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I have done it again

(90 Posts)
Orchidlady Mon 25-Mar-13 11:11:01

For anyone remembers for threads about my split with DP of 21 years. Sorry I am totally hopeless to link. I have so fucked up again this weekend, ended up going to lunch with him, coming back home and seducing him ( not that he put up a fight) Why do I do this? we had a very passionate night and morning, this is really bad right? It just felt so nice to have him here, I am so confused. Also something I still can't get my head around is he insisted in ringing his landlord ( share house) to day he would not be coming home, does this not seem terribly odd?

Orchidlady Wed 03-Apr-13 14:32:51

SueF Again thanks. I need to sit down and make a plan about what suits DS and me. Tell him how it is and stick to it. Apparently DS said he is coming over later well we are not going to be is promised DS some goldfish. LOL

MushroomSoup Wed 03-Apr-13 19:53:23

Hurray for you! You're on the road to becoming fabulous again!

Orchidlady Thu 04-Apr-13 09:38:37

He turned up at 9.00 this morning to "drop off DS fishing rod" I was so busy washing my hair smile, he did not come in and was gone in 5 minutes. Think he is getting the message. Poor DS was upset last night though because his Dad had not been in contact or returned his calls. Poor kid always doing the chasing.Have told DS we are going to make a plan and stick to it, let's hope x can man up.

AnyFucker Thu 04-Apr-13 10:36:49

Don't count on it smile

Orchidlady Thu 04-Apr-13 11:21:37

What man up? smile It makes me really sad to see DS chasing and calling, he asked me why does dad not bother returning me calls, what the hell do you say. Though according X, DS is just acting like this to upset me. Hmmm and DS2 is a self centred git as has not bothered to call him.

Orchidlady Mon 08-Apr-13 14:27:22

So I think I should change my title to I have NOT done it again. Took DS and I off to Devon this weekend stayed in a lovely B&B, first time off alone. We had a really lovely time. Ignored phone call from X. When got back DS wanted to speak with dad, totally pissed up down the pub, not feed his chickens and dog as agreed. so bloody cross. Said it was my fault because I had someone else doing it ( I didn't) apparently he was calling me because he wanted to by me a car. WTF, this someone on Friday said he can now not pay me what we agreed as he has no money.

Sadly I think he is on a big downward spiral talking total irrational rubbish, ( reminds me of when he had his last breakdown, this time though he did not convince me I was in the wrong, so sad for DS. Not sure what to do about the money thing, my view is he can afford to go out and get hammered then he can afford to pay me what he owes

Orchidlady Mon 08-Apr-13 15:15:24

Also just wanted to add, that ALL family and friends think he needs help, beginning to show signs of cracking up.

Charbon Mon 08-Apr-13 16:27:53

I'm so pleased you are making these logical deductions now about his behaviour OL. You're quite right that if he can afford money for alcohol, he can afford to pay for his son.

Does he have his own family members and friends looking out for him now? Because this is of course now their responsibility and not yours. Please don't be tempted to go into rescue mode, because that's what you've done every time and it simply enables his behaviour rather than eradicates it.

It's great that you're creating new experiences for you and DS. These will all build your confidence and won't seem so daunting ever again. It's been a while since I posted but I honestly wasn't surprised to read that your family and friends now feel they've got 'permission' to be truthful about what a millstone round your neck your ex partner has been. Keep elicitng these confidences from people as they will bolster your resolve if you feel tempted to bail him out yet again.

overtheraenbow Mon 08-Apr-13 17:08:45

Well done Orchid, proud of you girl!! ( You may recognise me from prev posts) Keep up the good work, don't let him weasel back in.
About your son being self centred, I was like; Shocked:
If he says this again tell him if that's the case the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! How dare he!
In meeting my ex now I have a clipboard and notes sit him opposite me ( on a slightly lower chair Big grinsmile offer him tea and coffee as I would a client or customer. Let him know you mean business. I was advised to meet somewhere public but at that stage felt if I disolved into floods of tears would not be comfortable. But if you think you can do it would be in YOUR best interests.
Keep it business like and be strong. He may need help, not yours though!!

overtheraenbow Mon 08-Apr-13 17:10:21

BTW I would start a new thread as when I saw this and it was you thought, NOOOOO not again, was about to give you a stern talking to!! Glad it was not the case xx

Orchidlady Mon 08-Apr-13 17:55:19

Anger and disgust are taking over ( mixed with a tiny bit of pity) He has just called DS whilst we were out, pretty obvious he has no recollection of conversation with DS or me yesterday afternoon, desperate to fish for info so he can get his pathetic story right. charbon don't worry have not intention of going into rescue mode, everytime he lies to DS, drunkenly rants at me, my heart hardens. Even had the cheek to say I was coming on to him when came to pickup DS on Friday, I just had to ask SIL what the hell he is talking about ( she was here), she said I did not move from my chair and he has MH problems clearly( see even now I falter and doubt myself, but getting so much stronger.) I think he is seriously deluded ill

Orchidlady Mon 08-Apr-13 18:01:19

over according to him, DS2 is a liar and just trying to make things difficult, DS1 is selfish, DB is a drunk, our friends are all liars and making up stories about him, my mother is a bitch. Funny everyone is wrong. I really hate DS2 seeing him but know if I stop contact then DS will blame me. Sure he will start to see the light all by himself at some point

Charbon Mon 08-Apr-13 18:16:02

The thing to remember is that selfish abusers are as likely to become ill as kind, selfless individuals. So not all of this behaviour - perhaps even any of it - is because he is ill. A significant proportion of his behaviour is because of his personality. Individuals with positive personalities and responsible attitudes also tend to get treatment when their illness threatens not just their own lives but those of others around them. Selfish abusive characters however refuse to get treatment and believe that everyone around them is in the wrong.

Orchidlady Tue 09-Apr-13 12:13:23

charbon you are of course right. He has a serious personality flaw and seeing him more and more for what he is. I actually feel sorry for him, perhaps I used to confuse pity for love, I don't know. My flaw is that I always believe the best in people and used to believe his lies as he was very convincing.

Orchidlady Tue 09-Apr-13 17:34:47

Feeling really angry/upset this afternoon. Don't really know why as starting see what a complete prat he really is. He has been down the pub, telling people all kinds of stories, apparently I look like Lara Croft, he has owned multi million pound businesses around the world, telling people I earn 20K a month, that he had bought the house but just handed over the keys because could not stand living with me anymore ( mortgage in my name). I actually feel embarrassed and sorry for my son that his dad is such a complete looney. People are beginning to talk and laugh at him, as it is all totally unbelievable.I have heard this now from 3 separate sources so know it is true Sorry needed to get off my chest. Why do I blush when I hear these stories

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