Hi ladies, Just wondered what your opinions on this were, both parties single just meeting up for casual sex whenever, no one else involved. Is this a really undignified thing to do or is it a single woman's right to act like a lot of men do?
Well I normally have this problem but with this guy I don't really think of him like that he's not even my type really, I just want to wake up next to someone once in a while, I don't do it with different men every week, I think that would be a bit wrong!
Nothing undignified or wrong with it at all, but like the PP you have to be very clear - with yourself as much as the other person - that it's just a casual thing. Amazing how quickly someone who is 'not your type' starts to look like a prospect otherwise!
If it's just a friend with benefits you are not likely to wake up next to him, and certainly shouldn't be looking for that with someone who you just have sex with.
IN fact, I would advise against sleeping together if you don't want a relationship or to develop emotions, just hae the sex and then send him home or go home yourself (depending on who's bed you are in).
I think at the moment I can't be arsed with the mind games that comes with trying to work men out at the very early stages of a relationship! Sometimes he does stay over but he has to leave at like half 7 for work. I understand what people are saying about getting emotionally involved, I suppose I have to ask myself how I would feel if he did get with someone and ends it with us.
That sounds like companionship/intimacy that you're after, not sex. I've only (when single) shagged a friend that I fancied the pants off but wasn't my type for a relationship. That worked out fine, as both of us were in it for the same simple reason. In your case, it's the other way round, and could get messy.
That's the thing isn't it? Looking back at my situation now I can see I was kidding myself thinking I didn't want more and I knew at the time I was likely to get hurt because it was obvious he was just in it for the sex...but oh my god, the sex...
It was when I started getting narked off about him not being with me when I woke up that I knew it was the right time to end it.
I've had that kind of arrangement with 2 different guys (different times!). The first I made clear it was just casual for me. We were friends but I knew I would never want to date him (rather a bastard with his girlfriends). He was pretty good in bed. I suspect he wasn't used to being the one on the unsure footing in a relationship, and it never occurred to me that he might be interested in more, still not sure - suspect it was his ego that got hurt really. Ended badly.
The other was much more successful and I'd happily do it (him) again if I wasn't married to a lovely man. Started as friends, then a (short term) boyfriend. Went straight from couple back to best friends and have continued like that for many years, with occasional flirting and shagging when both single. Never formalised, never really discussed much, which could have been a bit dangerous. I think we both liked the chase and flirting but both knew a LT relationship would be a disaster. I do find him attractive, and have had to look closely at my motives and feelings from time to time, but I'm sure - would not want to bring up a family or live with him, would be a disaster!
I think it's fine if both people are clear, but I've never seen one when it's on an equal footing:somebody always wants more. Tbh I'd also suspect people's motives, ie is it really just about having fun or is it because they've got issues and are fucked up in some way?