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Caught my husband out he has been seeing someone else.

(441 Posts)
Inrealshock Thu 21-Mar-13 09:41:50

Name change for me as i am so devastated. Hes on a business trip at the moment but was sent random texts between her and himfor the prior 48 hours which somehow i think maybe because if icloud landed on my ipad including a naked phot of herself which she had sent him. He replied shes a 10/10 and perfect - shes a good 10 years younger than me. They were planning to meet in a restaurant and go on to a hotel room. The last year I have suffered from breast cancer and had various operations and i know that it all strted in December when i was just bck from hospital after my fourth operation. He knows I know and is getting a flight home this morning. I hardly slept last night and am holding it together for the kids. I have though in a fierce rage cut up numerous suits ties and shirts. From the conversations we have had he is blaming the cancer as having affected him. I have done my best to make him happy we do have a sex life but my body and breasts are scarred from all the operations including a mastectomy and reconstruction. I felt i had turned a corner with the cancer which was only diagnosed last July - his fling with her started in December - he assures me it was just kissing but i know they had a hotel room lined up. Sorrybfor the rambling - he gets back at luchtime - what shall i do ?

Mosman Wed 27-Mar-13 23:47:53

Such s great post C x

cjel Thu 28-Mar-13 20:33:34

Wow just checked in tonight and couldn't believe all your nice replies. Thank you (I think I may ave something in my eye) How are you today OP?x

LifeMovesOn Thu 28-Mar-13 22:18:54

You sound so much stronger smile

My friend had a particularly aggressive form of breast cancer diagnosed two years ago. Whilst her husband wasn't cheating on her, their life together was governed by his oppressive, moody and unpleasant nature. When she found out about her cancer, she went home and told him, explained she had to go into hospital for a mastectomy, followed by chemo and radiography. his reply was not to offer support, but to ask "who would be cooking his tea, then?".

She spent the night thinking about it and realised that if she survived her cancer, she didn't want to be married to this person any more. And if she died, she didn't want to be married to him either.

She was divorced before the end of her treatment and has never been happier.

She decided life was too short to put up with constantly being second best. Her two sons supported her and are very happy for her, they finally saw what their father's priority was - himself - and that mum was their true hero.

Keep true to yourself, is her motto x

cjel Thu 28-Mar-13 22:26:06

I just remembered that I found a breast lump once. I took 3 days to pluck up courage to tell DH. He didn't even stop shaving and said what are you telling me for go and see dr. I did,got referred asked if he could take me to hosp appt. he said yes but never spoke about it - ever all the time we waited for appt, at the hosp or when we came out. He said it was too hard for him!! This was all in the context of my DS having it when she was in her 30s. I forgot how crap he was!!

fengirl1 Thu 28-Mar-13 22:36:15

Cjel, that has brought to mind the occasion when I took my two week old to the drs and then to the hospital as we (my x and me) had realised she didn't appear to be able to see anything.... He just said 'you'll be all right on your own wont you' - for that read 'I'm gutless and can't face it so I'll let you deal with it alone'. As it turns out, she's not totally blind, but does have a severe visual impairment. The pattern was repeated many times over the subsequent years.

cjel Fri 29-Mar-13 11:05:19

Isn' t it amazing what the 'weak - ill - mental'partner deals with !!!

Inrealshock Fri 29-Mar-13 18:20:14

Feeling a bit stronger but still very confused. I want to forgive him but not sure I can. We are going on holiday now so i doubt i will post anything for the next couple of weeks. Thank you so much everyone for all your help. I have had so much kindness from so many strangers this year that it is quite overwhelming.

newbiefrugalgal Fri 29-Mar-13 19:59:44

Enjoy your holiday, I hope you things become a bit clearer or that you can get some rest and space!

Thisisaeuphemism Fri 29-Mar-13 20:08:13

Have a lovely relaxing time and know that Mumsnet is supporting you all the way.

badinage Fri 29-Mar-13 20:18:29

Have a really good break, love. Carve out some thinking time for yourself and make sure that drama llama does most of the donkey work.

twolittlemonkeys Fri 29-Mar-13 22:11:33

Enjoy your holiday and yes, as others said, make sure you allow plenty of time for yourself. We're all behind you.

onefewernow Fri 29-Mar-13 22:26:06

Have a good break and Erving letting him do the slog .

saragaareth Mon 11-May-15 00:14:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MyPreciousRing Mon 11-May-15 00:37:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

differentnameforthis Mon 11-May-15 04:39:34

From the conversations we have had he is blaming the cancer as having affected him. My friend has recently had a double mastectomy after her third breast cancer discovery. She is in the final throws of reconstruction, having tattoos placed.

This has been going on for years. NOT ONCE has her dh cheated/almost cheated/whatever.

He is blaming you op, indirectly saying "if you hadn't have cancer, I wouldn't have done it"

He's an arse.

BifsWif Mon 11-May-15 07:46:11

Zombie thread

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