Following in from the thread in AIBU about the woman who's parents keep trying to push money on her. Really reminded me of my PIL so thought I would start my own thread rather than hijack. Wondered what you all make of this behaviour:
DH parents are very generous but also very opinionated and like to be in control. DH has a brother who works for the family business, lives in a flat bought for him by he family (in which he is banned fron putting up posters!!) and drives a car bought for him by his parents.
I get the impression, they would like a similar life for DH, but he rebelled as a young man and has forged some independance. I would not be with him otherwise!
DH also works for the family business part time. I am due to go back to work full time to a job I love. DH will take over as the main carer for DS (8 months) but continue to work his 2 days a week.
We have just been to visit PIL and they are clearly unhappy with the arrangement. MIL kept up a stream of comments, massively overstating the difficulty to me of leaving a child to returnto work and to DH of picking up the slack. Raised lots of practical issues. Most of which I have already talked through on mumsnet and am confident we can handle (thanks mumsnet!) But still managed to plant little seeds of doubt.
FIL took DH aside and said "For Gods sake, your 30 years old, you can't waste your life babysitting"
As with the poster on AIBU, all this is accompanied by material generosity (paying at the restaurant, new clothes for DS, sent us home with baby food and nappies)
I've always felt like the generosity has a catch though, like it makes them feel justified in the meddling. I also think they resent any evidence that we are competent to manage on our own.
For example: just before DS was born, I had a little wobble about money. My mum helped me go through a budget and reasurred me I could manage. MIl volunteered the opinion that we wouldn't be able to cope and suggested solutions that would make us more dependant on her!
DH thinks this is a case of cultural difference, a lotof middle class families operate like this and being from a poorer background Im just not used to it.
But its not that, is it? They genuinely have appalling personal boundaries don't they?
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Relationships
Yet another PIL thread.....
10 replies
dashoflime · 26/03/2013 10:42
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