Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

(1000 Posts)
Mouseface Sun 24-Mar-13 12:23:14

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. smile

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese wink and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you smile

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon smile

ohcluttergotme Sat 30-Mar-13 18:34:15

Aw Purple, that's amazing. That must be a huge weight of your mind & not only do you not have to justify a decision that has broke your heart but your dd is caring & loving towards you...huge double bonus!!
I'm getting ready to go to party & not really looking forward to it. Not because I can't drink but more I can't be bothered. I like getting little one tucked into bed at 7pm then having a couple of hours to relax but hey ho te plan is to go for half 7 & leave at 10. Taking the car x

Mouseface Sat 30-Mar-13 21:21:02

Happy Easter Brave Babes, I'm off to bed as losing an hour is going to kill me. smile

I hope that you all have a nice rest of the weekend.

Lots of love to those who are struggling xxxx

aliasjoey Sat 30-Mar-13 21:33:40

purple many people would have carried on with dog, unable to give it the care and attention it needs. You have made a really brave decision, instead of just copping out and dumping the dog at the nearest shelter, you took the time to find her the perfect home.

You should be SO proud of yourself.

Am drinking tonight, but am pleased that have only just started - and even refused a glass of champagne earlier.

Am starting to get nervous about the rest of the weekend though. Once the wine starts, the self-control goes. Well, at least thanks to you lot I will have drunk much less than usual.

Joey xxx

ohcluttergotme Sat 30-Mar-13 23:27:41

Well that's me home & tucked up in bed. Didn't drink & even managed to have a wee dance before I left...sober! A little strange but sure the more I do it the more normal it will feel. Dd was shocked & really proud of me! Was interesting looking at all those around me drinking & really paying attention to them for the first time in my life.
Thinking of you joey & hope the weekend gets easier not harder!
Night night brave babes xx

venusandmars Sun 31-Mar-13 10:03:21

joey - spot on in what you said to purple. Someone who was a failure wouldn't have made a difficult decision, or done what was best, they would have ignored the problem.

clutter well done you. And yes it does get easier. I love it that I can have fun and a bit of a laugh, and then even remember it the next morning (and want to remember it, rather than wanting to forget most of it).

Hope everyone has a good Sunday. Here in Scotland it is bright and cold, both dds are home with their boyfriends so the house is full of love and chatter. Later the house will be full of wonderful smells of cooking. Then tonight dp and I will enjoy the calm and peace after everyone has gone.

determinedma Sun 31-Mar-13 18:37:09

Well, a successful day here. We went egg rolling in the park, then I cooked dinner for 7 which was worrying me a bit, but it went really well. Beef in red wine in the slow cooker, and a gorgeous potato dauphinois and veggies. Then dds fabulous lemon cheesecake. Think I'm going to explode. Bro is definitely acting oddly. Apparently was screaming and swearing in his sleep last night - woke my sis up so she had to sleep in the sitting room at mums. This is usually a sign he's drinking too much.

ohcluttergotme Sun 31-Mar-13 20:46:55

Hope everyone had had a good day, MA, Venus your days both sound lovely. I've been out for family meal & another first did it without alcohol. Was great not being hungover & then enjoying the today, church, egg rolling & family lunch. Starting to not feel depressed about the future now that I can see how much alcohol was depressing me.
Night night lovely babes xx

determinedma Mon 01-Apr-13 09:37:56

Where the heck is everyone? Are you all sleeping off chocolate overdoses from yesterday?

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 10:15:34

Clutter, Joey and Venus - Thank you. We have got most of the 'first' out of the way (first time coming home and no dog, first time getting up in the morning and not having to let the dog out etc) and it has helped hugely that the chaps have sent lots of photos and updates. Libby is getting on well with their current GS!! Who knew! DD, having seen the pics and read the updates, has come to the understanding that Libs is happier and better off where she is and is settling to the idea. Still not easy, though.

Clutter Well done on your meal out without alcohol! Go you!

Ma Glad to hear you had such a great family day. Sad about Richard, though. Even if he's not drinking, it sounds like he's having a hard time of it. Do you think he is drinking?

Mouse Thank you, Lovely. Hope you are having a stress-free time?! x

curryeater Mon 01-Apr-13 10:52:22

hello all
not doing so well here. Exhausted and drinking too much. Feeling like I am only ok to drink carefully when I can get to bed on my own and sleep. Always feel so guilty about not sleeping with dp and I have to at the moment while we have one bed and there is no real down time for me and I drink, it makes me feel sloppy and relaxed and more accepting of broken sleep and snoring and if I am sober I get angry. rowing today about lie-ins and "time off". and the bin. I am so BORED of all this. Being a woman in a family house is like being at the bottom of a chute of shit.

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 11:28:59

(Predictably just got a message from ExMIL asking why I 'got rid of the dog' now! Sheesh! Trying to not let the old bag get to me! If her son had helped out a bit it might not have come to this but, despite Libby being a family dog for 5 years, has steadfastly refused to take any responsibility or help out in any friggin' way!!! All down to me! Grrrrrrrrrrrr! Bloody cross, again!)

ohcluttergotme Mon 01-Apr-13 11:57:59

Aw Purple that's so unfair! Could you just reply to mil with what you just said?? x

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 12:15:54

She knows, Clutter but she'll never admit that her DS has done anything wrong - it'll all be my fault! If he would have had her some of the weekends he had DC or if we were on a 'sleepover' one weekend or some of the holiday dates.....! When we split up, Libby had had to have a huge op (removal of her womb due to infection), she nearly died, and XP (we were still in the same house but separated at the time) agreed to her having the op and paying - oh, but that was me that ended up trying to find £900 in order for the bill to be paid! XMIL is a mad woman anyway! Has about 8 or 9 rescue dogs that are allowed on the furniture, on the beds, anywhere they choose, basically!

Still, XP has had Friday and Monday off but still didn't/hasn't seen DC any extra than a normal weekend - despite the fact he won't see them on his usual Tuesday next week and not get them until the Sat instead of the Friday as we are in Cornwall. Hope they don't put two and two together - they will be hurt.

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 12:23:24

(Update: XMIL has totally backed down due to my e-mail:

"Ohhh, I didn't 'get rid' of Libby! sad I didn't take her to the nearest re-homing shelter and 'get rid' of her! I waited until there was somewhere much better for her. Somewhere that could afford to get her to the vets as soon as she needed, somewhere that she had company all the time and somewhere that already had experience of Giant Schnauzers. These guys have no children so look after the dogs they have like they are their children. The fatty lump on her shoulder, that the groomer had clipped, got infected and I got her antibiotics and cream - but it didn't sort the problem - it needs a more (expensive) investigative treatment. Chris and Alistair already had her booked into their vets before they even met her. She was on her own here, a lot, and she really doesn't like it. Added to which, her jabs and kennel stay bill for this Cornwall holiday would come to nearly £190 - that makes it a choice between taking the children away or not.

Her last operation that I paid for was £900. I just don't have the money to pay for anything like that any more. At the time they said if she didn't have the op they would have to put her to sleep. I don't want to be in that awful position again. My benefits have been cut by approx £450 this year already, my local housing allowance has been cut and I now have to pay some council tax (despite having no more money!) and that doesn't take into consideration the rise in the cost of food, energy, diesel etc. Any job I get will just negate my benefits and I won't be any better off for working."

Her reply (sorry for any of those bored by all this stuff!!).......

"Yes I do fully understand all your reasons and it was really good that you waited and found her what sounds like a really good home for her, from the photos she has made herself at home. Believe me I know just how much it costs having dogs. It is awful when they are ill and vets more or less leave you with no option but to pay. I think the option they give amounts to blackmail as they know it is a family pet. I think you have done the right thing and she will be fine and you don’t need the added worry."

Pleased that I stuck up for myself in a way that won't cause WWIII!


ohcluttergotme Mon 01-Apr-13 13:28:12

Well done for sticking up for yourself & in what you did purple. Don't think your exmil could really argue with all rational your e-mail was. Maybe it will make her think of how unfair her son is being about everything..maybe..maybe not! Glad that things seem to be positive & hope you & dc all have a nice, relaxing holiday x

determinedma Mon 01-Apr-13 13:49:56

Well done purps on putting MIL straight.
Nothing much doing here. Been for a walk to get out of the house and try to kick start some exercise. Hate being off work while DH is here too. Bloody football on all the time and the undercurrent that things might blow any time. However, on the surface all is reasonably calm.
curry loved your line about being at the bottom of the shit chute.

Mouseface Mon 01-Apr-13 15:12:30

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Ma - not great news re your bro sad sorry that you had such a great day which was clouded by the possability that he's fucked up again. xx

Purps - tell her from ME to Get To Fuck. It's just past Fucking Cowbag Avenue, near to Fucking Twats Villas. She'll fit right in! Stupid cow. Talk about kicking someone when they are trying to do the best for everyone. Grrrr.

Curry - I must have missed why you only have the one bed and are having to sleep with DP. Are you okay sweets? I'm sorry you feel so fed up.

Your line Being a woman in a family house is like being at the bottom of a chute of shit. - what did you mean by that? Are you feeling under pressure to be all things to all people?

venus - great to see you lovely xx

Clutter - you are doing so well! Huge hurrah's for you!! xx

Well, last night was a shite one here, Nemo was up for about 3 hours with a sore tummy, managed to puke and then did the BIGGEST TRUMP you have ever heard! I rofld for ages and he sis too. The he said "Mamam, I think I just blew my tummy ache away out of the bed, where will it go?" I roared even more at that one. He went back to sleep after that so his poor little tum must have been so super sore.

We got up at 11.20am!! shock so our day is a good few hours behind, I need to go food shopping but don't want to. DH is D.I.FUCKING.Y.ING AGAIN. I even said to him, "I like to do a bit of painting, maybe I could do some?"

I NEED A BREAK. But after Easter, life is going to be bloody hard as I have got to start leaving Nemo at preschool no matter what so, I should really make the most of my time with him now.

Right, best stick my face on as not scare the Great Unwashed.

Back later Babes xxx

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 15:33:57

Oh, Mouse! Love you to bits!! Thank you for making me laugh out loud! She is THE most judgemental old bag I've ever met (and she does a social services sort of job for the services families in Cyprus!!??) and happily ignores any shortcomings on the part of her or her's!!

Hope you get some 'catch-up' sleep and maybe even a bit of painting (bloody mad woman!). Nemo will be fine. It may take a while but he will learn that even if you aren't there every minute of the day, you are always with him. xxxxxxx

aliasjoey Mon 01-Apr-13 16:03:00

Will come back later and post properly, but I just wanted to say purple what a bloody FANTASTIC email! Even if your ex-MIL hadn't backed down I bet you were so proud of sticking up for yourself!

I'm sitting here grinning at the thought of you bashing out that email (and I noticed you didn't resort to childish snipes about your ex either, you just stated the FACTS) you deserve a giant Easter Egg for that!

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 17:38:47

Bless! Feeling the love today! Thanks Joey!!! I was proud that I didn't resort to having a go at XP (even though XMIL knows the truth) in my reply e-mail! Would have loved to descend into childish shit but didn't. So happy that my lovely dog is so happy with her new family and that one of her 'Dads' has added me on his FB! I just want them to adopt me and mine, now. Huge hugs Joey! xxxxx

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 17:51:15

And thanks Clutter and Ma. DC seem to to adjusting well to the absence of the dog. XP has always abdicated his responsibilities - hence the lack of any extra contact despite him not working over the Bank Holiday weekend - and him not having them on the usual Tuesday or Friday night! It was so the right thing to do. xxx

determinedma Mon 01-Apr-13 17:55:15

mouse pmsl at the farting fish boy! Bless his poor little tum.
Things OK here - feel a little tense like things are going to blow but no real reason to.

PurpleWolfe Mon 01-Apr-13 17:59:08

Ma "Things are going to blow but no real reason to"!? Can you expand? x

determinedma Mon 01-Apr-13 19:17:59

Just, I never know when something is going to set him off these starts with a few snippy comments and then all hell breaks loose.

aliasjoey Mon 01-Apr-13 19:24:39

"Things are going to blow" oh dear ma is there a bad atmosphere? <not just a reference to Nemo grin >

Well it was a great weekend, both wedding-wise and alcohol-control-wise. Friday night I had NOTHING to drink, even though everyone else was and DH even had a hangover (unusual for him)

Saturday night, I had a couple of glasses of wine, but didn't start til after eating and managed to only have a few.

Yesterday I had no alcohol until early evening, despite being offered (free!) :
1x Bucks Fizz
2x glasses of wine
1x cava

(I did accept the cava, but put it to one side and drank it later)
(And that now makes at least 9 months of NOT drinking during the day, including Christmas smile )

Last night, I had a few glasses of wine, but less than I would have had a year or so ago. It felt a lot more controlled. And clutter you're so right it is starting to feel more 'normal' now, it's a great habit to get into.

Mind you part of the reason I didn't drink as much was we ran out of money! It's been ages since I've had a drink at a pub or restaurant, and I was shocked at the prices. Has alcohol gone up much, or was it just this little (in-the-middle-of-nowhere) hotel? I actually requested a small glass of wine, because I couldn't justify paying £5.15 for a large one! For problem drinkers who are just about in control of it, I believe a tax increase on alcohol WOULD help, it certainly made me think twice - although maybe not for uncontrolled alcoholics, I guess it would make no difference to them.

Sorry its all me, me, me - I'm just very pleased that we had a great time, and I didn't embarass myself or do anything stupid. smile

PS. Me: the problem is, I like a drink, but I'm also a cheapskate Scot and I'm not paying over £5 for a glass of wine!
DH: that's why the Scots invented whisky

This thread is not accepting new messages.