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the ups and downs of a relationship when you have a toddler from a previous R'...

(21 Posts)
TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:04:51

Me & DS have both been ill for almost a fortnight, coupled with stress over studying & money issues.

It's got to the point where I just cba for now.

Things are great in that area but I'm exhausted & feel very thinly spread!

I'm not being a selfish bitch am I?

I'm so tired I can't quite tell so was hoping for some rational answers from less-tired others hmm


TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:05:46

(When I say cba, I mean that I want a few days to we don't live together and end up staying up late when he does come over & it's just a bit much atm)

EggyFucker Wed 27-Mar-13 10:07:19

A decent person would understand you need some time to yourself to recharge your batteries, yes?

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:11:45

That's what I think.

He seems ok with it, but I don't think he quite understands how exhausted I am. I said I couldn't do tonight but haven't mentioned the rest of the week. He's talking about thursday instead but I'm so tired I think I won't feel any better until DS's dad's had hi overnight on Saturday & I can just sleep without being woken once!!

In his defense he's not had kids so has no idea what it feels like to have your sleep broken up. Most parents I know would rather have 4hrs solid sleep than 8hrs all broken up by a grumbling DC smile

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:12:15

*has him

hmm bloody phone

prettywhiteguitar Wed 27-Mar-13 10:14:25

When I met my Dp I had a 11/2 year old and he had to pick up very quickly how life is with a toddler, he was really understanding and we are still together 4 years on. He should understand and indeed help you out

EggyFucker Wed 27-Mar-13 10:14:46

If he doesn't understand, then he's going to have to learn

prettywhiteguitar Wed 27-Mar-13 10:15:16

Just explain to him

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:24:40

^ he's learning pretty quickly tbh...I'm quite tough about it & normally have the 'this is how it is, take it or leave it' attitude towards the whole thing but I'm just so tired that I'm unsure of myself & if I'd be harsh to say let's just leave it til the weekend (we normally see each other quite a bit as he lives very close by).

He is very good with it most of the time & helps out without me really asking (he often insists on it if I'm knackered). I'm just so tired I don't want to see anyone in the evenings this week. Pretty much braindead once he's in bed.

I know it'll pass pretty soon but I needed to hear some sense from others who've navigated the same kind of water!

EggyFucker Wed 27-Mar-13 10:27:46

I haven't navigated this water, so feel free to ignore me smile

I have a clear head though....

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:32:48

^ You still talk sense though so I'm glad for the advice all the same smile

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:34:29

Plus, tiredness affects traditional couples badly too sometimes, or so I would've thought!

Owllady Wed 27-Mar-13 10:41:05

I don't think people understand anyway unless they have experience, to be fair to him. Obviously he will have to get used to it smile

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 10:45:16

I know he can't help not knowing quite what it's like. I didn't have a clue before I had DS, despite watching friends go through it. It feels worse than it looks I think...though I'm not normally this badly knocked by it. It's only because DS has had 2 colds in succession & now we both have a tummy bug that I feel so bad.

As long as I'm not being ott by keeping to myself til the weekend!

suburbophobe Wed 27-Mar-13 10:51:20

Of course you're not being ott!

Take the rest you need and then you can bounce back again.

It's not like the weather out there is making you want to jump and dance outside.....

I'd be taking to my bed too.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 11:03:57

It's not jump for joy weather, that's for sure!

I don't have a car atm either so it's not the funnest walk into town when it's like this.

Will take DS for a walk around our area so we both get some fresh air later but no more than that!

I am a bit too stubborn normally when it comes to illness & it takes a lot for me to get to this point but it's been a very unlucky month. I feel bad for my poor DS, as he's too young to know what's going on besides that he can't eat much & his nose is annoying him...

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 11:57:16

Juggling all these things does get easier doesn't it?

Owllady Wed 27-Mar-13 12:02:07

um, no not really grin

I think being ill when you have no-one else or no family support in place to help you IS hard, so please be kind to yourself.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 12:09:10

I have a close relationship with my mum but she works ft (and was a single mum herself) so I very rarely ask.

His dad has him overnight for one night every other weekend which is what's keeping me together this week! I'm clinging on til saturday grin

Walkacrossthesand Wed 27-Mar-13 12:10:13

Could the boyfriend not ease your load this week, eg by coming over, cooking tea, help put DS to bed, run you a nice bath, then go home?! Sounds like it's the sitting up late chatting that would exhaust you, but you deserve a bit of TLC this week.

TheOrchardKeeper Wed 27-Mar-13 12:17:13

He works shop-hours in town so doesn't finish till after DS's bed time (7)

He always insists on settling him if he wakes up while he's over though.
He's not the greatest cook...

The thing that's killing me is having a house that looks like a pig's stye but not being able to blitz it because I have no energy. Just done the basics. It's hard to explain that to him as toddlers make more mess than you'd think & it's hard running a house on your own, looking after an ill DC alone (when you're ill too) & seeing him in the evening would finish me off!

Scuse the rant hmm

Not feeling my greatest grin

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