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Has anyone 'overcome' a low sex drive?

(18 Posts)
HaveAGoodDay Tue 19-Mar-13 22:11:40

My sex drive basically disappeared when my dd was born 8 yrs ago. I've never felt 'horny' not once since then. I've been married for 10 years & we also have a ds who is 4 yrs old.

The lack of sex is obviously putting a huge amount of strain on our marriage. My husband has a high sex drive so is feeling very frustrated. I just feel dead in that way, I feel tired all the time, I'm on several different tablets for migraine prevention, the kids are demanding at the best of times & my husband isn't the easiest person to live with.

I feel sad to think I'll never want to have sex ever again. Why don't I get that 'horny' feeling anymore? It's like a switch has been turned off - I use to have such a high sex drive, but now, nothing. The birth of my dd went ok, the birth IOC my son was quick!

I'm not a very tactile person either. My husband likes to kiss, all day if he could, whereas I'm not bothered.

Has anyone else felt like this before got through it and got their sex drive back? If so HOW???!! Help!

HaveAGoodDay Tue 19-Mar-13 22:13:02

IOC? That should be the birth of my son!

Dragonwoman Tue 19-Mar-13 22:20:38

Are you on hormone based contraceptives? I found that after having children this happened to me if I take the pill or mini pill.

RatPants Tue 19-Mar-13 22:23:02

I have but weirdly enough it was the attention of another man which kick-started mine. Obviously it wasn't reciprocated but it kind of reminded me that I was an attractive woman and other men still saw me as sexy even though dh just saw me slobbibg round the house in my pyjamas with the babies on a day basis. I think sometimes when you become a mother it's easy to forget who you were before and that was when my sex drive took a dip.

Not really sure I could sensibly advise finding yourself an admirer though!grin

CointreauVersial Tue 19-Mar-13 22:24:41

Watching, and hoping someone has the magic answer......

In my case, it's definitely hormonal. I'm 46 and peri-menopause is in full swing.

Snowme Wed 20-Mar-13 00:50:01

There's your answer and it's really simple ^^ it's Hormonal.

You need to kick start that Seratonin, Dopamine and Oxytocin again.
Many medications and the Pill annihilate those chemicals, but you can also help yourself with visualisation, remembering yourself as an attractive and sexualised individual (don't quote me on this cheese, it's secondhand!) and what made you attracted to your husband in the beginning.

Or, get yourself a new crush. It all starts in the mind and it's harmless if you don't act on it wink

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Mar-13 06:36:23

I got through it... by losing the husband. Sorry.

Kione Wed 20-Mar-13 07:46:42

marking my spot

monkeyfacegrace Wed 20-Mar-13 07:50:37

If you dont use it, you lose it.

Try really hard just to do it.
Every day for a week.

Worked for me, I went from faking it to actually really wanting it.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Wed 20-Mar-13 08:38:58

Yes. I got testosterone patches when my libido died after being on the injection for so long (which depletes your testosterone levels, which causes arousal etc)

Used them for a few months and worked amazingly, stopped now as it gave my body the kick start to make its own now smile

milk Wed 20-Mar-13 08:59:48

"my husband isn't the easiest person to live with"

I think this is more of an issue than your lack of sex drive!!!

OhWhatAPalaver Wed 20-Mar-13 09:17:06

i was in a similar situation but i think ours is improving slightly, our DD is still only 15 months but i didn't feel any desire for sex at all while pregnant or breastfeeding. i stopped bfing at around 13 months and since then i have noticed a definite change in the way i feel. it's nothing major yet but something is changing and me and DP have had really good sex a couple of times now. it was putting immense strain on our relationship and still does sometimes.
my advice would be go to the gp about this as more often than not there is an underlying hormonal cause for these things. obviously being pregnant an bfing puts strain on your body and if the sex drive doesn't recover properly afterwards i personally think it is down to hormones. i was going to go the gp had mine not started getting better when i stopped bfing, i feel like there is some improvement, although DP is still pissed off if i don't want sex when he does!

OhWhatAPalaver Wed 20-Mar-13 09:18:13

oh, and my DP is not the easiest person to live with either!

HaveAGoodDay Wed 20-Mar-13 10:56:52

Thanks for the replies!

I'm not on the pill as with my headaches it puts me at higher risk of having a stroke. But I am on a few meds, high dose of one anti depressant which is used for headache prevention & another tablet that is used to treat epilepsy & another for high blood pressure & finally oestrogen patches - hrt- all purely for migraine prevention/pain management - & I started taking all of them way after my sex drive vanished so I don't think they could of caused loss of libido.

Girlwiththelionheart - you mention you had testosterone patches, were they prescribed from your GP? I have heard of them but was kind of apprehensive about them, thought they might cause you to grow a beard or hairy chest or deepen your voice, you get my drift?!

I don't have much self-esteem. I don't feel very sexy, I don't & never really have felt pretty but I don't dwell on it all the time. Hubby says he loves me as I am. I've obviously put weight on after having kids, but I'm not hugely overweight. I just think if I could get over this obstacle then they're would be a lot less tension in the house & I'd feel happier for a start, like I can start being me again & feeling alive again.

themonsteratemyspacebar Wed 20-Mar-13 11:13:40

Im another vote for the use it or lose it philosophy!
I really dont have a high sex drive, i wouldnt be bothered if i didnt have sex again and im only 25, i have a friend like this too.
But i make an effort to actually have sex, even if im not really into it to start with. Then afterwards i always think, 'i should do this more often it feels great!'
Should maybe give it a try, you never know you may just enjoy yourself.....

FaceLikeAPickledOnion Wed 20-Mar-13 11:53:35

Personally my sex drive has had more ups and downs than a fiddlers elbow.
Things that make my sex drive low are, tiredness, contraceptives (injection, implant), not getting on with Dh, being stressed (but strangely when Dh is stressed he wants more sex), having too many other things to do so sex isn't a priority, ill or not sleeping well children.
Things that increase my sex drive, turning 30 made me go mad for it, don't know why hormones? Reading a romantic or steamy book, watching a romantic, love story film, sexting Dh, wearing sexy undies and not telling Dh then wait to surprise him in bed, a massage, having more frequent sex, rude dreams, opportunity.

We've been together 15 years, have 2dc. Relationships and sexual relationships are hard work. Sometimes too much hard work and it can't be salvaged no matter what you do.
Do you actually want a sex life with your Dh? Or are you happy to go without?
I do think its important in my relationship with Dh, and sometimes the glue that holds us together.

GirlWiththeLionHeart Wed 20-Mar-13 15:38:01

Nope none of those side effects fortunately grin

They don't put a load of testosterone into your body, just enough to kick start your body to start making it itself. All women and men have testosterone.

My Gp did a test then prescribed the cream which didnt work so tried patches

Chinchilla85 Thu 20-Nov-14 22:08:33

Hi there. I know this is a really old thread, but just wondering OP...are the migraine tabs ur taking called topamax/topiramate?

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