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Is he load of rubbish?

(106 Posts)
number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 12:22:10

I have nambe changed for this, sorry.
I met this bloke about 5 years ago. We hit off straight away, very passionatelly, I liked him a lot, he was chatty friendly and funny. But there where a few things that where very odd. He had lots of money, in cash in his house. And he spent it without thinking it. Of course this at the start of a relationship is fun, went out for dinners, good wines, etc. but as I wanted to get serious I started to ask why he didn't have a bank account, where did the money come from, etc. He told me (after a long persona/family/past history) that from a young age he started being involved in music industry, writing lyrics, and ths is what made him the money, he had a little part time job to "keep him in real life" hmm. Now, of course I searched googled etc. he even told me famous songs he had written. He was nowhere to be seen. One night I was at his and the door bell rang. It was his sister (whom with he had no contact) drunk, shouting at him at telling him it was crazy. I didn't hear much more that that. At the time he was very close to his mum. After a lot of thinking more questions and digs, I just didn't see it clear and I stopped contact.
Until now.
Met him again, we hit off again, the connection and chemistry is quite mind blowing. The story has changed a bit, he says he lost all his money on the crisis he has a full time job and bank accounts like normal people but he doesn't speak to his mum anymore. So we start seing each other again as naively I think he might left the odditty and mad stories behind. But its not the case, he keeps saying that he did all this stuff when young but he hated it, hated "the industry" and the way he was treated to produce money. i have researched again, the songs he says he has written are NOT on his name at all, but another famous songriter mainly. BUT, there is some song lyrics that do make sense with the past he has told me about, but of course he could be completely mental and built a big lie based on what these songs say.
There more this stuff started coming out again, the less I want to see him and now we only send the odd text to each other. But I do miss him.
Sorry this is long and it might be lots of info missing so I didn't dripfeed but I don't want to make the post even longer and messier.
But basically, is he full of bullpoo and a compulsive lier, or is it possible that he did have this weird past and he has wiped himself out from all the media...
Please dont be too harsh, I am not naive, I really like his personality and I am just hoping he is not barking mad... sad
So what do you think? WWYD??
Thanks for reading.

Its impossible to wipe yourself out from all media if you are famous.

Sounds more like drugs or something else illegal to me. I would run away and never look back if I were you , you are being lied to.

NatashaBee Sat 23-Mar-13 12:30:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeaveTheBastid Sat 23-Mar-13 12:31:22

Drugs or dealing dodgy goods.

Run and don't look back. It doesn't matter what it is he did, but he is still lying about it now and that is something you dont have to put up with. Move on.

BabyFaker Sat 23-Mar-13 12:31:27

I would do as Missy suggests.

He is lying to you.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Mar-13 12:32:22

I'd also hedge that he's into something illegal. The 'part time job' could be anything. Liars/fantasists/con-artists aren't worth wasting a second on IMHO. Often very interesting even charismatic but ultimately a massive let-down. Can't help wondering what the back-story was to the drunk 'sister' was all about.

Follow your first instincts and leave this weirdo where you found him.

dopeysheep Sat 23-Mar-13 12:33:01

Is there anyone else who knows him that you could talk to, like his sister for example? Someone who might give you a better idea of what's going on.
Sounds a tad delusional to me though, sorry.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 23-Mar-13 12:34:28

Have you ever asked him if he goes under an assumed name? Did he ever get aggressive or defensive if you pushed the subject too much?

The temptation to catch him out would have been too much for me. I would have printed out the Internet info and gone through it with him.

I absolutely hate liars.

Buddybutters Sat 23-Mar-13 12:37:57

Do you really need to ask? He's clearly as genuine as a fifteen pound note and frankly I'm aghast that anyone would think otherwise.

Redorwhitejusthaveboth Sat 23-Mar-13 12:38:32

The reason your connection with him feels so amazing and mind blowing is because he tells you what you want to hear - he is a compulsive liar who will have no qualms about bullshitting his way through every second he is with you. Get out now. I made the same mistake with a compulsive liar and the damage it did to my emotional and mental health was immeasurablehmm

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 12:38:35

I saw him at his part time job, perfectly normal, but of course that wasn't giving him all that cash.
I agree its impossible to wife yourself, but this second time he showed me a family album where his mum had altered dates and things to "protect him". Very strange.
The "drunk" sister is in FB so I could ask her easily but she really hates him apparently. I have located another one who sounds more normal and it crossed my mind asking, but I am not sure how ethic is that...
Aparently the drunk sister was a druggy when she was young and he paid for her rehab ans then because he didn't give her more money she is angry with him.
I know... sad

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 12:40:08

Wally, I think that is paret of it, I want to know the truth. I want him to stop this so I can be with him.
I haven't seen him in about 3 weeks, we only exchange a few little talk messages.

CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Mar-13 12:50:08

'His mum' had altered dates?.... hmm He's starting to sound like one of those delusional types that has various women convinced they're in MI5 or similar. I totally get your curiosity and no, I don't think it's unethical. Do the background checks by all means ... just don't entertain him as a boyfriend.

Buddybutters Sat 23-Mar-13 12:55:07

Why are you wasting so much time and head space trying to work him out?

Oh wait, don't tell me.... you have a real, like, CONNECTION. He really GETS you....

It all sounds like the plot of a bad soap. Get a grip and move on. He's bad news.

I've got a feeling though that you'll be posting in a years time going " Waaah Waaah I've found out my DPs a drug dealer and I'm worried for me and the baby Waaah"

Losingexcessweight Sat 23-Mar-13 12:57:39

Sounds to me like you ll never get a full true story out of him.

Do you really need someone with so much 'dodgy past'

If he can't tell the truth now, how can you expect him to tell the truth in the future?

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 23-Mar-13 12:58:51

Blimey Buddy that's a bit strong. The OP is very brave to post and take opinions, don't put her off.

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 12:59:46

Well, it wasn't his writing, that is for sure. I met his mum the first time round, she was very keen for him to settle with me. Oh the reason why they don't talk now is because he had his money on her name (that explaines the cash in the house to an extent, as she was giving it to him) and she spent lots of it without his consent.
God, writing this money laundering comes to mind...

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 13:03:28

Thanks Wally, that is harsh and doesnt reflect reality! I am not THAT stupid.
As I keep saying, I don't see him anymore, sent polite texts like: "roads are icy drive carefully xx" type of stuff.
It is still in my mind because I am hoping there is an explanation, I won't ever be with him if there is not.
Oh he has a kid and he has full custody, kids mum has moved on and not interested in him. Aparently. So one part of me thinks, he could only have full custody if he is normal, the other part thinks poor, poor kid... he is a lovely boy.

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 13:04:22

Sorry the drip feesing, honeslty I am writing this quicly and a bit scared of outing me in RL

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 13:05:59

Losingexcessweight, that is why I stopped contact. But it just nags me, and I guess I am just hoping that there is an explanation somehow...

Buddybutters Sat 23-Mar-13 13:08:04

Wally its clear that people like the OP arent often be affected by other people's opinions either way. Have a look through the convos. Nine times out of ten its:

OP: My BF has done a ten stretch for arson, his family all hate him and he's getting increasingly violent. Should I be worried?
Everyone: Yes! Get out!
OP: Oh but he's so nice when he hasn't got me in a headlock. And he's got self esteem issues bless him....

Blah blah blah.

Posters rarely take a blind bit of notice when people give advice they don't want to hear.

The mere fact that the OP in this thread needs to ASK if this blokes a load of rubbish indicates she's unlikely to make the sensible decision.

Buddybutters Sat 23-Mar-13 13:11:22

You've proved my point. "Hoping there's an explanation". Most women would have erased him from their lives - including texts- long ago. But you're obviously still mooning and wondering and hoping.

Good luck.

number41 Sat 23-Mar-13 13:12:09

Buddy, I wrote here because I spoke to one of my friends said "maybe he is not lying! give him a chance" and it just didn't feel right... also I though maybe someone had experience in that "industry" and knew cases like this, or indeed know that that you can't wipe yourself out of the media.
I am convinced now. The only doubt is, should I talk to one of his sisters or just leave it well alone.
Also if I find the truth and he admits it, he might be normal then? and I could consider something with him if everything was out on the open?
I am certainly not considering this with so many doubts

Buddybutters Sat 23-Mar-13 13:14:30

So if he admits he's a fantasist and that he's been lying, you'll consider that a GOOD thing?!


CogitoErgoSometimes Sat 23-Mar-13 13:18:00

If you can't get past the curiosity, do some digging. But if you find the truth and his story are very different - which seems a racing certainty - don't be too surprised. Certainly don't take the line that if you can prove he lied and he admits it this somehow makes him a good bloke...

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