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How important are labels within relationships?

(34 Posts)
mildlyinsulting Mon 25-Mar-13 22:57:40

Do people think it matters if someone is a 'girlfriend/boyfriend' etc once you're an adult?

MirandaWest Mon 25-Mar-13 22:58:25

As opposed to what?

mildlyinsulting Mon 25-Mar-13 23:00:59

To just getting along with it I suppose, without the need for the 'where are we' chat

MirandaWest Mon 25-Mar-13 23:04:31

Labels themselves aren't necessarily important but I think knowing how you both see the relationship is important. One person might see it as exclusive and another person might not. This is likely to be painful for the one who thinks they are exclusive I suspect if it turns out they are not.

Casmama Mon 25-Mar-13 23:05:35

I think it is easier for other people to make reference to so yes I think it is useful. It's not hugely important but I think alarm bells would ring if someone refused any such labels as it would indicate a lack of commitment.

mildlyinsulting Mon 25-Mar-13 23:18:47

Both good points, I am trying to work out my view on it and can't quite decide

lemonstartree Mon 25-Mar-13 23:28:30

I think ts really important that you are both clear what the relationship means to you ,and what you expect, I don't care if you call my male co-habitee my boyfriend, my partner , my bloke or my husband. What I care about is that he, and I, know we are committed to being together in a monogamous relationship and supporting one another in life's paths...

I would care a lot if that bit wasn't clear...

Mumcentreplus Mon 25-Mar-13 23:33:28

I don't like scratchy labels..I tend to cut them out after a while..irritating as..

mildlyinsulting Tue 26-Mar-13 07:49:41

So even without the labelling there would still be need for the exclusivity talk?

Helltotheno Tue 26-Mar-13 08:36:19

Labels are not important ime, though they are to some. but its important to define what you are as a couple. For example, if your guy says you're a couple but wants that hidden from the public, alarm bells would ring.

If you're with someone who would rather not acknowledge the relationship at all, alarm bells also.

mildlyinsulting Wed 27-Mar-13 20:08:07

How about if he says he likes you an awful lot but if he has a girlfriend, that means it's for keeps and he's not sure just yet?

Casmama Wed 27-Mar-13 20:10:55

Do you mean that he has a girl friend that is not you?

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 27-Mar-13 20:24:47

Then it just means he's not sure how he feels about you. Hardly passion-inducing for you hmm but honest I suppose. If a guy said that to me I'd feel 'on trial', as if I had to perform really well to 'win' his admiration/emotion. In short, it would fuck me off. Bit of a red flag. BUT that's dependent on how long it's been.

How long have you been seeing each other?

Scrazy Wed 27-Mar-13 20:34:28

If you are seeing someone and they won't define the relationship then it indicates that it's only casual for the other person. If you want to be in a proper relationship then you have to have the talk.

Scrazy Wed 27-Mar-13 20:36:10

Cross post so he won't call you his girlfriend yet. That isn't good, ime and you might need to work out how long you are prepared for him to make up his mind. Sorry he is being like this.

mildlyinsulting Wed 27-Mar-13 22:02:24

It's been just over 6 months so not too long, I haven't really done the relationship thing for a while and forget the rules!!

mildlyinsulting Wed 27-Mar-13 22:30:12

It's been just over 6 months so not too long, I haven't really done the relationship thing for a while and forget the rules!!

mildlyinsulting Wed 27-Mar-13 22:31:35

He doesn't have a girlfriend who's not me

LemonPeculiarJones Wed 27-Mar-13 23:12:30

Six months?! Bin him off. I thought you were going to say a few weeks. If he's not sure now he'll never be.

Sorry sad

mildlyinsulting Thu 28-Mar-13 00:45:14

The thing is, I've only known him 6 months, we did the trampish get together first night thing. Normally 6 months after meeting someone I would still be undecided but he is kind of a big deal to me and I am way more attached than him. Think I'm hanging on hoping and it hurts.

ErikNorseman Thu 28-Mar-13 07:47:47

He's stringing you along, he wants to keep you around without making any emotional investment in you. You ask about the 'rules' of relationships - they are whatever works for you so if you are insecure and unhappy without a 'label' (which really means a commitment) then you have the right to say so. Maybe not after 6 weeks but definitely after 6 months. And I'm sorry to say that if he liked you as much as you liked him he'd be doing everything he could to keep you around, not pushing you away.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 28-Mar-13 11:56:08

Aw OP that's hard. I do think you need to move on. I too had a trampish get-together grin with my DH, we had a couple of months of sussing each other out and then decided to be gf and bf (ie exclusive) and we went from there. We were engaged four months later.

I've also been in the situation in the past where I was hanging around with someone who wasn't sure if he wanted a full relationship (or he said he did probably want one, with time, but not yet, we'll see etc......it was bullshit). The arrogant twat actually said, "All I can say, Lemon, is you've got my interest". What a prick. I ended it on the spot.

It always hurts at the time but you free yourself up for someone bloody wonderful.

Gabaccia Thu 28-Mar-13 12:01:18

Girlfriend is about the mildest, least 'meaningful' label you can get (apart from fuckbuddy...) A man objecting to you being his 'girlfriend', especially after 6 months, is a knob.

Gabaccia Thu 28-Mar-13 12:02:33

shock at 'you've got my interest' Lemon! How pleasing that he revealed his twattishness so early and so clearly.

LemonPeculiarJones Thu 28-Mar-13 12:14:49

Hehe I know Gabaccia - decent of him to make his true nature so clear, wasn't it? grin

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