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Any advice appreciated

7 replies

3stars · 21/03/2013 06:50

I have posted on here few times recently,just after others thoughts really-I find my h behaviour quite strange. We fell out couple weeks ago now,after few years of being unhappy I have finally got some legal advice and am seriously considering my options:(. It's my husbands ability to just move on and forget,he acts like everything is fine when it's not-I am barely speaking to him simply because I just can't see the point,he does not want to talk out our problems, by ignoring he thinks it will be forgotten - this may be partly my fault as in the past I have moved on,but this time I can't,we have had too many fall outs now and he has not done anything to change anything and I can't do this anymore:( trouble is that I wonder if its me as he is so unaffected? Hope this makes sense,thank you for reading

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BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail · 21/03/2013 06:55

Hi 3stars. I'm sorry you're having a difficult timw.
I have no words of practical advice, but just wanted you to know that it's not you. I could have written this post about my ex. I could never get over a row like he could and that in itself would cause further problems because it pissed him off that I was still 'sulking' 3 hours later.

Would you want to sort things out if he agreed? If you were to suggest counselling I'm presuming he wouldn't want to?

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3stars · 21/03/2013 07:03

Thank you for your reply.i think I have gone past wanting to make it work,I have tried so many times to talk and each time I am hopeful things will change but they don't and now I just don't care-sounds awful I know-but I just can't be bothered anymore,his attitude seems to be nothing matters and I just don't feel he takes responsibility for his actions-he thinks its acceptable to sit at computer all evening,ignore us all then just carry on as if its ok-it's not, there is more to this in my other posts,sounds silly when I read it all back but I have just lost the will and its a horrible way to feel:((

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/03/2013 07:40

You are past caring and, from what you describe, so is he. I think that's all that's going on here. People are most disconnected when they feel no affinity with the other person. You can't be bothered. He can't be bothered. Think that's what they call 'the end'.

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Gingerandcocoa · 21/03/2013 08:04

I know it's the obvious question, but have you tried couples counselling? Do you think he would agree to?
It might be helpful for him to hear from an independent party about how his actions are affecting your marriage.

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3stars · 21/03/2013 08:15

Counselling is something I don't think he would consider,I have had counselling in the past alone and it's helped me but I think I am past it for our situation now,I know I sound really negative:(

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/03/2013 08:17

If you're past caring and he's past caring, don't stretch things out with meaningless stabs at counselling. It's just prolonging the inevitable. End it quickly & constructively and move on before the resentment really takes hold.

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3stars · 21/03/2013 09:39

Thank you for your replies-you are right, I really don't think he cares either:(it's the ability to carry on and ignore it all as if all is ok that i can't understand, I am so cross,angry,upset etc and he appears to be fine-one extreme to the other! I know what I have to do, it's just doing it now really, I almost wonder if that's what he is waiting for -then it will be my fault. Thank you all🌸