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Very recently ex and close mutual friend 'seeing' each other

(41 Posts)
missmaryp Sun 17-Mar-13 22:25:44

I kind of expected it.

But the thing is - we split up after 4 years together, amicably, just a few weeks ago (my decision ultimately after a couple of years of him being grumpy/unaffectionate etc) and he is still living here. He is due to move out at the end of the month. In to a shared house - with her!

It's almost funny.

He's just got back from a weekend away and told me their happy news.

Am I being unreasonable by being very angry? In a day or so I'll be fine. But right now, he can't understand why I've asked him to sleep downstairs (we've just been 'existing' next to each other in our bed) and why I am so angry.

I feel like it's just SO soon. Too soon. It hurts. Just because I decided I'd had enough doesn't mean I'm not grieving for our failed relationship too.


SolidGoldBrass Mon 18-Mar-13 01:47:58

Actually, sorry but YAB a bit U. You have dumped him. You no longer want him as your partner. It's not your business who he has sex with. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt to see him move on quickly, but it's a little unfair for you to attack him for doing so when you dumped him.

eccentrica Mon 18-Mar-13 15:55:17

It is her business who he has sex with if he's sleeping in her bed!

It could be infectious!!

GirlWiththeLionHeart Mon 18-Mar-13 15:59:36

Tell him to get out

JustinBsMum Mon 18-Mar-13 16:03:25

I don't think you will lose anything by saying you'd like him out now as, 'happily' , he has a 'nice' home to go to as you feel ready to move on and it is just dragging things out as they stand. And pack his bags.

schobe Mon 18-Mar-13 16:04:52

Oh come ON, do you really buy the fact that they have 'just got together'? But he is coincidentally moving into the same house as her.

I know I'm a negative bugger but I'd be thinking (a) it was planned prior to your break-up, and/or (b) it's actually been going on for ages, potentially years.

He's just conveniently got you to do the dirty work of actually making the break, so he gets to be the injured party and presumably entirely fault-free.

Agree with TSC - turf him out sharpish.

LittleMissCupcakes Mon 18-Mar-13 16:06:05

I don't think YABU, my ex started dating before he moved out, it wasn't anyone I knew and I was hurt enough. No, I didn't want him any more, yes he's entitled to move on but at least have the decency to wait until you've moved out...

Mumsyblouse Mon 18-Mar-13 16:38:14

You dumped him because he was unaffectionate- now you know why! I would ask him to move out immediately, it's just taking the piss to have him stay.

Also, presumably you are upset and sad that this didn't work out. So, you need some privacy and time to get upset and move on. He can stay at hers.

Flisspaps Mon 18-Mar-13 16:46:00

HIBU for thinking he can come back from a jolly with his new partner and then crawl back into bed with his ex (albeit with nothing happening)

I would expect him to move out immediately. Even though you've split up, with him still around and sleeping in your bed, it won't feel real until he's actually gone - I suspect it feels very much like life post-split has sort of carried on as normal until this point.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Mar-13 17:11:18

Why have you disappeared, OP ?

izzyizin Mon 18-Mar-13 17:43:26

I suggest you give your 'close mutal friend' a call to congratulate her on acquiring such a prize twat.

I would envisage the conversation going along the lines of 'I'm so pleased you and shitface <his name> have got it together but here's the thing, it really doesn't seem at all right or proper that he should continue to sleep with me in my bed and I was wondering if you can accomodate him as from tonight?'' and then sit back and let him explain to her why sleeping on your sofa is not an option.

OneMoreGo Mon 18-Mar-13 17:48:01

EXACTLY what izzy said. You should so do this.

missmaryp Mon 18-Mar-13 19:59:28

Sorry - didn't disappear, have just been at work etc.

There have been lots of angry emails and texts today. One to the 'friend' who replied in a completely unapologetic 'I'm happy to talk to you about this' kind of way. I don't want to talk to her. Trouble is, we share an active and wonderful friendship group.

The ex has been saying how he'll stop the relationship because he doesn't want to hurt me etc - I've told him there's no point. There really isn't. They've done the damage to our friendships already because of the callous speed. If this was just a few months, maybe even a month, down the line - I'd understand (or at least be a lot MORE understanding) because I half expected something to happen anyway. And ultimately, I want them to be happy I suppose.

If only they hadn't gone about it quite the way they have. But hey, why should I get everything my way?

AnyFucker Mon 18-Mar-13 20:14:12

glad you are ok

izzyizin Mon 18-Mar-13 22:34:50

Trouble is, we share an active and wonderful friendship group

Much as I'm tempted to say 'not any more, you don't', it's to be hoped that your sound commonsense together with other members can work to ensure that you can both continue to derive benefit from the group.

However, if he hasn't agreed to move out tonight/tomorrow or sleep on your sofa, I am urge you to bring yourself to appraise her of this state of affairs otherwise you may find you have additional cause for regret should he be able to take further advantage of your trusting nature, as it were.

MaBumble Tue 19-Mar-13 00:13:26

this happened to me, my ex slept with 2 friends after we split up. One more of an acquaintance, but central to a new group of friends I had made just prior to the split (she felt awkward so I stopped being invited on nights out etc), the other a very close friend who chose to fall out with me on a pretext rather than just bloody tell me - so that removed that source of support I needed at a tricky time

That's what I was pissed off about. Not that they slept together, I truly didn't care, but that he was removing sources of social and emotional support I needed after becoming a single mum.

Looking back I sometimes think he did it deliberately, so that I would take him back. I was thriving without him and that would never do .... didn't work mind smile

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa Tue 19-Mar-13 00:57:37

Sleeping in your bed whilst getting together with someone else

I cannot even express how bizarre and weird that is. Surely she can't know that; what a solid and romantic start to their relationship. I'd be tempted to let it slip out but that wouldn't be taking the moral highground and I've heard thats more satisfying in the long run.

Get him out now!

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