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Partner moved out yesterday, I'm distraught. We have a daughter. Help me cope please

(84 Posts)
Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 19:07:02

Just that really.
He moved out yesterday, we ended our relationship 2 weeks ago, he's gone to live with his mum and I'm really struggling.
We were together for 5 years and we have a 2 yr old daughter, I moved 250 miles away from everything I knew to be with him and now he's gone and I'm here on my own with our daughter.
I can't move back home as she needs to see her dad and I don't want to make their relationship difficult. I also have a good job and she's in a really good nursery.
Even though I instigated this after our argument on mothers day I still have this hole in my stomach, I feel empty and alone and the thought of him not loving me anymore is unbearable at this stage.
What are the next steps for me? How can I keep motivated and happy for the sake of our daughter? How the hell do I cope?
Thanks in advance.

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 19:50:12

my heart wants him back, my head knows this is for the best. we've been living like strangers for months.

not that i want to gain from anyone elses misfortune, it's a bit of a comfort to know im not the only one going through this, and who knows maybe in a few months time we can revisit this thread and be proud of ourselves

DotCottonsHairnet Sun 24-Mar-13 19:50:24

Why are they such bastards? Mine has seen me really sobbing my heart out and how he can just watch beggars belief. Certainly not the man I thought I knew.

Right tomorrow is a new week and I am determined that it will be a good one for me and the boys. No tears and a strong Mum.

Making plans for the easter weekend - out with friends and a meal with my family. He can come here and sort more of his stuff out - I am determined to be strong about it especially after talking to people on here tonight.


Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 19:51:56

mamma, i do that too. I'm not sure if my tears are for what I've lost or for what I'll never have

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 19:53:16

he thinks (and told me) that I'll fail. I'm adamant to prove him otherwise.

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 19:57:46

To the ladies who are going through the same - what happened if you don't mind me asking?

We met in odd circumstances 5 years ago, moved in really quickly and even in those early days there were warning signs that he was pretty unstable. I liked the way he made me feel, he said the right things and I moved all the way down here to be with him. We've never had it easy, through various things but if I'm completely honest I just don't think we've had room for each other since we had our daughter. Not that I'm blaming her, she's my life and my greatest accomplishment

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 19:58:45

Dot....mine too. I sobbed and sobbed the other night. He didn't flinch. Actually that was a moment where I just thought "what the f am I doing here???"......

Come on ladies.....we can do this smile xxx

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:00:22

There is a Robbie William song called 'Sexed Up' that I've been singing. This certain part sticks out.

'Screw you, I never liked your taste anyway, I chose you and that's all gone to waste, It's Saturday I'll go out and find another you'

Not that I want anyone else at the moment, but I'm having fun planning my lonely hearts ad in my head

raskolnikov Sun 24-Mar-13 20:01:19

If he thinks you'll fail, that's all you need to make sure you succeed. I'm a lot further along than you, single mum with 3 teens, but I'm so glad they're with me, I've been to parties, and a funeral that XH and his gf were at, held my head high and had lots of back up and support from family and friends - my kids keep me sane, I look at them and know I'm doing the right thing - its tough (very, very tough still at times, like yesterday, another story..) but it would have been worse to have stayed with him - he was turning into his father!

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:01:21

Too right we can!

DotCottonsHairnet Sun 24-Mar-13 20:01:28

Oxen - due tomvarious reasons - health/work we have had a tough few years and drifted apart and taken each other forgranted - might have been able to salvage things till his head was turned by another woman. Suddenly he no longer loved me and moved out! Nothing has happened with this woman apparantely but they are close. Oh did I mention she is young enough to be his daughter. Basically a middle life crisis.

Suspect he will end up all alone as she wont want a nearly 50 year old with a pot belly who snores and farts.

Actually nor do I reading that description!!

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 20:02:50

We've been together for 7 years. We had two babies in 2 years.....basically he seemed to change when dd1 was born, withdrew affection etc. Anyway, since about October he's been pretty much doing his own thing, staying out til early hours without a text to let me kno etc. Few weeks back had an inkling he was cheating, found some evidence- complete denial. Denying the undeniable. I asked him to leave Friday as he's utter disrespect in even discussing my accusations were the final nail.

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:05:42

ha ha Dot - no you can do much better!

I'm sorry there was a third party involved, I wonder how soon it will be before he gets back on the horse so to speak.

McPheetStink Sun 24-Mar-13 20:06:54

Another one here

Partner left us a month ago, and is cocklodging with his new 'friend'. I'm left with his 8 month old daughter.

It's like a bereavement, in terms of the swinging emotions and the pain of what is lost. That's how it was described to me by a counsellor.

Be strong xx

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 20:12:07

Oxen....same here with regards to heart v head. So hard. Xxxx

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:13:19

sorry to hear that MPheetStink, come join us!!

I thought a bereavement would be easier. When people die, they are gone forever and there is nothing you can do. He's chosen to leave me and our daughter and will go on living his life cutting me out.

He'll be around for our daughter I'm pretty sure of it, but I need to be pretty damn strong not to break down and let him think I'm failing. The bastard!

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 20:13:54

I'm gonna write my list tomorrow. Loving the list idea!

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:16:42

So, for me this is Day 1 and I've gone from waking up strong and determined to a bawling mess (even on the phone to him!) but after all the crying I took myself off for another shower, did my hair and have spent the rest of the day just tidying round and caring for our daughter.

All in all, on a scale of one to ten I've gone from 3 to a 6. That's with your help. Thanks

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 20:20:45

wouldn't it be fun to put our lists on here?

I wouldn't suggest writing the whole list in one post, buts just a few bits and pieces to keep us all going?

1. the fact that 4 hours after our daughter was born we fought because he wanted to go to the pub and watch footie meaning I would be left on my own after 36 hours labour with a newborn. I spent that day in hospital with him feeling rotten that we'd fought and we were not speaking. It should've been a lovely time to look back on.

In actual fact, when he left later that evening I relished the time on my own in hospital with my baby

InNeedOfBrandy Sun 24-Mar-13 20:24:06

See I could be with my dick head if I was willing to shut up and go with the flow, makes it hard because I have this big doubt that I'm doing the right thing leaving him. He is really lovely most of the time...

My head, MN, family and friends say LTB but I am so embarrassingly needy about him even if I don't show it. Keep thinking why go through this when you can just be with him.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 20:47:07 yeah

2 babies in 2 years, I'm under my pre preg weight, small size 12, average attractiveness but do scrub up well. Went out for a big girls night at Xmas, first big night out since dc2 born in July. I dressed up big time. Did he compliment me!?? Did he fuck. Not a word. I get to the bar where the girls all were....every single one complimented me, couldn't believe how great I looked etc etc. What a bastard.

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 21:19:28

sorry, my daughter was just sick, poor thing is knackered and has gone back to bed, I'm really worried about her

my first thought - phone her dad for help, immediate thought afterwards, fuck him!
I would sort it on my own anyway if he was around, all he'd do is command what should be done, how it should be done etc.

But, one thing did come to mind. I need to have my house better prepared for these things i.e new fresh bedding ready and in its place for when this happens again. At the moment I've had to use non matching duvet covers pillow cases etc.

So that's on my list of things to do. Be. More. Organised.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 21:32:46

My daughter has sickness bug too sad came on last night. Hope yours feels better soon.

Listen lovely, give yourself a break!! Mis matching duvet covers aren't a crime!! Haha, sounds like you're doing brilliantly. Know what u mean, I got a bit stressed last night, stripping sheets, getting her changed but I actually would've done it all anyway. Like you say, just with a barrage of 'helpful suggestions'.....

Oxen Sun 24-Mar-13 21:42:15

ha ha, how silly I've just read about my mis matching duvet covers and laughed at my own silliness!

We shouldn't doubt ourselves. We're the mummies, we are programmed to just do it!

Hope your wee one feels better soon.

mammadiggingdeep Sun 24-Mar-13 21:48:56

Not silly just shows you are on top of your game if that's all you need to get sorted in the house. Well done you.

Hope you have a good night with DD and you get some sleep.

Hugs x

whateverhernameis Sun 24-Mar-13 21:50:11

Dot - I could have written your post there almost word for word, except we only had a stressful couple of months before he walked out suddenly after announcing he no longer loved me. Younger woman,XH almost 50....

They are just walking cliches.

A very wise woman said on my thread on here,

"Grief is the price we pay for love"

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