereas the reality is that he is now someone with a huge amount of newly acquired baggage, which he had no qualms about dumping on you, who took what was on offer and then didn't have the decency to realise how much that changed things for you.

I'm not saying that he would never have been right for you, but not right now. The worry is that you will move on, meet someone new and he will get his shit together and come crawling back in a year's time, just as you have put him firmly out of your mind!

Let's hope that by then you will be so awesomely successful in your business and so happy in your personal life that you will see him for what he is, not what you always dreamed he would be.

chezziejo Thu 02-May-13 21:43:52

Awww no sad did he give any decent reason as to why he cancelled? Just trying to really generous and give him benefit if doubt but its wearing a bit thin for you I know.
Did you keep in touch with the other nice guy? Gawd I'm a nosy cow arnt I . I'm am notoriously shit at advice but would it be worth putting everything into an email and actually spelling it out to him how it's made you feel. I know he's got a lot on but it might be the swift kick up the arse that bucks his ideas up. I know that you know him well but men sometimes are bloody oblivious to the obvious.

laffaminute Fri 03-May-13 06:12:56


SO pleased to read your last post. You've thought things through. That's the right attitude.

Hope you had a lovely breakfast grin

chezziejo Sun 12-May-13 21:42:35

Hi Choco how's things?

BerylStreep Tue 14-May-13 21:14:02

Yeah Choco, how's it going?

BerylStreep Wed 29-May-13 16:59:22

Hey everyone, this thread has gone very quiet. Choco, am I right in thinking that the baby is very nearly 1 year old? Where has the time gone?

Anyway, my beautiful Burmese kitten has gone missing - the nail varnish smashing one, so I am a bit worried about her. She didn't come in last night, wasn't around at breakfast, and still hasn't turned up.

Hope everyone is well.

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