As some of you may know (from previous posts) ex-DH and I split when DS was 2.5 with OW involved. I am also in non-UK country and have to stay here due to Hague Convention.
Acrimonious and twattish behaviour but 2.5 years on DS and I are getting sorted.
My AIBU in a relationship sense is in regard to education. I don't want to get into the public vs private debate in this but please note that over here a lot of people go to a pay for school and outside of the equivalent to the major public schools in the UK, most fee paying schools are generally less than half the price of those in the UK. Hence many more 'normal' income families send their children there - most often aged 10+ - as local primary schools often much better than local secondary.
Before split it was planned DS would go to local fee paying primary and then to fee paying secondary - although we thought about sending ot local primary for first few years.
Post split of course this went out of the window and not included in financial agreement. However, circumstances meant that it was possible for me to send DS to the local fee paying school - which we were on track to do - with me amending admin papers to make me soley responsible (vs ex DH). At last minute however ex-DH exploited legal error (separate legal matter being persued no doubt thread soon as that hits the fan) to pay @500 UK pounds less a month in child support and refused to pay for half of uniform. Net net, I decided that it would stretch me too far so DS has gone to local public school which is actually pretty good and for next few years I am OK with.
I suggested to DS that we start saving a small amount each month into school account in son's name (that neither of us could gain individual access to) - cue a no + miraculously he now things local public schools are fine for him (despite saying over my dead body when we were together - our local school is quite shit and at the beach which is great if you are a 15 year old boy who likes smoking dope and surfing but less good academically).
Anyway. All, well we will figure it out....but today I have discovered that OW's son (who is a couple of years old than my DS) who recently moved from their city to our city to live is at a fee paying school which DS was going to go to at 11 (but they start at 5 - we were chosing their feeder school as is more local to us for the first few years). I appreciate that she may very well be paying for it herself/her partner is and that THAT is none of my business. What I do feel - whilst not my business per se - but my right to be fucked right off - is that ex-DH is living in McMansion with her, swanning off on holiday, HAD the option of ex-wife stretching herself to pay soley for school until he fucked us over at last minute and is not 'anti' private school. I should say that he earns lots and would not be huge financial burden in future if we save now and DS goes later on. Part of me also suspects that he is partly funding school as a 'sweetner' to move here but again, not my business.
Is this just another 'thing' that is just how it goes. I have accepted our vastly different housing/material things difference now as I know that is what happends post divorce and they are just 'things'. But an education is not in my mind the same and I can't believe that if I were living with someone and their child went to school that was wonderful and advantageous I woud not want to prioritise sending my own to similar if I had the resources.
Anyhoo. Am I unreasonable. Is this just 'life'. And was anyone bought up similarly with step siblings and if so did you mind/did it course resentment. Thanks for the perspective.
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Schooling for DS vs OW's DS - Am I unreasonable to be pissed off? Experience of 2 tier system from children of divorce....
16 replies
downunderdolly · 25/03/2013 07:41
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Altinkum ·
25/03/2013 07:56
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