Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Help with a friend who lives in Scotland

(19 Posts)
sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 16:54:39

I am sorry I don't post very much these days - I am doing more in real life support.

Anyway, I have an on-line friend who has experienced 30 years of abuse (EA, PA, DV). She has finally spoken to me about it by phone this afternoon. She wants to end her life - but I have asked her to stay strong until I phone again tomorrow (obviously when Husband is out of the house)

No children at home.

Only assets are the house - husband has lost his £80,000 retirement pension in a failed business.

Scotish law is different, so is there anything I need to know to advise her particularly?

Is there a WA in Scotland.

I can go and collect her and she can come to me in the NW of England - both of her dogs would be welcome to stay with me also.

Can anyone in Scotland tell me what I should be advising her about the house (she is equal owner).

OldLadyKnowsNothing Wed 27-Mar-13 16:57:09

Yes, we have WA in Scotland. And after such a long marriage, your friend will be entitled to 50% of marital assets.

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:28:04

Can you give me a link please?

I am happy to take her 2 dogs (and I will drive from NW UK to Scotland to get them)

My friend is threatening to 'end it all' at the moment.

I have asked her to give me 24 hours to give her a way forward.

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:34:11

I have cats here from WA, and a puppy! But I think I can manage 2 more older dogs.

My own dog doesn't appear phased now!

Sometimes women won't leave abusive relationships because they can't see a way for them to take their animals.

I now have good contacts in North Yorkshire for cats and Surrey (dogs or cats) who will take animals for WA (or for me personally when I am supporting an abusive survivor). Does anyone have a safe space in Scotland that will take 2 dogs?

If not, I'll take on all 3

tribpot Wed 27-Mar-13 17:35:41

Can she leave the house today or is she afraid he will take it out on the animals if she doesn't get them away with her?

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:36:31

I have just thought of another NE contact (Durham) .... I'll get in touvh with them.

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:41:04

tripot

She is simply breaking down in tears - 30 years of emotional, physical and financial abuse. She is terrified.

I havetold her she can be strong because now I am on her team (what else could I say?)

She can't leave the animals because he abuses them to make her feel bad.

Can I assure you all, I will take in this on-line friend in a heart-beat. I will include her 2 dogs because I don't want her to be separated from them.

The house is the only asset they have left.

Now, what I have said to her is that her safety (and the safety of the dogs) is the main concern. We can deal with the house after she is safe.

I think that is the correct advice.

Mum2Fergus Wed 27-Mar-13 17:43:04

Where in Scotland is she?

HotCrossPun Wed 27-Mar-13 17:46:14

You sound like a good friend Sadwidow28 I hope it works out and she can finally get free of him.

tribpot Wed 27-Mar-13 17:48:33

Understood, sadwidow. I think she would find it impossible to leave without the animals. I just hope she can hang on until someone can get her to a place of safety.

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 17:58:58

She is South Lanarkshire (I have her true postode address so could get her quickly)

Can anyone tell me if there is WA support for he in Lanarkshire?

Truly, I'll take both dogs until she is re-settled- they won't be a problem

somethingwillturnup Wed 27-Mar-13 18:00:41

Iirc, WA will find somewhere for pets to go - they won't take them in a refuge (sharing) but if she is given her own flat (don't know if they will if there are no children) there wouldn't be a problem. She can phone and ask, or make an appointment to go and see someone.

I know for a fact there is a WA office in Edinburgh and Dundee, so I would assume most cities or big towns have one. It's scary, but the best thing to do is phone them.

acrabadabra Wed 27-Mar-13 18:00:44

Where is she in Scotland? If I can help, I am central Scotland.

acrabadabra Wed 27-Mar-13 18:01:59

There is WA in west lothian too.

somethingwillturnup Wed 27-Mar-13 18:02:22

www.wasl.org.uk/contact.html

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:37:46

I have spoken to WA East Kilbride.

Thank you to everyone who pointed me in the right direction.

They can take my friend into a safe place within 24 hours (as long as the dogs don't come) so I have commited to taking her two dogs for her.

Apparently, lots of women don't leave abusive relationships because they won't leave their animals (family pets) behind. I do understand that.

Let's get my friend sorted and then we will start sorting out emergency links for Animals.

(Sorry - that sounded really bossy!)

sadwidow28 Wed 27-Mar-13 18:50:29

abracadra - we might need you to walk her out of her home.

My Friend will be able to start a new life without her husband. It is something that CAN be learned after 30 years of abuse.

I'll drive from NW and collect the dogs and keep them safe.

WA can't deal with animals. The 2 dogs will have fun with me... I walk my elderly Border Collie 4 miles a day. If the 'new' dogs don't listen to my voice, my Border Collie will 'yap' in a certain way and the newbies will be brough back into the fold.

I expect all dogs under my care to understand basic makaton.

My Fiend's dogs will follow Makaton like good 'uns if they come for a little holiday.

acrabadabra Wed 27-Mar-13 19:51:26

Got both dcs tomorrow but, as long as her h is not around, could help get her to WA. Am child free for a couple of hours on Friday afternoon.

acrabadabra Wed 27-Mar-13 19:54:30

I'm a good hour from EK. Closer to H.

Hope someone closer posts but if not I would hate to think of her stuck there for any longer now she's willing to get out.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now