Dh and I split up weeks ago, he was physically and emotionally abusive. He begged for me to take him back but despite his promises he hasn't changed I don't know what to do anymore. I can't afford to pay stuff when he's not here. I work FT but without him I struggle financially. I know I'm weak and pathetic. Putting up with being used as a punchbag for the sake of money. Even if we split the maintenance doesn't help towards my CC bills etc. what a mess. Any advice is appreciated.
Please be gentle, he's out at the pub with friends so I'm on a knives edge waiting for him to come home. I thought I'd post in here to maybe try and find some sort if hope.
I hope so too. I feel like I have no one. I actually have no one. Just me and my 2 beautiful babies but its an uphill struggle all the time, constantly fighting against something. Since the age of 8 I've fought and fought and fought. I'm not sure I have any fight left.
I don't expect a response, it's just an outlet and stops me pacing the floor.
Thinking of you, I hope you can get real life support (police/women's aid) soon. Please try and get yourself and your babies safe. You can get help with the organising the finances from Women's Aid or the Citizens Advice Bureau.
You are definitely not pathetic! You married/are in a relationship with a man who is controlling you with fear, that makes him pathetic in my book. I am sure the first time you thought it was a one off, there were 'mitigating circumstances' and that everything would be alright. Buts its not now. Please, please, please think of the damage living in this family is doing to your children but above all think about your own right to be happy. You, nirvanan, deserve to not live in fear.
I don't even know if I want to stay, I don't know if a clean break away would be for the best. I feel totally and utterly lost, I can't think straight. What happened to the man who loved me, protected me? He's happy to show me the door without a second thought.
The house is a private rent in both our names. I need to look into the legal side of things. Working 9-5 doesn't give me much time trying to call housing etc. I've asked for a few days off this week to make phone calls etc. He is now ignoring me completely which is better than other option of getting abuse thrown at me. He's away on business on Thursday so hopefully set the wheels in motion to get the hell out of here.
Oh Nirvana you are having an awful time of it. OK, if you are just renting then there is less pressure to stay in the house apart from the hassle and stress of moving obviously, which is no mean thing. But there may be more hassle and stress getting him out of the house. I would definitely take Eggy's advice and try and find a free half hour with a solicitor. You may find his violent behaviour will work against him in this case. I would also try Women's Aid again. They can be seriously good.
Pregnancy, well if you are serious about leaving and you can make it happen soon, then I would worry about the pregnancy after you have left. For the moment I wouldn't tell him (in fact I probably wouldn't ever tell him unless you decide to keep it).
But this relationship needs to end no matter who leaves.
Giving you a ((((hug)))) too because you probably need it.