H has been ill with depression on and off all adult life. We have been married for 9 years and have young children. His depression has been bad this year, we have struggled "together" to keep everything going. He has now, out of nowhere just walked out on us. He said it was to give him space, that he had realised lots of stuff about himself during his counselling etc and that he had been much worse than he had let on and needed to get himself better. A week later it comes out he has another woman. Apparently they have only started to have feelings since we split the week before but have been friends as far as I can tell (secret kind of friends!) for 6 months ish? She is in a similar situation re mental health issues and also has children and a husband.
It is like my H has had a total personality transplant.
I am doing all the trying to get my house in order as it were so I can try and support the children (I'm a sahm) but when I actually think about "it" I am totally confused and tie myself up in knots
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leftfootrightfoot · 20/03/2013 14:43
OK, so he's said that he needed "alone" time to feel better, and now you're beating yourself up because of the negative effect that had on you as a couple? That's utter bullshit, you know that, don't you?
I have to admit that I wonder whether or not he is actually depressed or if he is using that as an excuse - it takes a lot for me to say that - everyone is different and can react in different ways, sure. But this sounds like it is true to the script - "I'm depressed and she understands me - it isn;'t my fault" 
"they think he isn't thinking straight "
Of course he's thinking straight. He's thinking 'me want new woman'.... very few brain cells required for that, mostly located in the dangly thing between his legs... 'Depressed' my eye.
He can manage to facilitate a sexual relationship with a shiny new partner, but can't cope with his own kids
He's certainly done a number on you, hasn't he ?
I expect you have carried this man for years, and you are still carrying despite him treating you like a disposable domestic appliance
Wake up, love
When are you going to stop mothering him?
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You are a single mum, honey - he's walked out on you and left you to parent your dc by yourself.
If you can resist the temptation to rewrite history you'll look back and see that, effectively, you've been a single parent to your dc since they first came into this world and the only difference now is that you no longer have to be distracted from your purpose by the need to parent a self-obsessed manchild.
I don't want to be on my own and don't think I'll find anyone else
Now that you are on your own, you can live life on your own terms and it could be you'll come to enjoy liberation so much, you won't want anyone else.
It's usually at this point that fate conjures up the spectre of sod's law and you find yourself with the task of choosing between a number of equally eligible suitors who have been drawn to your positive energy like moths to the proverbial flame 
Life's short - don't miss out on this opportunity to make yours the fulfilling and rewarding adventure it was always intended to be.
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