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Husband just told me its over

(35 Posts)
Georgebooboo Tue 19-Mar-13 02:13:44

I'm panicking .. I've got a five month old little boy and I've just returned to work after maternity leave. Things we me and my husband haven't been right since I was pregnant. For some reason he just changed . Now he says we just don't gel and we make each other miserable. He wants out!! I'm so scared.. All I wanted was to be a family but seems like that isn't good enough for him. I don't know how I will manage on my own. I still love him and I'm scared I won't be able to manage alone and financially. Please hold my hand x

zippey Thu 21-Mar-13 09:25:11

I would try and be as practical as possible and it might help keep your mind off things. I would try not to contact him either, and show him how strong you are. If he wants to contact you, he knows where you are.

Just don't understand how he could just walk out on me and my little boy - he has done it before with his previous relationship and children so he has form.

PureQuintessence Thu 21-Mar-13 09:33:07

Poor you. What a shit.

Have you thought about seeing a solicitor?

Georgebooboo Fri 22-Mar-13 08:55:25

Thanks for all the support. I managed a day at work yesterday , didn't get much done but everyone was really supportive. He was supposed to collect all of his things yesterday and leave the key but he hasn't . He's been left lots of things and not left the key. Prolonging the crap

MissPricklePants Fri 22-Mar-13 09:02:03

Ah this was me a few years ago. dd was 16 weeks when my ex left (for the 3rd and final time) I hope you are coping ok, I went into autopilot and was a mess for a while. He can contact you if he wants, just focus on your baby and yourself. You will get through this.

pod3030 Fri 22-Mar-13 09:03:47

Set bounderies straight away- it makes you the one in control. demand the key, pack his stuff up and leave it outside if he won't collect it. cut him off at the root.

I second concentrating on practical stuff, benefits you may be entitled to, making an appt with solicitor, etc.

also, be kind to yourself. you are doing great and you will get through this. better to find out what a fw he is now when ds is small, than when he's got more understanding of the situation . x

TrickyTreeLou Fri 22-Mar-13 15:42:49

So sorry to hear you're going through this George.

My H walked out suddenly one day when I was at work. He 'couldn't do it anymore'. He subsequently told me (after days of lying) that he was living with his mistress who was 5 months pregnant. I had no idea he had been having an affair. Add to this I found out I was pregnant just after he left. He texted me say I should abort as it wasn't 'convenient'.

I am now 39 1/2 weeks pregnant, facing birth and parenthood on my own (with help from family and friends of course). STBXH, who I was with for 10 years, has said he doesn't want to know anything about the child for the next few months as it would be upsetting to his current partner.

This is not how I imagined my life would be. I'm scared and there's been some shit points. But I've figured it's best that I'm better off without such a bastard in my life and in the life of my unborn son.

You deserve SO much better and I'm sending you lots of good wishes. I've had amazing support on MN (some of it I've really not wanted to hear at times), and I would recommend you post on here as often as possible to get things off your chest. I would also advocate no or minimal contact with you H, it has worked for me - stops them screwing with you mind.

Look after yourself. thanks

chocoreturns Fri 22-Mar-13 22:06:08

I second everything lou says, minimal contact, all in writing. Nothing by phone or text. Change your number if you need to, send a letter via solicitor letting him know that you are willing to discuss contact arrangements for your son (I know that sounds scary, but make sure it's all official, because it will help in the long run if you can).

I practised writing to my twunt. Letter 1: venting... Letter 2: removing all emotional content (ie everything that called him a bastard or said anything about my feelings)... Letter 3: Stripping it down again so that it was just the bare bones of fact. Contact is offered at XXX time in XXX venue. Please respond in writing to confirm. That kind of thing. It nearly bloody killed me but it's been for the best in the end. I've not had to apologise for a single damn thing and he's been shown up as a twunt of the highest order when he's not behaved as well.

He (and any OW should one crawl out of the woodwork at a later stage) are quite literally beneath your dignity.

Georgebooboo Sun 24-Mar-13 09:31:07

Thank u for all of your replies, it's been six days since he left and I think I'm still in shock . I really can't believe this has happened. I don't feel like I knew him at all. Anyone got any good advice about how to get through the next few weeks without going mad x

angel1976 Sun 24-Mar-13 09:41:22

Get all the support you can now from your close friends, this is the time you need them. My 'D'H dropped the bombshell our marriage is dead a month ago and he wants to leave (he is looking at flats nearby now). I am still reeling from the shock (he told me exactly a week ago that he cannot see us working ever again despite promising initially to work on it). I have had 3-4 close friends (including my next-door neighbour) whom I see almost on a daily basis and they are letting me vent and keeping some form of normality in my life and also distraction. You will get through this, and in six months' time, things will be much better (this is what a friend told me last night... And what I am holding on to).

TrickyTreeLou Sun 24-Mar-13 13:51:25

Agree with Angel, try not to spend too much time on your own during the first few days/weeks. You are in shock and you need company and people to talk to - or even someone to just sit and watch some TV with and to make you a cup of tea. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Also, remember to eat and drink. I know it's so hard, but you need to keep your strength up. Little and often is best.

I know you wonder now how you'll cope without him, but in a few months you will wonder how you coped with him.

It DOES get better, but you have to go through this shit bit first.

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