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Where the fuck do I start?

(15 Posts)
LeslieKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 14:14:46

Have nc'd. Looks like DP and I are over. Long story, things have been shaky for a while. No huge drama/cheating just a lot of arguing/suspicion/snarkiness.

We rent. DP earns well and pays all bills. I'm a SAHM but a secretary on paper for his business. I earn £600 a month. We have a car which is in my name.

DD is 5.

Been together 12 years but not married.

Does he move out? Do me and DD? Am I entitled to anything from him? Benefits?

DD starts primary in September. I was planning to look for a school hours job then (the mythical school-friendly job..hmm). Currently she's at nursery 15 hours.

Fuck. Can't stop crying. Feel so shit. Any practical help would be snatched gratefully.

Locketjuice Mon 25-Mar-13 14:16:57

brew No help but someone will be along soon I'm sure x

LeslieKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 14:18:21

Thank you locket

After 5 years on here I can't believe I have my own one of these threads sad

LeslieKnope Mon 25-Mar-13 14:58:13


NaturalBlondeYeahRight Mon 25-Mar-13 15:06:18

No legal knowledge but pretty sure if he was half decent (???) that he should move out first and try to get things settled. Your daughter doesn't need the upheaval. There could be some catchment issues if you move out of area before September too.
Unfortunately, unmarried couples don't have as many rights.
Do you rent jointly?
I think you need to speak to him and see where he thinks you both should start.

CogitoErgoSometimes Mon 25-Mar-13 15:36:59

If it's still reasonably amicable then work out some details between you regarding accommodation, maintenance, sharing parenting, splitting finances fairly and so forth. It may be bad together but you might find you can go for a 'good split'. Many do.

Then have a look at your personal finances in that light. Will your job as secretary continue or will you be unemployed? Can you afford to keep renting your current place solo or will you need to downsize? Either way, you'll need to check out what benefits are available up to (and beyond) you returning to work. The Benefits Checker at is quite useful for that. The CSA website has a maintenance calculator that you can use as a guide.

Good luck

onenutshortofasnickers Mon 25-Mar-13 17:53:29

Not much help on this as if you were married a solicitor would be in order, I back what cogito says always very good and sound advice.

If it isn't amicable (or even if it is,) I'm sure a trip o CAB and a solicitor wouldn't hurt...

orchard and any/eggy offer sound advice too.

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 25-Mar-13 17:57:31

Sorry to hear that thanks

I'd get a solicitor (if I could afford it) to be on the safe side but if you ca sort it out amicably then that's all the better. Once you've discussed how you'll handle money, maintenance etc your next step would be to contact the benefits line if you're going to need any extra support and they'll ask questions and figure out what you're entitled to for you, then it should only take a few weeks.

How are you feeling? have you got a good support network around you at the moment? brew

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 25-Mar-13 17:57:47


TheOrchardKeeper Mon 25-Mar-13 17:58:39

(The exact number seems to be tricky to find online so here it is for future reference: 08456088501 )

tryingtobeabetterperson Mon 25-Mar-13 17:59:27

I'd stay put with your DD if I could, keep everything as stable and familiar for her as possible. It's going to be upheaval enough for her by becoming a single parent family.

Try you best to work things out amicably but get everything everything in writing just in case things become heated and debated later on

Sorry this is happening to you

TheOrchardKeeper Mon 25-Mar-13 17:59:30

Meant to ask, who's name is the house under? Is it shared?

izzyizin Mon 25-Mar-13 18:08:44

I'm so sorry you're throug this, Leslie, but a look around the board should serve to convince you that you're in good company.

As you're not married, the bottom line is that all you are legally entitled to is child support in respect of your dd.

Although you are the registered keeper, if he can prove he paid for it and hasn't gifted it to you he'd have a claim in law for the car to be returned to him.

Are you/he prepared to consider counselling with Relate to review your relationship and bring it to an end in a civilised manner?

izzyizin Mon 25-Mar-13 18:09:55

aw jeez. fickle fingers or what hmm 'I'm so sorry you're going through this, Leslie, ...etc... '.

izzyizin Wed 27-Mar-13 00:32:32

How are you feeling, honey?

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