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So now ex-bf has phoned social services to voice his concerns :(

(64 Posts)
BriAndLottie Sun 17-Mar-13 20:12:34

Some of you may have seen my thread last week about my ex-bf telling DD's preschool he had reason to believe I was taking illegal substances again (after a spell at 15/16 when we were together, and a relapse a year later before I found out I was pregnant with DD). I was advised by my solicitor to stop contact (every other weekend overnight) for the time being, which led to him coming round and camping out on our doorstep refusing to move until I let him see DD- we called the police and he was arrested, cautioned and released the next morning.

He's just texted my foster mum, who I still live with, to say he's phoned social services and they're very concerned, and to tell me I should expect a visit soon.

I feel so helpless sad

BriAndLottie Tue 19-Mar-13 19:01:48

Lueji- it's fine, I jumped on it a bit, sorry blush I end up having to defend the decisions I made as a teenager quite a lot and I can get a bit defensive unnecessarily, sorry.

ex-bf picked DD up from her dance class a couple of weeks ago, which she had this evening. When I picked her up today her teacher (she wasn't there last week, so this was the first time I'd seen her since ex-bf picked DD up) took me to one side and said ex-bf had been behaving 'strangely' when he picked DD up two weeks ago, not out-of-control drunk but not completely normally either IYSWIM, she thought it best to mention it to me. She's going to make a note of it in case it could be useful later, depending on what he does next.

I've done the same with her dance school as I have with preschool- shown proof he has no PR and said therefore no one is to pick DD up execpt myself or my foster mum (it's a small, local school and all the teachers know both of us, so should be OK).

Lueji Tue 19-Mar-13 19:44:55

That's good, getting those around on the case.

Most of these men are actually cowards, and it's not likely he'll actually want more than a few hours.

Try to stay calm and not let his threats affect you, because that's what he wants.

maidmarian2012 Tue 19-Mar-13 19:49:01

This happened to me, DS2 idiot Dad reported me to SS. I got a letter. I rang them straight away, everyone on here is right. Welcome them, show them hw you live, be proud of how you live. Show them you are a good Mum.

They will know he is being a dickhead.

Goldmandra Thu 21-Mar-13 08:34:40

You're doing really well under difficult circumstances Bri.

Definitely welcome SS into your home. They are the people who can back you up. They can tell any court that they have investigated the allegations, that you are a good mum who provides well for her child and puts her child's needs at the centre of everything. Nobody can accuse them of being biased.

Just be calm and honest if they visit.

I second the advice about being careful not to speak negatively about your ex in front of your DD. If you need to speak about him being arrested, etc, arrange for her to be out of earshot first. You can say that there are things you'd like to say but can't because your DD is present.

Just keep going as you are, keeping up the routine for your DD and getting legal advice whenever there are any developments. MN is good for common sense advice but don't rely on it. Use your solicitor.

If your user name reflects your real one(s) you should consider changing it.

TooYappy Thu 21-Mar-13 09:04:30

Hi Bri, My X did this to me his allegations were:

I am a heroin addict
My house is full of drugs and addicts
I am an alcoholic
I am dirty
DC are dirty
I drive around drunk with my DC in the car and crash
Poor dental hygiene

I missed the word allegation when the SW came to my door, I thought he wanted access so she came in and I fell into a rant about him not leaving us alone and why he couldn't have contact and we chatted for around an hour before I even realised she was out as he had made the above allegations.

She was lovely & advised me keep doing as I am and keep him away from the DC. Then as it was the week before Xmas came back with chocolate.

Tbh it was the poor dental hygiene which annoyed me the most I'm terrified of the dentist but we had been 6 weeks pre-visit for our 6 month check. Idiotic man.

I have been accused of many things in 2.5 years but offered to do DNA tests, handwriting analysis, go to Court re: DC but he never ever takes me up on anything.

Try not to worry and make a Dairy of everything, mine is an A4 folder full now, but it all build up a picture for whenever it does/if it does eventually go to Court.

Texts cannot be used as evidence as they can be altered which I find utter nonsense as most messages are sent by text hence my ex having no numbers for me anymore. I have a phone which tells a very interesting story (all him texting) which cannot be used.

flippinada Thu 21-Mar-13 10:09:53

So sorry this has happened Bri, it must be very stressful for you.

Horrible as it is, the kind of behaviour he's displaying is all grist to the mill. Abusive text messages, malicious reports to to ss? Not only is he nasty, he's also thick.

You on the other hand come across a bright, thoughtful young woman and a loving mum who is doing her very best in extremely difficult circumstances.

candyandyoga Fri 05-Apr-13 07:22:39

Any news op?

candyandyoga Wed 17-Apr-13 07:23:59

It would be nice if op's bothered to update for people who have invested their time trying to help?!

MadCap Wed 17-Apr-13 07:54:52

OP doesn't owe you any explanations Candy. Stop rubbernecking on other peoples' misery. Bad form.

candyandyoga Wed 17-Apr-13 21:04:52

Not rubbernecking at all. Just want to know that she is ok!

AngelinaJoliesBeard Wed 17-Apr-13 21:41:28

There's nicer ways to ask if you are actually concerned hmm

candyandyoga Wed 01-May-13 20:27:02

Just odd that op hasn't come back!

elfycat Wed 01-May-13 20:41:45

Have you pm'd her to ask if she's OK, and let her know you are thinking of her? imo it would be OK to ask if she feels able to do a follow up comment on this thread. But that is my imo and she may not feel the need/be able to.

Lweji Wed 01-May-13 20:58:33

Lots of people don't update on threads. It's their right. smile

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