A bastard fucking prick has cheated on an amazing woman....

[Bogeyface]

.....my oldest and dearest friend.

I hope he dies a long, slow and painful death for having a year long affair.

He was the sort of man that always wanted to be Alpha but couldnt be because he was such an annoying little wanker, so he married my friend who has always been several steps ahead professionally and brought her down by his EA. I pity the OW because she must be seriously fucked up to think that he is the man of her dreams.

I think she is still heartbroken because he managed to make her feel grateful for the fact that he married her. That wont last though, not if I have anything to do with it!

Not posting for replies, more to get my anger out that such a funny, beautiful, clever and amazing woman could be treated like shit by such a pointlesss little fucker.

[Bogeyface]

The marriage is over btw.

[badinage]

By EA do you mean emotional abuse Bogey?

[Bogeyface]

Yes. I spent many years trying to tell her that being a success wasnt her "putting him down" as he made her believe :(

[Bogeyface]

He actually said to her once that her promotion was an insult to him and tried to get her to turn it down.

Thank fuck her boss was also his boss and could see him for what he was and wouldnt let her turn it down. And double thank fuck that she will have far more support at work than he will.

[izzyizin]

O lordy, lordy. Why do so many bright amazing women allow themselves to be demeaned by worthless bellends?

Thank the great god Pan she's got you, Bogey... solicitors' asap and then work your magic and flatten demolish the twunt.

[badinage]

Then hard though it is for her Bogey, what a blessing in disguise this is. Time and time again I see women in abusive relationships who won't pull the plug on them until these miserable fuckers are unfaithful - as abusers usually are at some point. It baffles me why infidelity is seen as worse than the abuse that's preceded it but hey, if that's what it takes then I celebrate it. At some point, it'll be helpful for her to see that the infidelity was just another flavour of abuse and that it wasn't personal.

[Bogeyface]

Izzy she was a geek in the days when it wasnt cool to be a geek. He was the only man interested in her (so she thought) so she married him and was so happy that he wanted her. He treated her like shit before they were married too.

I agree badinage that his EA was far worse than his affair but her self esteem on a personal level meant that she took it. He had been unfaithful to her before, so I think that this time it finally added up to too much iykwim.

Ironically, her job means that she has to support abused women and yet she didnt see it in her own life :(

[Darkesteyes]

They both have the same boss and it involves supporting abused women.
So this is a job that he does.

[Darkesteyes]

Sorry i meant they both have the same job.

[izzyizin]

You might be surprised at how many of those who are paid to support those who have suffered/are suffering abuse are abusers, eyes.

And how many of these workers are being abused in their relationships - this state of affairs almost seems to be in the nature of an occupational hazard

[Darkesteyes]

I guess there are a lot of people doing jobs they shouldnt be.
Bogey she sounds like a lovely amazing woman who has a great friend in you.
And she no longer has that millstone around her neck.

[Bogeyface]

Darkest they work for the same company but dont do the same job. She is trained to help abused women but he isnt (directly). They do share the same boss.

[Bogeyface]

Although, having said that, he is a position that means he should refer women to his wife,......

[Darkesteyes]

Oh Sorry Bogey.... its great that she will have that support at work though as well as from you.

[Mosman]

Gosh surely not another one

I am seriously starting to think one bottle of sperm and a vibrator and we could drown the lot of them.

There probably is a message here though, too many good women are marrying beneath them and look at the consequences, aim higher I say !!!

[maleview70]

At least she has kicked him out.

It amazes me how many don't and just put up with it.

"because I love him"

[TalkativeJim]

Jolly good.

All luck to your lovely smart newly unencumbered friend, Bogey!

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

A policeman?

[rumbelina]

maleview its not that simple. I put up with 3 years of EA for a variety of reasons (lack of experience, thought it was normal, low self esteem and more), none of which was "because I love him"

[TKKW]

gosh, its been a very sad week or so here on relationships. so many affairs being uncovered. hope your friend is ok and sounds like she has a great friend in you.

[NicknameTaken]

I am seriously starting to think one bottle of sperm and a vibrator and we could drown the lot of them.

Thanks for making me lol at work, Mos. Might be problematic as a breeding pool within a generation or two, but there are times when I see the appeal.

I can totally see why someone who works with abuse victims can be victimized herself - it's part and parcel of the helper/rescuer personality, which can be very positive in some ways, but leaves you vulnerable to users in other ways. And abusers can masquerade as rescuers too. The more I see of life, the more I think we are all playing out the same few archetypes.

I'm glad she's free now and she's got you by her side. A year from now, I hope she's revelling in her freedom and her wonderful new life.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I have a theory that successful, driven, capable women tend not to give up on an abusive man way beyond the point when they really should walk away. They think that, like other challenges in their life that they face and overcome, with a bit more effort or ingenuity on their part they could make it right.... forgetting, of course, that an abusive bully is not their problem to fix. Perhaps she didn't identify what was happening in her own life as abuse because she was didn't see it as comparable with the women she works with? You see it quite often... 'I'd feel a fraud contacting a shelter because it's not like he hits me'.

[Gay40]

I do NOT understand anyone who wouldn't want their partner to be happy in their success. Earn more than me, dear? Go right ahead! It doesn't say a jot about my own success or happiness.
I'd be thrilled to bits if DP got a promotion or any kind of personal success.

[SundaysGirl]

Urgh. so sorry for your friend but hopefully this will be a blessing in disguise and allow her to reclaim her life and self-esteem.

Yea you know often abusive men choose women who they see as strong and vibrant, I think it is a combination of putting them on a pedestal and then secretly envying and hating them for being what they know they are not. So they try to bring that woman down so they can feel powerful and better about themselves. But they know it's a lie deep down so they take their anger and self-hatred out on the woman.

[thatsnotmynamereally]

Good luck to her. She'll be better off without him and glad she'd got friends for support.

I wish my H would have an affair so I'd have a proper, socially acceptable excuse to leave him. I know, I know