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Lovely DP/DHs who weren't your 'type' initially..

(29 Posts)
tiptop2 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:36:50

I've just started dating a guy who I met online who wouldn't normally be my type at all, a couple of inches shorter than me, different backgrounds and upbringing, he's divorced with 2 kids, I've never been married, no kids....but we have so much in common, make each other laugh loads and think we have similar values etc which are important to me.

I just keeping thinking he's not my type, he's not my type...this can never work! But I think it might have a chance. Just wanted to hear nice stories about meeting your DH/DP who wasn't what you had in mind for who you'd end up with but turned out to be the love of your life!

Nellymay Tue 26-Mar-13 11:51:13

My oh and i met online too and initially i thought he wasn't my type - he lived in the same house in a village for 25 years i'd lived in london and moved around a lot, our politics are different we read different newspapers, he is quite shy and unassuming and i'd previously gone for men who were a bit larger than life or characters in some way, he'd got children, i hadn't (although i'd wanted them) His looks weren't "my type" But there was something about him that i was drawn to and BANG! we hit it off! Our values, upbringing outlook on life were very similar. We got together and got married in 2006 - we are very happy. We still read different newspapers, and we argue about politics - but when it comes down to it these differences don't matter it the values beliefs attitude to life etc that count - and that elusive chemistry.
My advice Tiptop is follow your instincts. I've learnt that what i thought i wanted in a man didn't necessarily make me happy and what i have now is something completely different to that.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 26-Mar-13 11:55:53

If I had drawn up a profile of the man I thought would be my ideal mate I don't think DH would have matched it. In spite of that, here we are married for over 20 years, 2 DCs - still polar opposites in some things but we seem to work together.

LunaticFringe Tue 26-Mar-13 11:57:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 26-Mar-13 11:58:22

Just re-read that and it sounds lacklustre! We laugh a lot!! And we trust each other.

idlevice Tue 26-Mar-13 12:07:37

I was a goth, DP an indie kid - back when the tribes didn't crossover much. He indoctrinated me very reluctantly into Pulp. I liked them but couldn't admit it for absolutely ages. We've been together 15yrs.

Jojobump1986 Tue 26-Mar-13 12:12:03

The first time I met DH he was just the weird, awkward friend of the guy I was interested in. I paid no attention to him at all & was really surprised to be told by another mutual friend that he liked me! I actually had to be persuaded to give him a chance! I really wasn't all that interested in him but didn't have any other offers so I thought I might as well...! He may not have been exactly what I thought I wanted but over the nearly 8 years we've been together he's proven repeatedly that he's exactly what I need! smile

turkeyboots Tue 26-Mar-13 12:28:17

Snap idlevice , same here. He was (and still is) so not my type.

DH had spent his whole childhood in one house, Im am expat and never spent longer than 3 years anywhere. But our basic world views are the same, same ish priorities and have always had a good time together. So it works.

flurp Tue 26-Mar-13 12:35:26

When I met DP I thought he was too nice for me and I would be bored within a few months. My best friend talked me into going on a date with him and I was convinced he wasn't my type!
But 4 years on and I'm crazy about him. He's not at all boring, the chemistry is still there and he makes me laugh like nobody ever has.
I wish I had met him 20 years ago, although maybe back then I would have got bored as I always loved bastards excitement!

AKissIsNotAContract Tue 26-Mar-13 12:42:30

I made a conscious decision to stop dating people who were my usual 'type' (bellends)

I met DP, totally different from anyone I've ever dated before (not a bellend) and now we are getting married.

tiptop2 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:35:08

Thanks all, some lovely stories. I've definitely made a conscious effort not to date idiots in the last year and think I've been doing this well, but he is not an idiot and really different from me. But we have the same sense of humour and just seem to be able to chat for hours and hours and time goes really quickly when I'm with him, it's just really easy and lovely. Oh god, I think I'm really into him...such a strange feeling as haven't felt like this for ages!! Scary!!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 26-Mar-13 14:43:31

Hope things work out. Tbh if he has his kids over on a regular basis - are they still under 18? - you know it's going to be very much that way for some time to come and in effect you'll be sharing him? Sorry don't mean to put the damper on.

MOTU Tue 26-Mar-13 14:51:04

DH is pretty much the opposite if my type-in fact I said yes to a date in defiance to my ex who he is the opposite of! Within a couple of months I realised I hadn't actually been properly in love before (despite thinking I was for 6 years!) because it hasn't felt like this! I would say that every aspect of the relationship was slower to "gel" but much better once it did if that makes sense......

10 years later we are married, 2 year old and another on the way and couldn't imagine being happier! I'd say I only found the right one once I stopped specifically looking for the one I'd imagined!

MOTU Tue 26-Mar-13 14:51:37

DH is pretty much the opposite if my type-in fact I said yes to a date in defiance to my ex who he is the opposite of! Within a couple of months I realised I hadn't actually been properly in love before (despite thinking I was for 6 years!) because it hasn't felt like this! I would say that every aspect of the relationship was slower to "gel" but much better once it did if that makes sense......

10 years later we are married, 2 year old and another on the way and couldn't imagine being happier! I'd say I only found the right one once I stopped specifically looking for the one I'd imagined!

tiptop2 Tue 26-Mar-13 14:56:34

Hi Donkey - you're right, yes kids are young and he has them every other weekend. So yes, a few hurdles to climb yet I guess...I have never dated someone with kids before...I just keep thinking of all the things that could be cons like him having children (or that I've seen as cons in past relationships) but they don't really seem like cons with him.. BUT I am clearly in the honeymoon fog and all things are far too rosy ..based on past relationships this doesn't last! There's something so lovely yet so nerve-wracking and unstable about the start of a new relationship..I think I just have to take it step by step and enjoy it for now.

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 26-Mar-13 15:08:48

Well... despite being determinedly single... my most enduring gentleman caller is not my type at all. For a start he's from Yorkshire and I'm a Lanc... hmm But what I particularly like about him is that he has hidden shallows. After years of very earnest, intellectual types that want to debate weighty issues and share all their personal anxieties <eye-roll>, this one lives in the moment and hasn't a clue about anything ... which is exhausting but refreshing at the same time.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 26-Mar-13 15:10:59

If he isn't slagging off his ex that's a good start, you may not meet their DCs for a while, hark at me racing ahead! Good luck.

forgetmenots Tue 26-Mar-13 15:44:48

Cogito may I just applaud your use of the wonderful phrase 'gentleman caller'? We should use that more often!

Another perspective here. If you'd asked me what my type was, DH is it, almost scarily. Completely. But none of my exes were. I kept trying to change them all into what I wanted (probably self esteem issues at my end, and very unfair on them). When I met DH it was a genuine lightbulb moment rather than a thunderbolt - a bit like, 'oh men I really fancy and like DO exist and they might LIKE ME!' Bizarre, I know. If the type thing is superficial I'm willing to bet it doesn't matter. For me it really did mean something about the choices I was previously making (not sure if any of this is really helpful!)

ElegantSufficiency Tue 26-Mar-13 16:04:18

Ive realised my type is somebody decent good humoured good company. wish id realised that sooner. feel its too late now.

TheSlug Tue 26-Mar-13 16:16:55

I met my lovely, lovely DH through work. He's taller than me, but only an inch, and that would normally put me off. He's also (shock horror) a conservative. He's a bit tight too (not on our first few dates, but after that, it was more like, no we went out for dinner last weekend, etc) whereas I'm more like, let's just do it. He also has a lower sex drive than me. But he has become the most wonderful partner, fiance and husband and we have made things work for us.

tiptop2 Tue 26-Mar-13 16:33:35

Oh god, red flag alert. He has actually slagged off his ex wife quite a bit. It all sounds very convincing though when he talks about it and explains why he's so upset - she had an affair, left him, got the kids the majority of the time etc etc. Is it always a red flag when they aren't on great terms with their ex - should I be wary?? What else should I be looking out for..eeek.

ChocolateCoins Tue 26-Mar-13 16:40:19

Me and DP were talking about this the other day. I was his type but he wasn't mine. According to him, I'm turned him into my type. grin

Gabaccia Tue 26-Mar-13 16:40:25

I once had a 'vision' (hmm) of exactly the man I would end up with - I was only about 19 at the time - and became convinced I'd marry someone exactly like him: tall, brown hair, blue eyes, handsome guy next door type, sensitive and arty. Instead I ended up marrying one of my very good uni friends who is short, blokey, not remotely arty, looks nothing like my dream guy and is not conventionally handsome at all (but I do fancy him like mad). I think if he'd looked more on the surface like my 'dream guy' we'd have got together a lot quicker than we did. But he is perfect for me. If I'd ended up with someone oversensitive and arty like me we'd have killed each other by now.

flurp Tue 26-Mar-13 16:41:04

Not necessarily. Sometimes they have good reason to hate their ex.
DPs had an affair, got pregnant, left DP and took the kids and tried to write him out of their lives - even told them the new bloke was their new daddy!
They were married for 10 years and she completely broke him so he does hate her. I don't blame him either!
I had a long chat with his sister and she confirmed everything he said when we first met so I know he is telling the whole truth about her - and I have seen first hand the damage she has done too.

tiptop2 Tue 26-Mar-13 16:53:34

Thanks Flurp..I was definitely wary of it and I did mention this too him, that he still seemed angry with ex etc. He explained that he wanted to tell me everything about what happened to put it into context a bit. He's still resolving financial side of things (they own a house together) so things still very much in negoatations, even though they split up over 3 years ago. But I also know I am only getting one side of the story. Time will tell and perhaps I just need to be a bit more guarded for the time being. I really don't want another f*cker of a boyfriend. I thought I was getting good at spotting them but maybe not!

Lovely to hear that nice stories though - thank you!

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