Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Today is a Bad Day

(54 Posts)
FromHereToNextTuesday Fri 15-Mar-13 20:56:22

Well for background, H has ended our marriage. I'm pregnant (unplanned) and we have two DC under four.

I've moved out of his damp, cramped nightmare of a house into somewhere lovely. The kids see him two nights a week (would prefer one). I'm close to friends and family, have a lot of support.

No one is here to call me a cunt, or a bitch, or tell me to fuck off. No one is kicking stuff into walls or breakingmirrors. No one is ignoring me in the name of 'space'. No one is 'sexting' other women for a 'release'. No one is promising, forgetting, sulking if I remind. No one is wishing I'd kill myself or my unborn child. No one is taking anyone else to hotel rooms. No one is loving me one second, despising me the next.

No one is fucked off if I'm half an hour late, then staying our all night themselves. No one is criticising my parenting, cleaning ability, appearance or sexual prowess. No one cares what I make for dinner. I don't feel on edge, I'm not given hell for having had depression. No one is hacking my emails or controlling my phone bill. There are no controlling, insular, deluded in-laws to make me miserable.

My children are in a healthy environment, they have a good school to go to, we can look forward to the baby. They eat better, sleep better. For the first time I am enjoying motherhood.

So why, WHY, am I sat here in tears because he has someone else? Why do I wish he was here sat next to me? Why did I fall for the 'pity shag' trick and why am I wishing it would happen again? Why does listening to a fucking Green Day song have me in floods of tears? Why am I keeping a t-shirt of his when I have binned my wedding album? Why am I so heartbroken? Why do I care that he now wears a bracelet, when he never wore the one I got him (petty...). Why do I wish I had him to hold? I miss his body, I miss his chaotic mind. I don't want anyone else to have it.

Knock this out of me, please. I am tougher than I sound.

FromHereToNextTuesday Wed 20-Mar-13 08:43:13

I agree captainmummy, I remember reading about Stockholm syndrome and there was a lot I recognized.

Luckily, I appear to be coming of it.

Last night he rang to say he made up his girlfriend and lost his job because he was cut up about me. This is after I cut contact down to one night. I stuck to that, ignored the sob story.

This morning he has a job, his girlfriend seems real again, he isn't losing his house and he is fine, why wouldn't he be?

Sigh. I see it now. This is all part of it, isn't it?

FromHereToNextTuesday Wed 20-Mar-13 08:44:06

*coming out of it

CogitoErgoSometimes Wed 20-Mar-13 12:05:51

Yes it's part of it and you need to stop talking to him. He's not a friend and he really doesn't deserve cosy chats where you listen to his alleged problems. That's something you only do for people you like.... not people who drop you in the shit.

If he calls in future, screen it, let it go to answerphone and then e-mail or text back if it's something necessary to do with the children. Avoid talking. He uses conversations as a means to tell lies and try to manipulate you. If you don't engage, he can't do that.

captainmummy Wed 20-Mar-13 12:56:30

Ignore the emotional blackmail. His problems are not yours.

i'm glad you can recognise his abuse/sob stories/general twuntishness. You do sound strong, but you will still get these 'bad' days. Being rejected, even by someone you don't in a million years care about, is still a rejection. It hurts. By someone who is supposed to love you and care about you, is a milllion times worse

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: