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how to have more patience with dm

(8 Posts)
losenotloose Wed 27-Mar-13 14:57:22

My dm irritates me massively. She's very opinionated, judgemental but thinks she's not, has to be center of attention and more. I know all this but still allow myself to get pissed off and angry after seeing her.

Poor dh has to put up with me ranting and raving after seeing her. He agrees with me, but how can I be more tolerant? It doesn't help me to get like this, but I find it so hard to turn a blind eye.

Rant over!

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Mar-13 15:15:11

I alternate between telling mine to stop being so ridiculous and treating her like the proverbial 'nutter on the bus'.

losenotloose Wed 27-Mar-13 15:23:39

I hate feeling like it, just want to have more respect for her, but she makes it impossible. Surely by me caring, I'm being just as judgmental as her?

RiffyWammal Wed 27-Mar-13 15:27:18

Are you me? shock

I have exactly this problem too. I cannot tolerate her intolerance if that makes sense! Mine appears to live in a bunker wallpapered with pages from the Daily Mail, reading Jeremy Clarkson books and listening to Nick Ferrari.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Mar-13 15:45:59

I don't worry about respect so much. I think she's a nutter and she thinks I'm still a little kid that's not to be taken seriously. I'd say we were square, really. smile

oldwomaninashoe Wed 27-Mar-13 15:55:26

You don't need patience just the ability to switch off to her rantings when she is going onand just make suitable noises in reponse ie "you don't say" "Really" "well, well" "hmmm" .....you get the drift.
Try not to be affected by what she is saying, if she asks you questions directly just screw your face up and say "Now there's a question" or "I need to think about that" Once you can switch off and detach yourself she won't bother you so much and if she sees her behaviour is having less effect she might tone it down.
I have a close relative like this and believe me its worked with her

losenotloose Wed 27-Mar-13 17:24:52

Will try to detach. My dm is an old hippy, believes in a lot of airy fairy ideas eg people starving in poorer countries probably did something bad in a former life, cosmic ordering and other such nonsense. It's up to her what she believes, but inevitably she rams this crap down my throat! I'm open minded, but I find myself disagreeing because she's so gullible/naive.

I do love her and go to her for advice when struggling, but she's hard work.

losenotloose Wed 27-Mar-13 17:26:22

Just feel sad that I basically think she's a deluded idiot and she's my mum!

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