Long backstory and toxic family. But the short version is that my mum has invited DD1 (4) round for dinner on Easter monday. But DP, me and DD2 (5months) are not invited because "There isnt enough room at the table."
Now, my aunt and her husband and their 3 kids are going and my brother and his gf will be there (bro still lives at home.) so yes, technically there is no room at the 6 seater table. But thats not why we arent invited.
We arent invited because I chose to stand up for myself and vocalise my displeasure at various shitty treatments of me by all the people who will be there. Also, there was a lot of backstabbing done about DP by my aunt when we first got together (how embarrassing for her to now have to sit with him eh!!) and I dont speak to my brother at all.
My problem is that I feel that it is wrong to invite DD1 alone. To me its rude. Its also very confusing for her. DD2 is technically her half sister so DD1 already has time with her dad on her own. I feel my mum is undermining our family unit and the two DDs relationship.
Not only that but I was told that DD1 was going, not asked. When I said we might have plans I was told that DD1 could go anyway. Presumably my mother thinks that now DD2 is here I no longer want to spend any time with DD1 or include her in this family. However, as DP pointed out, this IS her family and DD1 will never feel like it is if shes going to things on her own all the time.
So how do I tell my mum that DD1 is not going without causing ww3? DP says I should lie and say we have plans but I feel that my mum needs to hear the real reasons so she knows I wont stand for this in the future. Am I a fool?
Awful of your mother to try such divisive bs within your own family unit and am glad you see this for what it really is. This is all about power and control and also typical of what such dysfunctional families do.
Your mother doesn't like you anyway because you've stood up to the mad toxic behaviours in your family. Also your brother sounds totally enabled by her.
Your mother is not going to be at all reasonable here however you respond. Say no to her unreasonable request and make it your future aim to cut them all off. Honestly, these people will bring and do bring nothing positive into your lives.
If you've never read Toxic Parents written by Susan Forward I would suggest you do so as well as posting on the "well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these pages.
Good luck and stand firm in the face of your toxic mother.
Congratulations, EostreGoddess (love the name, by the way!)
I know it's easier said than done, but the sooner you stop taking this abuse personally and worrying about "starting WWIII", the happier you'll all be.
Yes, all - you're doing your DCs the biggest favour in keeping them away from toxic, abusive family members; your DCs don't need to learn that the way your mum, et al, treat people is "normal" or "right".
Stay strong, and keep us posted! And have a lovely weekend in your new Folkvang!
You all in the house together having some lunch and sharing an easter egg is plans. You don't have to do anything else. That's family time. Dint bother with these people. Have a lovely holiday with your lovely unit.
Well, of course she is, how dare you present a united family front, when nothing is as important as this old bat's efforts to Divide & Conquer?
Juuussst kidding. As thousands of mumsnetters will attest...
<wishing there was ginormo font-icon>
BTW, hope I didn't sound too scold-y last post. But from what you've described, you know how bad the situation is, yet you're still worried about starting WWIII. Gotta get rid of that worry. Indeed, embrace WWIII - it's probably the only thing that has a chance of getting through to these people.