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Had enough of DHs lack of attention/response

(31 Posts)
HoppinMad Thu 21-Mar-13 22:48:07

My h is a great guy, I do love him but with this issue I feel like i'm going around in circles with him. The issue being that he doesnt communicate very well when I am speaking to him regarding trivial matters, if its an important issue he will answer back and we can have a decent conversation. If its just me making small talk about what the kids and I did or any other insignificant issue he will continue watching telly/using his phone/reading his book without looking up or answering, or acknowledge my yapping without even a nod or a smile. This isnt all the time mind you, but atleast once if not a few times a day.

It pisses me right off because I am a sahm mum and have virtually no friends where we moved over three years ago, my family live 150+ miles away. dh family is nearby and they are lovely but hardly meet us so I feel increasingly isolated. I already have low self esteem and struggled to socialise so his horrible actions are making it worse. I have brought the topic up numerous times but he says he isnt aware he is doing it, hes so absorbed in what hes doing he doesnt realise i'm talking. I have to say he is not a nasty person and has a good nature but how the fuck can he not hear me??

Before i would ask him a question if he didnt respond i'd get upset but leave it at that. Now il repeat myself a few times and eventually get a half hearted reply. As if i'm disturbing him soo much from the extremely important game on his fuckin phone! I've even tried staying quiet snd then he has asked me why, so ive told him. He promises to be more attentive but its back to square one. Am starting to wonder is it me? Am i that bloody boring?

Dottiespots Sat 23-Mar-13 02:07:03

I understand how you feel but your husband does listen to the really important stuff you said but he zones out the other stuff that is just you needing to talk to an adult. Hes not meaning to be rude he just doesnt really hear you. Alot of men are like this. They need to be left alone for an hour or so when they come home so they can just come too I find and I think what you really really could do with is to find some friends of your own that you can chat to as much as you want cause most of us love a good natter.

Blending Sat 23-Mar-13 15:01:57

I actually mentioned your thread to Dh and he said that small things like being asked questions about his day made the difference from his pov. He really couldn't get excited about the small stuff and couldn't help his reactions.

But I think we would have felt a bit too forced unless doing something whilst talking, so if you don't eat together what about something like playing cards? Or a board game and a glass of wine/bucket of g&t/beer? Delete as appropriate.

I can still feel the helplessness of being ignored, grunted at,the vacant stare etc I know he's a good man, and does more than his share, and I understand that he doesn't want a stream of consciousness blurted out the minute he gets home

Blending Sat 23-Mar-13 15:03:44

Sorry pressed too soon!

This way has worked for us and has improved or relationship

I really hope something works for you x

HoppinMad Sat 23-Mar-13 16:03:56

Thanks yes I see what you mean, I would rather have a friend to natter with about the small stuff but I've really struggled to meet like minded non-flaky people since I moved and thats a whole other thread! But I consider him my best friend and lifelong buddy so it hurts that he cant muster even abit of enthusiasm for my small talk. Good idea about the card/board games, we have a wii which is gathering dust we could play that on days he isnt too tired. Neither of us drink.

He is very bad with eye contact. Its not just him though, all his siblings and DF too, i've always found it incredibly strange and rude esp when we first met but its the way he is. Quiet by nature and rather shy. I think its all linked together. In fact they can be a little unresponsive too [confusing]

This lack of response/acknowledgement seems not as uncommon as I thought after coming on here! You may laugh but do you think its a genetic trait or a product of their upbringing?

Blending Sat 23-Mar-13 19:55:01

The Wii is a good idea.

Perhaps being a little sexist here, but I think its just a male thing...come in tired from work, want to go into his cave and switch off from the world etc I used to think that was a load of baloney, but it really is true for my DH,

Good luck!

Dottiespots Sun 24-Mar-13 00:00:41

Yep, its just a man thing. They like to switch off from the small mundane stuff which some of them see as "white noise" but if they listen to the big stuff when you need them too then all is well. Just come on here and start threads about the day to day small stuff. Others do, and then you can have a good old girlie natter (with some men joining in of course ) and everyones happy and youll probably find your other half will ask if your ok.....why....cause you dont say much to him any more ha ha ha.

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