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Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

(933 Posts)
Herrena Sat 16-Mar-13 12:25:15

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

shock What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

trustissues75 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:09:27

"You've told XXX about it? Oh, now the whole of town will know!!! What will the neighbours think!" DM to me when I was 20 and had run home from an abusive relationship, pregnant, and booked in for an abortion the following week. She still to this day denies she said that and I just imagined it....

trustissues75 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:12:02

Oh, and another corker..

"Why didn't you tell us you were miscarrying We had no idea what was going on."
"Because, mum, it was Christmas, all the family were here, I'd been to the hospital and there was nothing they could do for me, and |I didn't want to talk about it."
"But it would have made us feel so much better if you had..."

LesserOfTwoWeevils Sat 16-Mar-13 17:14:41

DM, when I split up with the father of my DCS: "Oh well, you were always difficult to live with." hmm

DuchessFanny Sat 16-Mar-13 17:16:45

" well you were stronger than your brother, so you could take it " there's so much more i could add, and much worse than this statement, but this has stuck with me for some reason - i wasn't particularly strong, just hardened to it. I fell apart when i met my DH and could 'rely' on someone .....

trustissues75 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:19:35

Lesser...I've had that too!!!!! My DM said that after I told her that my EX had ground chips and curry into my face...obviously I had done something to deserve it. Funny thing is...she came from a household where he father regularly beat her mother black and blue!!!

greeneyed Sat 16-Mar-13 17:20:32

duchess I've had exactly the same said to me

HughPughBarneyMcGrew Sat 16-Mar-13 17:21:26

I have horrible, yet thankfully occasional 48-hr depressive episodes, caused by thyroid issues. When I explained to DM that this particular episode was so bad, I had seriously contemplated suicide, she snorted and replied "yes, well, that's the answer to everything, isn't it?" DH has a saying: another helpful remark from your mother. It's become my calming mantra. smile

CornflowerB Sat 16-Mar-13 17:22:18

'The reason you were able to breastfeed your babies for six months is because I fed you so well as a child'
Yes mum that's how it works hmm hmmhmm
And while we're at it, you are actually supposed to feed your children properly, you don't get a prize for doing it for more or less exactly the same as most other people.
On and on and on about how 'well nourished' we were. You're supposed to feed your kids!!! One day I will actually say it to her face.

akaemmafrost Sat 16-Mar-13 17:23:38

My sister confided in my mum that she'd had a termination. My Mum said "well don't ever tell your Dad, he's catholic and he'd never feel the same about you".

DuchessFanny Sat 16-Mar-13 17:24:33

horrid isn't it greeneyed ? ! thank god for my DH and lovely, lovely kids ! They've saved me really ! plus i know how to NOT be a shit Mum !!

dimsum123 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:30:02

I am still with DH. But if we had split up my parents would definitely have blamed it 100% on me and felt they had been proved right that I was a nasty, rude, lazy, useless, ungrateful, ugly cow.

When DH and I have had problems I have stubbornly refused to ever consider splitting up because I never want my parents to think they were right about me. Luckily DH is lovely so no great hardship to stay together.

akaemmafrost Sat 16-Mar-13 17:30:20

I was in New York once and got talking to a cab driver from Haiti, he told me that he used to play on a football team there but he was the only one left alive from that team after all the troubles there sad. We were just getting out and he said "I have a photo I will show you if ever get in my taxi again". Well that was never going to happen so I called ex back to look at the photo and we sat chatting to him for about 10 minutes about Haiti etc.

Anyway I told my Mum about this about how sad it had been and she said:-

"it was a kind thing to do to get back in the taxi and talk to him like that, you get that from me."


arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 17:33:28

Lesser grin

maidmarian2012 Sat 16-Mar-13 17:47:31

My ex H once said "You will never truly be mine, I will never have your full attention know, youve got a kid...."

It was my understanding that people with children come as a package.

I divorced him, the selfish drunken twat. angry

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 17:48:09

My all time favourite from my FWEX
'You are eaten up with envy because you only went to a Comprehensive'

AnnieLobeseder Sat 16-Mar-13 17:48:38

My mother has some sad delusion that I was happy at school, when I was horribly bullied. I mean, how can you completely not notice your child is miserable?

About a year ago we were talking about it again and she said " well what did you do to make them bully you? You always were tricky to deal with."

She also cries about my tattoos and asks "how could you do this to me!", as if I had tattooed her instead of myself.

arthriticfingers Sat 16-Mar-13 18:11:52

Sorry - hogging thread blush
but how about this from my toxic mother.
She had come over for DC2's first communion.
The day she came over DC1 was taken into hospital with appendicitis that rapidly deteriorated into bad peritonitis.
We got through those first days with me sleeping at the hospital and organizing the communion lunch etc.
DC1 was seriously ill in hospital throughout.
The day after the lunch, toxic mother says - well
'As I have my flight booked and everything is fine, I'll be off, then'

BertieBotts Sat 16-Mar-13 18:14:56

Mine told his mum recently "But you weren't there for me at all when Bertie left me!"

Oh, how we laughed. I remember being scared to answer the phone to her because she wanted answers which I could not explain to her!

trustissues75 Sat 16-Mar-13 18:15:19

jaw drops open Seriously Arthritic? Wow....I thought my mother was bad...

Hattifattner Sat 16-Mar-13 18:34:27

After announcing pg with DC1 (1st grandchild)

"When?" followed by "Well I hope you dont expect ME to come and look after you?"

After announcing pg with DC2 (2nd grandchild)

"WHy do you only have children in December? You KNOW how expensive it is to travel. Well, we wont be able to come over."

Having been TTC for 2 years, like i had a choice?

TheArmadillo Sat 16-Mar-13 18:57:01

My mother told me that I was not allowed to have any more children as me giving birth was too hard on her.

Then there was the time that I phoned her very shaken after driving my car with ds in the back when something had happened to the accelerator so that it was stuck on full speed, meaning the car was getting faster and faster and the foot break was not slowing it down. I was on a narrow set of backstreets with cars each side of the road. I found somewhere to stop, turned the engine off and managed to stop the car. If any other car had come along I would have hit them at speed. speed. There was no one else I could contact.

I recount this tale to my mother, clearly still upset. Her response 'your sister has been complaining that I spend to much time on your problems' at which point she made her excuses and hung up. It is quite likely my sister said nothing of the kind - my mother lies a lot about supposed comments other people have made.

NeverKnowinglyUnderstood Sat 16-Mar-13 19:05:12

when after significant progress with a psychiatrist I felt able to tell my mum that I was raped as a child and that I had tried to kill myself last year her response was.
"did you say you are seeing someone about it?"
"good, at least I don't have to worry about it then"

never mentioned it again.

fine.. thanks mum

Iwishiwasasleep Sat 16-Mar-13 19:22:25

Wow. My mother doesn't sound so bad having read these.

"Luckily" she was dx with dementia before DC were born hmm

Kione Sat 16-Mar-13 19:22:40

gosh I just realized my mum was a narcisistic then... I thought she was just a bitch. But fair play to her after I left home and she got cancer she tried to get in and we ended being ok sad I wish she was around now; but my childhood was atrocious, a bit upsetting to write it down tho but our arguments (renember I was only a child) always had similar phrases ti: "oh what did I do wrong to deserve you" sad

Roseformeplease Sat 16-Mar-13 19:27:58

When neither my Mum, nor any of my sisters came to my boyfriend's funeral (I was 24 and he was, then, the love of my life and had killed himself) my mother's excuse was that I couldn't possibly understand how upset the whole thing had made all of them.

When I was pregnant, and having a very normal and blessedly uneventful pregnancy, my mother told me how sick with worry she was in case anything went wrong. (She had 3 uneventful pregnancies, including twins).

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