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moving towards the end.....

(10 Posts)
notsurewhattodo23 Tue 26-Mar-13 11:09:50

If anyone read my previous post here's an update.
We had a lovely holiday with our son. Talked a lot and decided to try again. Got home and nothing changed. He's made no effort to fix the relationship and done nothing around the house. We have agreed it's over between us. He is going to try to keep the house with help from his family. I will move to my home town with my little boy.
I know it's for the best but I am in pieces. Never planned on being a single mum. Always just wanted a happy family life. I am struggling to see a future for me. I'm 42 with saggy tits and a saggy belly from having a 10lb 11 baby.
How do you all do it? I see endless lonely weekends, evenings and holidays ahead of me never mind Christmas. So sad that we had 3 Christmasses with our son together and he won't remember any if them.
Really struggling here.

purplewithred Tue 26-Mar-13 11:13:02

Big hugs and supportive thoughts. Give yourself some slack to mourn the relationship, and take each day as it comes for now, but you know from Mumsnet that many single families and single mums are strong and positive - so have faith.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 26-Mar-13 13:02:02

I'm sorry it didn't work out after giving it another go.
Right now, everything will seem uncertain.
You are going through a loss and it will take time.
Give yourself some time to get over this.
There will be someone out there for you - just wait and see.
And what... you think every 40+ year old woman out there is a size 8-10 with perky boobs and butt!!! Nope!!! Very few and far between.
Stop putting yourself down already. You need to think positively (easier said than done, I know)
Good luck - it will get better but it does take time!

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 26-Mar-13 14:32:39

"How do you all do it? "

Find the positives ... and there are many... rather than thinking about all the negatives. No-one breathing down your neck. No more compromising. Freedom to do what you like, when you like & with whom you like. Be impulsive. Make mistakes. Have some fun. There's a great sense of achievement that comes from having accomplished something solo. Potentially you'll have a closer relationship with your DS. If your body is not the way you'd like it to be, give it a bit of TLC, join a gym or whatever. If there are holes in the calendar like Christmas and holidays, find creative ways to fill them and to be with other people. There are more single adult households in the UK now than ever before and companies are gradually twigging on. smile

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 26-Mar-13 14:39:39

sorry to hear that but don't put yourself down...just get yourself up & out! grin

(If it helps, I'm only young but I was tiny, then had a 9lb 5oz baby, who I got very fat with as I comfort ate due to being single during pregnancy and feeling well & truly sorry for myself...2 years later I have a doughy pouch where my flat tummy once was & size b-long boobs if you know what I mean, but it's not the end of the world & I'm with someone who couldn't care less anyway, as it's not all about the exterior, scuse the cliche. So do not worry about any of that).

Good luck with the initial process thanks smile

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 26-Mar-13 14:41:48

p.s - It might be hard & lonely as hell at times but there is something strangely empowering about bringing up DC(s) by yourself & knowing that if I could handle all that I could handle anything kept me going in the harder parts...and still does!

CogitoErgoSometimes Tue 26-Mar-13 14:56:47

Example of the joys of singledom .... I replaced a light switch on Sunday. Bought the new switch, got out the screwdrivers and switched off the circuit. There was some swearing when it didn't go exactly as planned blush BUT... I bonded with my DS who made me a cuppa, learned something about electrics (as well as some new swear words) and we all agreed the end result was quite satisfactory before celebrating with a ribbon cutting ceremony & a takeaway. PLUS... there was no idiot bloke hovering and saying 'you're doing that all wrong' or promising he'd 'get round to it' and having to be reminded.

As a wise woman with an umbrella once said 'Find the fun and 'snap' the job's a game.... '

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 26-Mar-13 15:03:13

^ Very true about not waiting for a bloke to do it & keeps giving the usual 'i'll do it later' response when asked grin

TheOrchardKeeper Tue 26-Mar-13 15:07:26

and not having to consider what they want to watch/eat/do etc.
Plus: Being able to do what you want when the kids are in bed when they're little.

I could go on for quite a bit actually...As happy as I am to have a new DP.
There really are some things I miss about being a single parent!

Hope you're ok brew

notsurewhattodo23 Wed 27-Mar-13 15:17:12

Much better today thanks and thanks for all your responses. Made a list of his pro's and con's today - guess which is longer?
We have been renovating a house for over 5 years now and it's still not finished, he is a lazy f**ker. I am the one that sorts everything out in the house. I even changed the rubber on the washing machine myself.
I know it will be hard as my DS is not even 3 years old yet but I can do it.
Just need to get my name off the mortgage now. God knows how long that will take.
Things at least are calm at home, he's off to the gym every night leaving me to bath and put DS to bed.
Asked him if we were spending any time together as a family at the weekend, he 'needs time to himself' apparently but will deign to go out with us one day.
Don't get me wrong he does love his son but is so selfish, I am only just really waking up to it too.
Looking forward to moving into a new house without his effing mess everywhere.
will keep you updated......watch this space.
Thanks everyone

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