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Friends with benefits?

(20 Posts)
ConfuzzledMummy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:10:09

Hi ladies,
Just wondered what your opinions on this were, both parties single just meeting up for casual sex whenever, no one else involved. Is this a really undignified thing to do or is it a single woman's right to act like a lot of men do?

whataguy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:12:19

of course you have a right confused, it's just a matter of whether it suits you personally! I couldn't do it as I get emotional about those I like in bed.

overmydeadbody Tue 26-Mar-13 14:15:30

Nothing wrong with it if both parties are happy with the arrangenment and neither actually wants morE.

Nothing undignified about it at all, what's wrong with having (safe) sex with someone else if no one gets hurt?

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:17:26

Well I normally have this problem but with this guy I don't really think of him like that he's not even my type really, I just want to wake up next to someone once in a while, I don't do it with different men every week, I think that would be a bit wrong!

meditrina Tue 26-Mar-13 14:18:21

If you like no strings sex and have found a friendly person to do it with, it sounds fine.

It's not for me, but fine for those who want to (as long as they're not doing it in the street etc)

Freddiemisagreatshag Tue 26-Mar-13 14:19:42

I've done it.

It started out great. Then he wanted more.

I'd say go for it but be careful you don't get emotionally entangled.

Although how you could do it with someone you don't fancy is a bit beyond me.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 26-Mar-13 14:24:00

Nothing undignified or wrong with it at all, but like the PP you have to be very clear - with yourself as much as the other person - that it's just a casual thing. Amazing how quickly someone who is 'not your type' starts to look like a prospect otherwise!

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:25:33

I think I do fancy him, just not in the way I normally fancy someone. I don't look at him and go wow, just sort of yes your not bad! That sounds awful but he's a nice enough lad!

LemonPeculiarJones Tue 26-Mar-13 14:27:21

If waking up next to someone is what you crave and miss, it may be that actually you want real intimacy and not just an occasional shag?

overmydeadbody Tue 26-Mar-13 14:37:55

If it's just a friend with benefits you are not likely to wake up next to him, and certainly shouldn't be looking for that with someone who you just have sex with.

IN fact, I would advise against sleeping together if you don't want a relationship or to develop emotions, just hae the sex and then send him home or go home yourself (depending on who's bed you are in).

Whothefuckis Tue 26-Mar-13 14:39:32

I agree with Lemmon is it sex you want or the affection that comes with it?

RalphGnu Tue 26-Mar-13 14:42:23

If both of you want just a casual thing then it's perfectly fine; it's up to you what you do in your life. I have some happy memories of my own (fans self)

BUT if it goes on for a while then it's possible that one of may start wanting more emotional involvement and this can lead to a lot of heartache.

It's interesting that you say you want to wake up to someone now and again; to me that sounds like you're maybe a bit lonely at times and enjoy the company, having a giggle etc and the sex is a bonus?

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 26-Mar-13 14:56:34

I think at the moment I can't be arsed with the mind games that comes with trying to work men out at the very early stages of a relationship! Sometimes he does stay over but he has to leave at like half 7 for work. I understand what people are saying about getting emotionally involved, I suppose I have to ask myself how I would feel if he did get with someone and ends it with us.

PinkBottleGreenBottle Tue 26-Mar-13 14:59:41

That sounds like companionship/intimacy that you're after, not sex. I've only (when single) shagged a friend that I fancied the pants off but wasn't my type for a relationship. That worked out fine, as both of us were in it for the same simple reason. In your case, it's the other way round, and could get messy.

RalphGnu Tue 26-Mar-13 15:01:44

That's the thing isn't it? Looking back at my situation now I can see I was kidding myself thinking I didn't want more and I knew at the time I was likely to get hurt because it was obvious he was just in it for the sex...but oh my god, the sex... grin

It was when I started getting narked off about him not being with me when I woke up that I knew it was the right time to end it.

ConfuzzledMummy Tue 26-Mar-13 15:18:31

Maybe I should think about this a bit more hmm

Pollaidh Tue 26-Mar-13 18:14:26

It's fine, as long as you're clear what you want.

I've had that kind of arrangement with 2 different guys (different times!). The first I made clear it was just casual for me. We were friends but I knew I would never want to date him (rather a bastard with his girlfriends). He was pretty good in bed. I suspect he wasn't used to being the one on the unsure footing in a relationship, and it never occurred to me that he might be interested in more, still not sure - suspect it was his ego that got hurt really. Ended badly.

The other was much more successful and I'd happily do it (him) again if I wasn't married to a lovely man. Started as friends, then a (short term) boyfriend. Went straight from couple back to best friends and have continued like that for many years, with occasional flirting and shagging when both single. Never formalised, never really discussed much, which could have been a bit dangerous. I think we both liked the chase and flirting but both knew a LT relationship would be a disaster. I do find him attractive, and have had to look closely at my motives and feelings from time to time, but I'm sure - would not want to bring up a family or live with him, would be a disaster!

ScentedNappyHag Tue 26-Mar-13 18:26:30

I had a friend with benefits once.
We ended up married grin
But yes, of course women should have the right to sleep with who they choose, when they choose, and for whatever reason they choose.

defineme Tue 26-Mar-13 18:32:18

I think it's fine if both people are clear, but I've never seen one when it's on an equal footing:somebody always wants more. Tbh I'd also suspect people's motives, ie is it really just about having fun or is it because they've got issues and are fucked up in some way?

BMW6 Tue 26-Mar-13 21:06:59

I am married to my mine! grin Really was FWB to start with & didn;t forsee where we have ended up!

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