Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Leaving husband

(8 Posts)
figray Wed 27-Mar-13 03:11:41

After 20 years of marriage I really have reached the end of the road. I just am completely at a loss what to do, I have no money or any family to go to and am not working at the moment due to a lot of health problems. I only have my mum who is 80 and lives in sheltered housing.
I won't go in to details about what is wrong in the marriage but basically everything is and he is not a person you can talk to, he just refuses. He won't leave, so it is up to me.
Our children are late teens, one at uni, one still at home but they know what has been going on so it wouldn't be a shock to them. Things have been bad for at least the past 6 years.
I just don't know what to do.

hufflepup Wed 27-Mar-13 03:25:27

Hi Figray,

It sounds like you're being really brave. I'm so sorry you're going through this but well done on having the strength to do this. Sending you love until someone more useful comes along!

Lueji Wed 27-Mar-13 03:38:33

On practical terms, check with cab and talk with a solicitor. You may find that you can kick him out.

Women's Aid is likely to help too, particularly if he is that bad. Give them a ring.

ClaudiaSchiffer Wed 27-Mar-13 03:59:36

Gosh fig you sound really at the end of your tether. Do you have a plan of where to go? I think you need to get legal advice asap before you make any move out of the home. Unless he's dangerous and it's dangerous for you to stay I would spend a few days planning what to do, ie how to access money, where to go (or how to get him to leave).

It sounds like an enormously stressful time, do you have friends you can talk to? It sounds like you're going to need some support - whatever you decide to do.

Good luck.

Longdistance Wed 27-Mar-13 04:50:14

I second legal advice ASAP, and speaking to CAB.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Mar-13 05:19:08

I'd second the idea to get legal advice. You can use CAB or you can find a solicitor in your area that specialises in Family Law through the Law Society website. Some will offer a free initial consultation during which you can find out quite a lot.

If there is any aggression or abuse involved in the relationship you could call Womens Aid for advice. They have quite a lot of practical information.

Do you own your home or rent?

figray Wed 27-Mar-13 08:46:35

We are renting the house, we did own one but had to sell after he remortgaged and then lost the money on business ideas that didn't work.
We have also been in debt due to the fact he hasn't worked for years, the businesses were an excuse to do nothing and never made any money.
The problem is being able to afford to move to somewhere on my own, you can't get anywhere to rent if you're not working and have bad credit history.
I know I should have done something years ago but have been ill for a long time.

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 27-Mar-13 09:04:40

"you can't get anywhere to rent if you're not working and have bad credit history."

There is such a thing as emergency accommodation for people in your situation. Talk to your local housing authority about your circumstances, including your illness, and see what they suggest.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now