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why am I so angry about something that happened when I was 8??

(29 Posts)
mouseymummy Fri 15-Mar-13 22:46:43

A couple of weeks ago, I posted asking if someone could help find an article regarding a family member leaving her kids for the local vicar.

Long story short that was my mum. We were the kids she left behind.

y mum did come back, after my dad cut off the joint credit card, she came back because my dad earned more money than the disgraced vicar did/ could.

She continued with family life for another few years, before shefinally left my dad for the last person who had shown her love by sleeping with her. She hasn't changed.

What I don't understand is, why am I so angry?? I've known about her going off with the vicar for years but I've only just found out about her leaving me and my brother behind and herreasons for coming back.

I'm so bloody angry about it but I'm confused about why.

I'm sorry if this doesn't make much sense but I'm rather sleep deprived at the mo.

Shr0edinger Sun 17-Mar-13 15:28:15

It sounds like she has forgiven herself! that is whatwould trouble me. she has to acknowledge the past, or it will be her ongoing failure, never behind her, never truly in 'the past'. and yet, from her pov, it is all in the past and she has forgiven herself.

JuliaScurr Sun 17-Mar-13 15:45:13

In my own case, I knew a lot of stuff intellectually but never processed the emotional impact. When that hit the fan - bit of a nightmare. Strongly advise counselling to pre-empt that smile

good luck

Dededum Sun 17-Mar-13 22:45:04

My DH's mum left the kids (11,9,7) and went off with the reserve goalkeeper. Despite living in the same village from what DH said basically deserted her children. His dad was an uneducated man and struggled. DH drifted out of education, his family etc.. and hitched down to London. Fast forward 20 years and I met DH, having not seen his family for all that time, he contacted his family and finally his mum again. They are now in contact, she has moved on and doesn't appear to have any guilt. The only way she can deal with it, is make herself the victim. No doubt she was very unhappy and saw no way out.
Anyway, DH after some counselling has 'forgiven her', he can't control how she behaves or her seeming lack of guilt but he can control how he views the past and his relation with her. He will never have a close relationship with her, the odd christmas card but forgiving her has allowed him to live his life and love our children.

There is hope, but importantly the solution is within you, it has nothing to do with your mum. flowers

mouseymummy Mon 18-Mar-13 09:41:35

Shro- my mum seems to have forgiven herself for every affair and every "little thing" that we bring up regarding our childhood.

Dededum - thank you so much for sharing your dh's story. Wow, sounds to me like my mum and her could be very good friends!!

My "step dad" (the latest in a long line of men she's had since my dad and this one is only 7yrs older than me and him m my mum play happy families with his kids every weekend and then my mum gets drunk and tells him she hates his kids and makes him pay her back for anyminor amounts of money she's spent on them... This is apparently a healthy relationship!!!) has called me and told me that my mum is apparently going to go for access to dd1 and possibly custody!!! grin grin hahahaha wtaf!!!! I honestly don't believe for a second she would but I'm not in the slightest concerned she'll get anywhere with it.

Made my Sunday night a lot more fun though!! Me and dh didn't stop laughing for about an hour!

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